Broken
by Raych
Summary: Sequel set 10 years post Finding Truth - outside the Scott family seems perfect, inside the battlelines are drawn. But when tragedy strikes leaving Lucas unable to understand how his family ended up so broken can he bring them back.
1. Prologue

Sometimes I wonder if every family is like mine. On the outside the Scott family seems perfect. Inside it feels like each of us is broken, well almost each of us. First off I'm the 'baby' of the family. Which sounds ridiculous considering I'm almost ten. I remember this story I heard in school when I was a little younger. Basically it was a family like mine – 3 children. And the middle child wrote the story, more like a diary really. It talked about how the youngest was always the baby, and the oldest always the first and that the middle child lacked identity. That's not the case in this family. True I'm certainly the baby. But my big sister Emily, the middle child does not lack identity. If anyone lacks identity it's my oldest sister Lauren. For as long as I can remember Lauren has always loved me more than Emily. And in turn Emily has hated Lauren as much as Lauren hated her. They've never been close at all. As we've grown up into our own person there has been definite ways in which we've become like our parents. I look like my mother, I have her dark hair and green eyes, my sister Lauren looks like me and our mom too, except she has blue eyes like my dad. Emily is blonde. She looks exactly like my mother did when she was her age, except she's blonde. But it's more than the way we look. Lauren and I have never been particularly academic. But Emily has excelled at school from the start. That makes her like my dad.

Just before I was born my mom realised her dream and opened a clothing store. Almost ten years later and she's expanded outside of Tree Hill, she now has four stores in North Carolina all selling just her designs. As the store became more successful and she opened more stores she settled back into just designing and employed people to make her creations real. Her heart is in her Tree Hill store.

Then there's my dad. He wrote a novel before my sister Emily was born. He wrote two in the time between her birth and mine. In fact the older I got the more he seemed to write. There was a time when I was younger that he helped my Uncle Nathan coach the local high school basketball team the Tree Hill Ravens. But he had to give that up the more he wrote. He just wasn't around enough due to the fact every time he finished a book he'd do a book tour.

My sister Lauren is 17, she's the outsider of my family I think. The trouble with Lauren is she's a lot older than the rest of us. Lauren was 5 years old when my cousin Hannah was born, she was almost 7 when my sister Emily and cousin Jamie were born. And to make things weirder was 6 when our aunt and uncle were born. Five years might not seem like a lot, but when there is only a matter of months between Jamie, Emily, Lily and Leo, with Hannah being just over a year older than them and me being just over a year younger it does seem like a lot. Lauren has never been great at school, and that is where dad excelled, there and on the basketball court. In fact when she was younger I remember there being jokes about the fact Lauren was the mail man's child because apart from her blue eyes she didn't seem to have inherited anything from our father. Lauren has grown further and further away from my family over the past few years. She fights with Emily a lot of the time, and when they're not fighting they just plain don't speak. My mom gets mad with her a lot, she blames the problems between her and Emily on her because she's older and should know better. My dad isn't around a lot because of his writing. When he is home from the tours or meeting his publishers in New York he mostly locks himself away to write. Lauren told me she can remember when mom and dad spent all their time together, but I can't really remember it like she can. My dad and Lauren don't seem to spend that much time together, in fact Lauren doesn't really spend time with any of us. Sometimes when she's grounded she'll let me come sit in her room, or she'll come sit in mine. Even though we don't always talk I like when she does that because she once told me she feels invisible in our house, so it's nice to know that she knows she isn't invisible to me. I like the fact Lauren is 8 years older than me. She knows a lot more than me, and she remembers better than I do. Sometimes when dad is around and he and mom fight Lauren will come and lay in bed with me and tell me stories about how it used to be before all the fighting. I always ask her why it changed but she never seems able to tell me.

Emily never does anything like that with me, and Lauren doesn't go near her either. Emily cries when mom and dad fight, even though she's almost 12. When I'm almost 12 I won't let anything make me cry. Emily is closer to my dad than me or Lauren. She writes, ever since she was little she's said she wants to be a writer like our dad. When dad is home she'll spend hours in his study with him, they both just sit and write together, sometimes I can hear Emily asking for my dad's help with what she's doing. A couple of times at dinner I've seen them talking about their writing and I see Lauren look at them with a real sad look on her face. But soon as I blink it's gone and she just goes back to looking angry.

Me, well I probably have the best relationship with both parents. Emily doesn't get on so great with my mom, because she is a real daddy's girl. I like having my dad around and spending time with him, playing basketball with him. But sometimes I think it's better when he's not here. Emily doesn't have anyone to show off to, Lauren isn't as sad and my mom has no one to fight with.

When dad's away a normal routine for our family is get up, Lauren and Emily fight, mom and Lauren argue, Lauren storms out, either to school or a friend's on a weekend. Emily sulks, mom gets angry and calls dad and shouts at him. I just watch them all and wonder if everyone's family is like mine. I don't think it can be though because my grandma and granddad have two kids, Lily and Leo who are 12 years old and they all seem happy. Lily and Leo are best friends. But I don't know whether that's normal either because my cousins Hannah and Jamie aren't best friends. I think with Lily and Leo it's different because they're twins. Hannah and Jamie play together though. They fight sometimes but they love each other still. And they said that their mom and dad hardly ever fight. Lily said the same about my grandma and granddad. Plus no one else's daddy is away like mine is. When Lauren finally comes home she just disappears off to her room, unless my mom is already back from work – which isn't very often. It feels like my mom is always at work these days. She tells Lauren she has to pick me and Emily up from school and watch us until she's home. But Lauren doesn't. Aunt Haley always brings us home, she waits until either mom or Lauren gets back. I think Lauren would do what mom asked if it was just me.

I never really understood why Lauren hated Emily so much, especially since it feels like I'm the only person Lauren really likes being around in my family. Lauren doesn't like being around my dad when he's here, or my mom really, she hates Emily. I think because Lauren and I get on so well is why Emily doesn't really spend time with me. And my mom and dad sure don't seem to like being together. When he's here she's at work, when she's not at work he's in his study. I think the only time they're in the same room is to argue. Lauren said we all used to sit down and have dinner together when dad was here. But now Lauren or Aunt Haley make the food for us, or dad if he's here. I can't remember the last time mom ate with us. A lot of the time we eat at grandma's house, or her café on days she is working. Sometimes we go to Aunt Haley's for dinner too. Everyone else always seems to have a family dinner. I guess it's just my family that are different.

There's a soft tap on my open door and I look up, I'm surprised to see my mom there.

"Hey buddy, how was school?" She comes further into my bedroom and towers over me expectantly. Her voice is real soft and she looks tired.

"It was ok. I got a B in a maths quiz." A smile graces her face and for a minute I can almost remember when we were happy. She gracefully manoeuvres her body until she is sat in her expensive suit, crossed legged on my messy floor beside me.

"A little boy was in the store with his mom today, and something he said made me think that tomorrow I should take my little boy to go see the new Shrek film." The way she looked at me so expectant of my happiness made me almost agree – almost.

"Mom I'm not a little boy anymore and Shrek is for kids." She looked vaguely surprised by the response and it was clear it was not the expected reaction. The shock dissipated and she softly smiled at me before leaning to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Sometimes I forget how old you are now Connor, but you could be 30 and you'd still be my little boy. My baby." If I'd been older I might have been able to name the look on her face as she said that as wistful, but given my young age I could only identify it was sad. "I miss us spending time together sweetie."

"We could see the new Transformers movie instead." I tried to hide the hopeful tone in my voice but my mother was clearly still far more observant than I thought she was.

"And what rating is that?" I hung his head and whispered hoping she'd not hear and agree anyway.

"PG-13." To me it seemed like she'd immediately dismiss it, so I played my ace. "Dad let me watch the first one on DVD last month though." Her features hardened at the mention of my father. When she answered her gaze rested outside my window, her face unreadable to me.

"Well since the damage has already been done I don't see why not." I was mildly surprised she'd given in so easily, but it had become standard to play one parent against the other in my household. At least for me, it appeared I was the only one on good enough terms with both to do so. I once heard my Aunt Haley tell Jamie that parents loved all their children equally. Most of the time I don't think that can be true, or maybe that's just another thing only my parents do. My dad certainly appears to love Emily best, and my mom has a softness with me that she lacks with my sisters. But thoughts like that always make me sad for Lauren. It always seems like she's the neglected one. "I miss us spending time together baby." My mom's soft voice shake me from my thoughts and I look at her, she looks so sad now and for a second I think it isn't just me she misses. I almost want to ask if she misses time with Emily or Lauren in the same way – but I don't. I think maybe I'm not sure I'll like her answer. Or maybe that's it's not really my place to question the relationships she has with my sisters.

"I miss you too mom." It hits me how tired she looks then – but someone older would have labelled the look as defeated.


	2. Divided

When I was 11 my grandfather quit his job teaching auto shop at the local high school and opened his own body shop. My dad told me that when he was growing up my granddad had a body shop, but he'd sold it when my dad was 16 and they both moved away. My dad also told me that my granddad had never wanted to sell up, but that he'd been forced to and that he'd always wanted to have a shop again. A lot of things happened the year I was 11 aside from the opening of the Keith Scott Body Shop. My parents began to fight. I don't ever remember much fighting before then, it was small back then, but my dad was writing more – which in turn meant more trips to New York to the publishing house, more book tours and less time at home. The less time my dad was at home the more my parents argued. Now they barely ever speak and even though most teens would be mortified if their parents were all cutesy coupley I'd love my parents to be like that again.

I don't know why my dad started working more, but I do know tempers flared more running in sync with the amount of time he was away. He and my mom fought more, my sister and I fought more. My little brother Connor was only 3, he can't even remember what it was like when our family was happy. Then again I can't really blame just my parents for that. The first 5 years of my life I never knew my dad. He just plain wasn't around. When I was 5 he came back to Tree Hill, for a while it was either him and me or me and my mom. Then suddenly they were in love again and we were a real family moving in together. Until it all fell apart and they were like strangers again. Then just as suddenly they were getting married and having a baby. My sister Emily. I don't remember everything from back then, what I do know is that I have always hated my sister. The older I get the better I can analyse why exactly I hate her, but it's one thing thinking about things logically – it's quite another getting your feelings to fall in line with reason. I'll admit for an outsider looking in it would certainly appear that I'm the reason we have such a dreadful relationship. I always wanted what she had, and being so much bigger I just took it. But the truth is there's one thing she has that I can't just take – and that's the one thing I want more than anything. My dad.

My mom gets so mad, mainly at me, when Emily and I fight. My dad has always ignored it, I remember hearing him tell my mom once to not worry because we'd grow out of it, my Aunt Haley and her sisters were always fighting as kids. When I was 13 there was a horror of a fight between Emily and I, and it became one of the rare, possibly the first, time my dad got involved. He firmly planted his loyalty on Emily's side. So I ran away. I didn't go very far, but to the one place in Tree Hill no one would look, after all a thirteen year old girl wouldn't go to an auto shop – family owned or not. I hid in my grandfather's auto shop for 3 days, looking back I know he told my parents where I was to let them know I was safe but at the time it felt good to think they'd be worried about me. Since then whenever there's a problem at home I head to the auto shop. In the last four years I've been doing that I've learnt more about cars than some of the guys who work there, then again besides my grandfather there are only 2 others. My grandfather is an expert at what he does, and after spending 18 years teaching it he is sure good at getting the knowledge across and inspiring a passion. That's what he did in me.

"Hey old man, I finished the oil change on the Mustang and checked it all over now. Job is good and it is ready to go." I walked into the office wiping oil onto a rag from my hands. As I spoke my grandfather looked up from the paperwork on his desk to throw a smile my way.

"I don't think I pay you enough." It was a rare thing but a smile split my face and the sound of laughter escaped – rare as it was for such a thing to happen it was typically my grandfather that elicited such a reaction.

"Try at all." He shrugged apologetically yet didn't wipe the grin from his strong features. I think I probably loved my grandfather more than anyone else in my family since the day he hid me here and started teaching me the whys and wherefores of a car engine, well except maybe Connor. I saw his gaze flick to the clock above my head.

"Shouldn't you be getting Emily and Connor?" I'd had a free period this afternoon and had done my usual of coming here. This place was more inviting than anywhere else in Tree Hill.

"No I shouldn't. But no one else will." Even I was able to hear the bitterness in my voice. My grandfather dropped his pen onto the ledger and stood up, coming to stand beside me an arm slung casually around my shoulders crushing me against him in a form of hug.

"I know they expect a lot of you honey. But your parents are having a rough time right now, so maybe you could just help them out and be nice to your sister without the attitude." Had anyone else dared speak to me like that I would have lashed out. Instead I leaned into his one arm hug and rested my head against him.

"They're not my parents anymore are they? You must have noticed. Somewhere along the way my parents who loved each other and put family above all else have changed into the people they are now. Who can't stand being around each other and who put work before everything." It was the first time I'd verbalised these thoughts, I had hoped that they'd get past it but the fact was things were getting worse not better.

"They will always love each other Lauren, and all of you. They've lost their way a little right now." I feel an overwhelming urge to give into his comforting embrace and to believe his words. But I step away from his reach instead and brush the stray hair from my face.

"I need to change to go get Connor and Emily." The look on his face as he watches me walk out his office I know will stay with me for days. He looked like he felt he'd failed. I grab my bag and shut myself in a cubicle in the toilets. It's awkward but I change in there and step out. I jump the step and swing round to poke my head back into my grandfather's office to bid him farewell and am stunned to find a tall blonde man in there with him. The man is leant back against the desk, looking quite desolate and for a second I almost feel a pang of pity for the man – almost.

"Dad what are you doing back in town already?" He looks startled as he looks up from his tightly folded arms to my face in the doorway.

"Lauren, what are you doing here?"

"I asked you first." He sighed deeply and began to rub his hands along his upper arms, he averted his eyes from my piercing glare and I felt in explicably afraid of his answer.

"I needed to be home for a while was all." I honestly don't think I can recall the last time my father wanted to be at home. Wrong footed I was lost for words so settled on the lie that had formed in my head to explain my presence.

"Well I was just going to say hey to grandpa before going to get the munchkins from school." Once again I was far from his thoughts as he mumbled something dismissive in my direction. My grandfather threw me a sympathetic and apologetic look before I bolted out the office and then out the building. The walk to the elementary school did little to clear my thoughts. Seeing my father home when he wasn't supposed to be unnerved me, as did his demeanour. As I shifted from foot to foot impatiently waiting for my brother and sister to appear I did allow my thoughts to drift to what would happen come September, when Emily became a 6th grader and started middle school. I hoped my mother would allow her to make her own way home as having to collect her from middle school and Connor from elementary school would be difficult, and given that Aunt Haley taught at the elementary school it was fair to assume I would have to get Emily rather than Connor.

I spotted her first as she crossed towards me and was struck by how similar we were apart from my hair being brunette and hers blonde. It was certainly easy to see the family resemblance. The older I got the more I became my mother, but with her I could see her features evening out with age and she was becoming a near perfect blend of both our parents. The shot of envy that passed through me just reinforced the hate I felt towards her. However the older I got the more I tried to fight those feelings. I even surmised that had I not been forced to collect her from school everyday and spend time in her company, cooking her evening meal those feelings might have softened. Just for a second I allowed myself to consider her position. Her alliance with our father left little room for a strong relationship with my mother. My alliance with Connor left her virtually alone in her home when our father was away – which was often. As I analysed her possible feelings, and my mothers too I was left feeling like we were all more alike than we realised. Though from the outside no one would imagine a Scott could be lonely it certainly felt like for me and perhaps all of us it was lonelier in a house of people than it could ever be actually alone. And just as my feelings of hatred and envy subsided she scowled at me and they rushed back. She clutched her books close to her chest as she stood a few feet from me waiting for Connor. Neither of us spoke and I shut my eyes to allow myself to imagine she wasn't there.

"Are you asleep standing up?" The child's voice forced my eyes open and I smiled down at my brother before ruffling his hair. The older I got, the more fragmented my family became the more I questioned how I was able to feel such adoration for my little brother when I held such abhorrent disgust for my sister. Connor was most certainly the darling of our family, as damaged as we were it was still clear he was the treasured baby of the family. I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a soft shove in the direction of home.

"So how was school?" Sometimes I felt more like his mom than his sister, and I always felt obliged during our walk home to ask how school had been. It did strike me that my mother was a mom at my age. Which was certainly a scary thought. She was devoted to me back when I was younger, and to Emily and Connor when they were born. Somewhere along the way being our mom was a lesser part of her identity and I occasionally wondered whether she was trying to find the person she could have been where it not for me. Though I'd never voice the thought I did think maybe she regretted the decision to have me. And though it was painful to think I could understand why anyone in her position would have decided against continuing with the pregnancy. If I were in her shoes I'm not sure I would have wanted to go through with it.

"Mr Young gave us a science project to do, I hit 5 home runs in gym class today." I heard the tone of his voice rise on the jump from science to gym. Like me science class was one of Connor's worse classes, but he was a natural athlete and it was where he was able to redeem his confidence in his own abilities.

"5! Wow that's amazing Connor. Sure you're going to become a basketball player and not a baseball player." Even as I spoke I knew he'd vehemently deny allegiance to any sport other than basketball. He and Jamie both dreamt of making good where their fathers had been unable to and making it to the NBA. As usual Emily was a few steps behind us in the walk home, however she was out in front the second she saw dad's car in the driveway.

"Daddy's home!" The sense of foreboding was not eased by the sight of my mom's car nestled on the driveway next to my father's. The delighted smile on Emily's face shot daggers through my heart and I couldn't tell whether it was due to my fear of what dad being home meant or just the same old feelings of envy. Connor and I quickened our pace to stay with her and she skipped up the driveway. Sadly I could hear their voices before she even had the door open.

"Well what the hell do you expect me to say Lucas?"

"I expect you to be on my side Brooke."

"Your side? And play the naïve, stupid wife at home? You'd love that wouldn't you, go out and do whatever you feel like and come home to us."

"Actually Brooke no I don't go out and do whatever I feel like, but you know what I'd love to come to my family once in a blue moon. But I honestly can't remember the last time this place felt like home, it felt like my family was here or you felt like my goddamn wife!"

"Don't you dare try to blame me for your mess."

"I haven't made a mess Brooke, that's what I came to tell you, but you just don't want to listen. Some wife taking things at face value. Is that really what you think of me?"

"Well the evidence is there Lucas."

"No that's just what you want to see. You can't accept that you're just as responsible as me for this marriage going down the toilet so this is an easy out for you. Well it doesn't work that way."

"No Luke you know as well as I do if you were actually here we wouldn't be having this conversation and our marriage would still be solid."

"Oh right so it's all my fault. Never mind the fact that you make coming home about as welcoming as having my eyes gouged out." Though I was curious to know what exactly had provoked this fight, had made dad come home early and mom leave work in the middle of the afternoon I didn't want Connor or Emily subjected to anymore. So I barged into the house, making sure the door slammed into the wall as it swung open. My parents were visible from where I stood. The hate and anger written across their faces and I wondered just how long it would be before dad didn't come home at all. Dad looked away and hung his head. Mom pushed her hair back and turned to look at us.

"Hey kids, how was school?" Connor and Emily hung back behind me not knowing quite how to take the argument they'd just heard. For their parts both my parents looked ashamed. But that couldn't erase the damage that had been done. I glanced back at them before returning my gaze to my parents. Neither Connor nor Emily had spoke yet.

"We're going to grandma's for dinner. Just dropping our schools bags off." Neither parent asked about homework to be done, the rule being it was the first job after getting home from school. Both just looked thankful that we were all leaving as suddenly as we'd arrived. I held a hand out for my siblings school bags and wordlessly they handed them over. I tossed them inside with my own and eyed both parents as if waiting for their demand to put them away properly. Nothing was forthcoming and so I turned and slammed the door. I took Connor's hand in mine and started to walk back down the driveway. I stopped and turned back to find Emily still staring shell shocked at the door. For the first time in my life I acted like a real sister. I gently took her hand in mine and guided her away from our house. It was a testament to what we'd all just witnessed that I acted the way I did, and that she let me. But united we walked to our grandmother's. We were only a couple of blocks from her house before Emily found her voice.

"Are mom and dad going to get a divorce?" Her voice seemed hollow as she asked.

"I don't know. Maybe I guess. They're fighting a lot so they could." She snatched her hand from mine and stared up at me.

"If they do it'll be all your fault, if you were nicer to us and to mom and dad then they'd still love each other. I hate you from ruining my family!" I let her run off knowing she'd only go straight to where we were headed anyway. While her words were that of an angry and confused child I did wonder at the level of truth in them.

"Why are mom and dad splitting up?" I sighed and looked affectionately down at my brother.

"No one said they were just maybe it might happen. And if they did I don't know why. I guess they don't love each other anymore." By the time we reached my grandma's house I could hear the twins playing in the backyard and went straight round. The door to grandma's kitchen was open and I could hear her preparing dinner. I told Connor to play with the twins and went inside. Emily was already seated at the table, her face was blotchy, and a clear sign she'd been crying. As my footsteps fell on the ground my grandma turned to look at me.

"Emily tells me your parents have or should I say are in the middle of an awful fight." Suddenly I feel so weary and have just the strength to nod and slip into a chair opposite my sister who glares at me. Grandma comes over and wraps an arm round my shoulders, pulling me into her for a hug. She kisses my head before returning to her work. "I need you to go tell your grandfather he'll have to close up early as we've guests for dinner and he'll need to get the spare table and chairs out."

"I could get the table." She smiles at my offer and then winks as she proceeds to say.

"Best go see your grandfather." Clearly she knows just how dear he and his garage are to keeping me sane.

"Sure I'll tell him grandma." We share a warm smile and I slip out the front door, unable to watch my little brother knowing the ashen look from just minutes before will most certainly still be on his face.


	3. Bobcats and Shopping

**I'm not sure anyone is reading this still as it's been so long since I updated, I apologise it's been mad busy. Firstly another apology for the chapter is short dispite it being so long in coming, but these first few chapters are really a set up for the main storyline - which is occuring very soon. I'm aiming to get a chapter up on both this fic and my other fic Starting Over every two weeks so I do hope there is still some interest.**

I make another red x across today on my calendar, it won't be long before mom comes to tell me to turn off my light and hop into bed. I count the red crosses in front of me, there are 24 in total. 24 days since we got home from school to my mom and dad screaming at each other, which means 24 days since I last saw him. By the time we got back from grandma's he'd gone. She was back at work and so I didn't even see her until the next afternoon. She acted like nothing had happened, like we hadn't seen anything. Emily had asked where dad was. She just said gone. Nothing more and nothing less, he was gone. Since then Emily asks every few days when he'll be back. Mom just shrugs. I asked Lauren if she had any clue about what had happened, what was happening. Had dad left us? Or was he simply back on the tour he'd so abruptly left to come back and argue with mom? The only good thing to come of it is that I think mom finally misses him, misses us. At first she was at work all the time, but now in the past week she's been home more. She even collects me and Emily from school. Sadly it means Lauren is hardly ever home. I don't know where she goes because mostly she doesn't come home until I'm asleep – which means I never talk to her. I don't know whether she's just avoiding mom or all of us. I did hear her telling mom she was going out with her boyfriend two nights ago though, I never even knew she had one. For a long time now it's felt like it was me and Lauren against the world, which probably sounds silly. What 17 year old wants to be best friends with their kid brother? But that was what I thought we were. My family is just one big compromise. If I have Lauren I can't have my mom, if I have my mom I can't have my dad, and if I have my dad then I'm stuck with Emily.

"Hey buddy," Mom starts as she comes into my room. I scramble across my bed and settle in it and she sits next to me, her back against my wall. "Aren't you going to ask?"

"Ask what?" She laughs a little.

"Did you forget I was at Parent/Teacher night tonight?" Truthfully when she got the girl next door to babysit for me and Emily I had just thought she was going to work. Parent/teacher night wasn't really on my radar right now.

"I guess I did." She shook her head slightly and rolled her eyes and just for a minute I got a glimpse of my real mom, the one she was before she got obsessed with work.

"Anything you want to tell me about school?" I winced slightly as I tried to think of something I'd done wrong that my mom would now be aware of – but I came up with nothing so shook my head. "Connor your teacher tells me that the class had an aptitude test the other week. Connor you're an average student right?" I nodded my head. "Well see average students don't usually score top of the class on aptitude tests." Top of the class? Sure I'd thought the test was kind of easy but I didn't think I'd do that well. "Which for me and your teacher begs the questions how you can only be getting average grades." She paused and I realised that she was waiting for an actual answer from me. I could merely shrug at her. "Connor when I was in high school everyone thought I was some silly cheerleader without a real thought in my head. And while it's true I did struggle mainly with math the truth is like a lot of kids I guess school was fun, it wasn't serious and it didn't mean anything, besides only geeks were smart and I didn't want to be a geek. So I didn't try. Connor how hard do you try at school?"

"I try in sports." Probably not the answer she wanted but that's the way it was.

"Connor you really try at everything, this test shows you'd be good at it all if you did. And that lasts much longer than what your friends think."

"It's not about my friends they don't care. I hate school I like sports. Besides being smart is Emily's thing." My mom laughed a little.

"You know more than one person in a family can be good at something."

"Being smart is what gets her dad's attention. Otherwise she'd just get passed over. I get your attention because I'm the baby anyway so it doesn't matter. Besides Lauren might not like me if I'm like Emily." It's not that I made the decision to hide my intelligence, it was just better all round. I didn't really like school, I was just good at it. But I found it easy to blend in with everyone else, if teachers knew I was smart they'd make it into a big deal which wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to play basketball. I wanted my family to be normal. I didn't want to be smart and I didn't want my favourite person in the world to think different because I was smart. Emily was smart and Lauren and me weren't. I didn't want Lauren to think it was me and Emily when it was me and her.

"Oh baby don't be silly, you kids we both love each of you as much as the others, we don't have favourites."

"You do, Emily is dad's and I'm yours...that's why Lauren hates it here because no one loves her but me." Had I been older I would have seen more than shock in my mother's expression. But being ten I took it at face value.

"No Connor that's just not true. We don't have favourites." My mom sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead. "I don't know how this happened. I was going to give you all the childhood I never had, to know that you were so completely loved by us both no matter what. I wanted you to grow up safe in the knowledge that our love for you kids was without reserve." I turned on my side and hugged her then. She looked like she needed it. She held me tight against her.

"Connor I want you to work at school and be the best you can be – in EVERY subject. Emily will have to deal with not being the only smart one and Lauren will have to deal with you not joining her in getting average grades."

"I want her to still love me." I hated how my voice made me sound younger than I was.

"Lauren adores you, sometimes I think you're the one person that makes her stay. Without you I think she'd have run away a while back."

"I think she's the best sister in the world. She takes care of me."

"I know she does." Young as I am I could hear how sad my mom sounded.

* * *

Two weeks ago I turned to a new month on my calendar – which makes it exactly 38 days since I last saw my dad. But now he's back. His car pulled up in the driveway a little while ago. Since mom didn't seem surprised I guess she's spoken to him. It's Friday night and since Lauren is grounded we're all home. He knocks at the door and mom lets him in, I don't know whether that means something or he's just forgotten his keys. Emily is down the stairs and throwing herself at him. I turn my face upstairs and see Lauren at the top. She is waiting there and I'm not sure what for. Dad spends a few minutes hugging Emily and listening to her talk before he finally looks at me.

"Come here little guy." I hurl myself at him despite the fact I want to insist he should no longer call me little guy. It feels so good to have him hug me.

"I didn't think you were ever coming home." He hugs me tighter.

"I've worked away for longer than this." He knows I meant after the argument we heard him and mom having but I guess like her he doesn't want to acknowledge it. He lets me go and looks down at me sternly. "Your mom told me about what's been going on at school. I want you to give it 110% from now on. I don't care what grades you get, any of you," he said this while he looked up to try and locate Lauren, "As long as you give it your all you can get an F so long as you tried." I look down kind of ashamed. "You going to come say hi to your old man Lauren?" His voice falters and he seems nervous to me. Maybe he is. I can't remember the last time he and my sister had any form of real contact. She slowly makes her way down the stairs and across the room. She's facing him though her face is difficult to read. I think maybe she's actually going to hug him. The sound of her open palm connecting with his face ricochets off every wall in the room. My mom's jaw drops stunned, so stunned in fact she doesn't even reprimand her. Emily's eyes bug open and I have no idea what on earth possessed my sister to do that. My dad's head swung round slightly from the impact, his hand goes up to cover his face where she made contact and he turns slowly back to face her. Stony faced Lauren stares right back, then as suddenly as she slapped him she breaks their eye contact and runs out the back door. We stand together shock encasing us for a minute or two before my dad runs out after her. I go to my room immediately and open my window trying to hear what my dad is saying to my sister out in the garden. I can see her sat on the swinging bench, she has her legs up and her arms round them as he approaches her.

"I'm already grounded." I'm surprised they are the first words she says to him, but I guess she's going to the punishment angle.

"Something made you think hitting me was a good idea Lauren." He'd sat next to her by now.

"What you said to Connor when he voiced his fear that you weren't coming back."

"That was the truth."

"That wasn't how he meant it and you know it."

"I don't see how that led to my daughter hitting me." This is dad's controlled anger which can sometimes be much worse than his normal anger.

"I was angry. Do you have any idea what it was like to have to walk them to grandma's after having the two of you at it like that? To answer questions about whether you'd be getting divorced and have you disappear before we got home for over a month. To have mom make out like it never happened. You didn't call or write or e-mail at all to any of us. Did you even consider what they were going through after witnessing that parental display? Then you show up here like it's been any normal book tour and expect us to all play along." She never mentions that she was worried, it makes me wonder if she was or whether she just doesn't want dad to know about it. That sounds like Lauren but right now I can't be sure.

"Put like that you have every right to be angry with me, but you don't even have the right to do what you did."

"Why are you back?"

"Lauren did you hear what I said?"

"Eavesdropping isn't very nice." I'd been so wrapped up in listening out my window I hadn't even realised my mom was in the room until she spoke to me. I jumped up and turned guilty to her.

"Sorry mom." She shrugged.

"Don't do it again. Come downstairs, your dad wants to talk to you." I followed my mom downstairs, Emily was sat on the sofa and I got the feeling she was waiting for us, a few minutes later a sulky Lauren came in with my dad.

"So as a treat for you all tomorrow your mom and I thought it would be nice if she and Emily went for a girly shopping day and Connor, Lauren and I – despite Lauren's behaviour – could go to see the Bobcats play tomorrow. Nate and Jamie are going and Keith and Leo." I glanced over at Lauren and could easily see how relieved she was that she wasn't expected to be a girl for the day when she would obviously be happier watching the game with us. While she looked a little ill at ease with the idea I was thrilled. It'd been a few years since dad had taken me to a Bobcats game and I didn't think I'd be able to sleep tomorrow with the excitement.


	4. Crash

Brooke laughed at the timing when in the midst of their shopping spree three cell phones sounded simultaneously. Karen and Haley shared smiles with her as they all rooted around in bags searching for their phones while their daughters were in the changing room trying on a variety of outfits. Her smile faltered as she answered the phone, fear overcame her as she listened.

"Girls get your clothes on now we have to go." She thinks it's Karen that spoke though she can't quite be sure. It may well have been Haley.

"Why mom?" Lily poked her head between the curtains.

"Just do it." That time it definitely was Karen. She's dazed with terror as Karen takes control and bundles the girls out the store, Haley and Brooke trail behind. Haley reaches for Brooke's hand and she feels her squeeze it. She's not entirely sure how she managed to drive Emily and herself to the hospital. She kept her eyes square on Karen's car in front the entire time. Now Brooke is here the terror that blinded her has turned into something else and she thinks she is probably like someone from a movie or some hospital based TV drama. Brooke rushes in and over to the reception desk.

"We were called, there's been an accident, our children and husbands. Scott, we're the Scott family." Haley and Karen hover behind Brooke as anxious as she for news.

"Let me just check, right if you'd all like to take a seat and I'll get someone to you."

"I don't want a seat, I want to see my children!"

"Mrs Scott as I said I'll get someone to come, you just need to take a seat." Brooke felt a desire to slap the woman in front of her. The deep hidden logical part knew it was not her fault but the mother in her just needed to see her babies.

"Did you say Scott?" A nurse behind the reception desk turned at the exchange.

"Yes!" The nurse smiled kindly.

"I have a Connor, Leo and Jamie Scott upstairs in the children's ward. They're all absolutely fine, possibly suffering from shock but the doctor was really just keeping them up there under supervision until their parents arrived." Brooke felt the relief hit her like a freight train – until.

"What about Lauren my daughter?"

"And my husband Nathan, and Keith and Luke?"

"I'm sorry I only deal with the children's ward. I can take you up to your children and in the meanwhile I'm sure someone can locate a doctor for you."

"Thank you." Numb the Scott women followed the nurse, their girls trailing behind. As they entered the children's ward the noise of their boys was instantly heard.

"Jamie?" Haley called her son's name and all three dropped the toys they had and rushed into their mothers' waiting arms. Brooke wept tears of relief that her precious baby boy was okay.

"Where's Lauren? And dad?"

"I don't know yet."

"Leo what happened?" All attention turned then to Leo the eldest as his mother posed the question on everyone's mind. Leo shrugged a little.

"We left the game and Lucas said he'd drive home since dad drove there. Jamie and me were in the back playing so I didn't really see."

"I did mom." Attention spun to Connor. "We were just driving along and this truck went through the stop sign and hit us, it mostly got the driver's side and the front. Mom if something happens to Lauren then it's my fault."

"Don't be ridiculous." Connor shook his head at Brooke.

"But she was sat furthest side away, she covered me with herself when she saw the truck coming." A mixture of shock, worry and pride wormed its way inside Brooke as she considered just how brave her daughter had been. Though she couldn't attest to being surprised. Lauren was as far removed from her family as was possible while living under the same roof – except when it came to Connor. Brooke's absence from the home and her commitment to her store had seen Lauren take a bigger role in raising Connor in a lot of ways than Brooke or Lucas. A fact which she was only beginning to see of late.

"Mrs Scott?" All three women stood and turned at the voice. The doctor looked down a little embarrassed and surveyed the notes on his clipboard. "Mrs Haley Scott." Haley took a step forward. "Mrs Scott you can see your husband now. He's suffered a broken right arm and two broken ribs, along with some cuts and bruises but other than that he's okay. We've got his chest bandaged and we'll be setting his arm shortly but if you'd like to see him first." Haley glanced back at Brooke and Karen, both nodded and Haley held a hand out to each child, both rushed forward to grab her and all three followed the doctor away. Without a word Brooke and Karen both took their children and led them to the waiting area the receptionist had initially pointed them to. For Brooke it felt like an eternity passed by before a doctor approached them.

"Mrs Brooke Scott?" She stood slowly and swallowed, her fear felt almost palpable. "Mrs Scott I can take you in to see your daughter now. She's unconscious at the minute but she's in a stable condition. She suffered a blow to the head when she threw herself across another passenger for their safety." She turned her head to Connor and Emily.

"Leave them Brooke, they'll be fine here. Go see her." Brooke nodded and followed the doctor as she led her to Lauren's room.

"Now don't be alarmed by her injuries, they are mostly superficial and there seems to be no internal injuries. Obviously with a blow to the head causing unconsciousness there is some cause for concern but her brain is functioning as it should with no irregularities showing up, she has been conscious since reaching the hospital. There was some vomiting which is to be expected."

"Her heart..."

"Not to worry Mrs Scott I have read Lauren's notes and there is nothing untoward with regards to the problems she had in her early childhood." For Brooke it felt like a bad dream as she went into the room. She was guilty of forgetting just how much of a child Lauren still was at age 17. But as she saw her laying there she just saw her as she once was, her baby girl. Back before their family had fallen apart. For the first time in a long time she wished Lucas were there to hold her hand – like he had done before. His support while Lauren had been in hospital when she was young had been invaluable. She sat beside her daughter and began to stroke her hair. A large swatch of bandage covered her right temple and her beautiful face was marred by cuts and scrapes.

"Oh sweetheart I'll do better now I'll be a better mother – like I used to be." Tears fell down Brooke's cheeks as she cursed herself. She felt that this entire mess was all her fault, she also felt that she should have been more supportive of her daughter. She missed the close relationship they'd once had. She couldn't help but try and decipher when exactly it began to fall apart. She was pulled from her thoughts when Haley appeared.

"Brooke, it looks like Nathan will be discharged when they've finished setting his arm. I've told Karen I'll take all the kids home. It'll be like a sleepover. She told me where their sleeping bags are and we've got ours so...call me when you hear about Luke, Karen promised she'll call about Keith. She told me Lauren would be okay."

"That's what the doctors say. Are you sure about having them all when Nate is hurt." Haley shook her head.

"Nathan's fine, the boys are fine. They were all really lucky Brooke. You and Karen need to be here and its best if they're not. I already called Deb and she's got herself on the first flight. She should be here in a few hours so we'll be fine."

"Thank you Haley." Haley nodded.

"You will call about Luke?" Brooke smiled and nodded in return, almost glad when Haley left. When she'd got the call about the accident she'd been in almost meltdown from her fear. The terror of not knowing what was happening to her children. Now she was sat here with her daughter, knowing her boy was safe and Lauren was as well as could be expected she allowed herself to consider the torment Haley and Karen had suffered that she couldn't say that she had. The fear that your partner, the man you loved could be injured, or worse. She hadn't felt that fear for her husband. Before she could even consider the implications of that someone cleared their throat beside her. She turned her head to find a doctor stood beside her.

"Mrs Scott?" She placed Lauren's hand softly on the bed and stood. She nodded. The doctor in front of her was wearing scrubs, and she got the distinct feeling that this was more serious because of that. "Mrs Scott I'm Dr Kilman, I'm the surgeon that has been working on your husband. Your husband has suffered multiple injuries as result of the crash, he has suffered a shattered pelvis, broken leg, shoulder and arm. He had some serious internal bleeding and a broken rib punctured his lung. His spleen ruptured which led to a build up of blood in the abdominal cavity, we've had to remain his spleen, this will have implications however it's not necessary for me to go into detail now. Mrs Scott more worryingly is the damage caused to his head during the collision, his brain ahs swollen as a result of direct impact with the side window. Mrs Scott I must prepare you for the worst, your husband is in a critical condition right now and the next 12 hours are crucial."

"Is he going to die?" She could see the sympathy in the doctor's face and wondered just how many times he'd had this conversation with someone.

"I couldn't possibly say for sure what will happen. As I said the next 12 hours are crucial and in the morning we'll have a better idea of how to progress."

"Where is he?"

"He's just being moved into ICU, I'll send a nurse down to you when he's settled."

"Thank you." The doctor nodded and left her. She sank back down into the chair and tried to process what she'd just heard. Lucas it seemed had bore the brunt of the crash, she wondered what she would tell her children if the worst happened. While he may never be home and his relationship with the children couldn't be described as close he was still their father – even Lauren though she may be loathe to admit it loved him. His death would crush them. But what about her?

"Was that doctor about Lucas?" Her head came up to see Karen stood in the doorway.

"Yeah, how's Keith?"

"He's been sedated. Brooke he looks as though – as though it hardly even touched him. But he can't move his legs." Brooke's hand flew to her mouth and tears gathered in her eyes. Keith was the closest she had to a father. He always seemed so strong and capable. "The doctors say there has been some damage to his spinal cord. They're hopeful that when the swelling goes down that with physical therapy he'll gain mobility again. But even if he does they say he won't ever be as able as he once was." Brooke was stunned. She saw Karen's heartbroken look and anxious eyes. How could she now tell her that her beloved firstborn may well not survive the night? But she had no choice. She gathered herself and stood, gesturing for Karen to take her seat. The terror in the other woman's eyes increased at the gesture.

"Karen, Lucas has been hurt real bad. He's been in surgery to stop internal bleeding, they removed his spleen because it ruptured and a broken rib punctured his lung. He's got a broken arm, shoulder, leg and pelvis. The doctor said they're concerned about swelling of his brain – Karen they don't know if he'll..." She couldn't say the words to her. But she didn't need to. Karen was smart enough to finish the sentence on her own.

"How did a fun day out leave us like this?"

"I don't know."

* * *

"Mom?" Brooke felt groggy and a pressure on her hand. As she slowly came to she heard a dry, raspy voice.

"Lauren you're awake! Oh thank god." Brooke smiled down at her daughter, tears in her eyes as she stroked her hair lovingly.

"Connor?"

"Connor's fine he's at your Aunt Haley's with all the other children in this family." Lauren nodded. "You want some water?" Without waiting for an affirmative response Brooke poured water into a cup and helped Lauren lean forward and sip it. Exhausted Lauren flopped back against the pillows.

"What time is it?" Lauren's eyes were barely open as she asked the question. Brooke glanced up at the clock and was surprised to discover it was a new day.

"It's 11am sweetie." Lucas! She'd fallen asleep while he may have been...but no someone would have come for her.

"What mom? You look worried. How are grandpa and Uncle Nate? And dad?" Brooke took a deep breath and squeezed her daughter's hand. She knew how much she idolised her grandfather.

"Uncle Nate's fine, he got discharged yesterday. He's got a broken arm and a couple of broken ribs but he's okay. Grandpa has some swelling in his back which is causing some problems but the doctors are hopeful that he'll be fine." Lauren had opened her eyes again at the mention of something bad about her grandpa. Brooke's reticence about Lucas however caused Lauren to sit up.

"And dad?"

"He's not good sweetie. He's been hurt really bad he's in ICU – they said there'd reassess if he made it through the night." While she didn't want to tell her daughter the full story about her father's injuries she felt Lauren was old enough to be made aware of just how serious things were.

"Why aren't you with him if he's so hurt?"

"I needed to be with you."

"But he's alive right? I mean he made it through the night?" Brooke opened her mouth to answer but another voice beat her to it.

"Your father is indeed alive Miss Scott." Brooke and Lauren turned their attention to the doctor that had stepped into the room. "Unfortunately that's where the good news ends. Mrs Scott your husband appears to be in a comatose state. Now there's no telling if this state will be a persistent one or he may wake up in a few days. The longer he is in a coma however the less likely it is he will regain consciousness. Given the severity of the head injury he suffered it's likely that the coma is his body's way of making the brain hibernate and giving him time to heal. In cases such as this it is possible that his coma may range from two to four weeks – but it is equally as likely that he won't wake up at all."

"Can I see him?" Brooke looked sharply at her daughter.

"Lauren you need to rest."

"I need to see him mom." The doctor had casually picked up Lauren's chart while the pair argued over Lauren getting out of bed.

"Mrs Scott looking at Lauren's notes I don't see a problem with her being wheeled up to ICU if she really wishes to go." Brooke looked sharply at the doctor.

"See mom, and you must want to see him too. Will he know we're there?"

"The level of his coma suggests that he is unresponsive to verbal stimuli but we do encourage families to talk to patients. We can't be sure whether he can or cannot hear you." Lauren nodded and the doctor disappeared to track down a wheelchair for her.

"What did he look like last night when you saw him?" Brooke looked up to face her daughter.

"I couldn't leave you." Lauren's face creased in surprised.

"He might well have been dying and you didn't go up for even a minute."

"Grandma went to sit with him for a while when grandpa was sleeping."

"Here we are." Brooke was thankful for the appearance of a nurse with a wheelchair in that moment. She couldn't bring herself to look at her daughter's damning look. Truthfully she could have left Lauren to visit Lucas, Karen had urged her to. Truth was she didn't want to see him. She helped the nurse get Lauren into the wheelchair and trailed behind as she pushed her up.

"He can only have one visitor at a time right now I'm afraid."

"You go in sweetheart – I can come back once you're asleep." Lauren gave her an odd look but said nothing as the nurse wheeled her into Lucas' room. Brooke didn't want to see him but couldn't stop herself from standing at the glass looking into his room. She wanted to rush in there and hold her daughter at the look on her face. This made her finally look at her husband. The sight of him took her breath away. His leg was in plaster and suspended from the ceiling. A rather scary looking contraption covered his pelvic region which she assumed was in place due to the broken pelvis. His face could not be seen through the cuts and bruises and large bandage swallowed his head. There were all manner of tubes coming from his body, there was blood being pumped in, along with what she assumed must be some kind of sustenance for him. She knew from what the doctor had said about the punctured lung to expect him to be on a ventilator. Despite everything she'd been told she hadn't really expected to see him look so small, so fragile. Without warning an image flashed before her eyes, the image of his happy smiling face when he read her proposal written in the book she'd given him for Christmas what felt like a million years ago. And she finally cried for him, for the man she had loved, the boy he had been, and for the life he may now never lead.


	5. Visit

**Connor**

My mom finally came to get us from Aunt Haley's today. It feels like forever, Aunt Haley said she needed to be with my dad and Lauren. I understand that but I just wanted my mom here to tell me they were both going to be okay. Aunt Haley said they were – it's just if they were both going to be okay why were they still in hospital when Uncle Nathan was home. But today mom came to get us and take us home, Lauren was waiting when we got back. Mom said she had to rest in bed and we shouldn't disturb her. Lauren shouted from upstairs that no amount of resting would do for her recovery what seeing her baby brother would. It made me feel special. So mom let me go see her, it seems weird but even Emily wanted to go and say hi. Lauren let her too. Lauren looks okay, in fact you can hardly tell anything happened to her. Mom said the doctors were just observing her for two days in hospital.

I keep asking her about my dad but just like Aunt Haley she avoids giving me a real answer. That scares me so when she goes downstairs to get Lauren a glass of water I take my opportunity and ask her.

"How's dad?" Her face darkens when I ask. But then she smiles at me.

"He's fine Connor, he will be. He's just resting now." Before I can say anything mom is back. She says that she spoke to grandma and grandpa is getting released from hospital today. Aunt Haley already told us that his legs had stopped working but the doctors would do everything they could to make them work again.

"Can I go see dad? I know he needs to rest but maybe I can just tell him the latest basketball scores." My mom and Lauren look at each other and for the first time in my life I realise they are sharing something I'm not part of. It's never been like that. Lauren has never shared anything with anyone but me. Suddenly it feels like my entire world is about to change and I'm scared about what that means.

"Maybe another day baby, we should be celebrating Lauren being home now. How about we order Chinese food – I know it's your favourite." I know there's something they're not telling me. I just can't figure out what it is. So I agree to Chinese food because it makes my mom smile – which is when I realise that she's not smiled in a really long time.

We spent the evening in Lauren's room, all four of us watching TV and eating Chinese food. It's the first time I can ever remember my two sisters being in the same room without fighting. It feels nice but ever so often I remember how my dad is in hospital and no one will really tell me what's happening.

* * *

**Brooke**

Brooke rubbed a hand across her tired eyes and swirled her wine around the half empty glass. A movie was playing on the TV but she'd no real clue as to the storyline. She had been watching the film for the best part of an hour but doubted she'd really taken anything in. With Connor and Emily back at school and Lauren still resting she'd taken the opportunity to visit Keith today. She was devastated to see him. He was just such a huge presence, an energy and to see him so vulnerable and so incapable broke her heart. Yet another person that was suffering because of her actions. The vibrating of her cell phone shocked her and she jumped, spilling a little wine onto her tracksuit bottoms.

"Hey Hales, what's up?"

"I just wanted to know how Luke was." Brooke let her head fall back against the sofa cushion. The conversation seemed too much to bear. Again.

"There's been no change Haley." Haley had called her constantly for the past two days, but truthfully since Lauren had been discharged two days ago she'd not stepped foot inside the hospital. A fact she found difficult to admit to anyone. She desperately wanted to talk to someone – anyone about what was happening, how she felt. But she couldn't reveal her secrets.

"Oh, well would you mind if I went to visit him? I wouldn't want to interrupt your time together but I'd like to see him."

"Sure you can visit, the doctor said to talk to him, so he might like to hear your voice." She tried so desperately hard to hold back her tears.

"Does he respond at all when you talk to him?" Brooke couldn't find it in herself to admit she hadn't visited him, nor was she able to lie to Haley.

"The doctor said they're not sure whether he can hear or not. And when he does move they say it's likely to just be spasms." She knew technically she was lying by not giving the full story but it seemed the lesser of two evils.

"I can't imagine how you're feeling right now honey, Nathan walked away so lightly compared to Keith, and as awful as what's happening to him is with you and Luke it's so much worse. I mean I'm terrified that he won't wake up." If Brooke was honest she was terrified of that too. She'd spent countless hours on the internet – some people spent decades in a coma and never woke up. How did you live like that? Did you stop waiting for the phone to ring, stop waiting for that person to wake up or was every day spent waiting for something which probably would never happen?

"I'm just focussing on the children right now Haley." It wasn't a total lie, her actions were all focussed on her children but her mind was unable to think of anything but Lucas, which given everything was highly ironic.

"That makes sense I'm sure, but you need time for yourself too Brooke, I mean this is the man you love after all." A week ago Brooke Scott or Brooke Davis as she had been increasingly thinking of herself as would have said she fell out of love with Lucas Scott more than a couple of years ago, but facing the tragedy that was occurring she questioned whether that were truly the case.

"It's best I don't have time to think actually." There were quite simply too many arguments and regrets to play over in her head and she wasn't certain she could face any of them.

"I guess I can understand that, but you have to believe he loves you enough to come back." Brooke could barely stop the laughter then – he loved her enough to come back. He was only in this mess because he, she or they were running away from one another. It was sad but they'd reached the end of the line – and this was what happened.

"Haley I can hear Connor calling for me so I have to go – but feel free to stop by and visit Luke whenever you get the chance. Bye." She didn't even wait for Haley to echo the sentiment but hanging up. She sighed, exhausted by the conversation. Attempting to maintain the appearance of their marriage was beyond difficult. The trouble was from the outside their family looked perfect, but there were so many things that no one else knew. If this had happened just one day later then the pretence would be over, but now she was left to deal with it all by herself. Part of her resented Lucas for that, she tried to reason with that part – it wasn't like Lucas chose to be in a life threatening car crash and a subsequent coma.

* * *

**Lauren**

I can hear the door open and look over at the clock, it's just 4:30 in the afternoon and my mom is home from work. Since the accident she's always home before 5, it's almost scary. Connor has been on my case since he got in from school – he wants to go visit dad. I can't say I blame him, I know that Emily wants to go too – not that we've actually spoken. After I got out of hospital we were borderline nice to each other, but it didn't last a week. Mom refuses to let them go, says they're both too young to see him so badly injured. Neither have really been told how bad his injuries were – then again when I was there two days ago the doctor happened to be checking on him when I arrived. He said that dad's ribs were nicely healed and so was his pelvis. Both of which are good signs. He also said they'll be taking the cast off his arm next week as both his arm and shoulder are almost there. The doctor also said that he really could do with speaking with my mom about his progress. I know that the broken bones healing are progress to the doctors but for me I can't see it. I pad softly down the stairs so as not to alert my brother that I'm going to see my mom.

"Hi." She jumps a little and stands from her crouched position putting away the groceries.

"Hey honey, you feeling okay?" She's forever asking me that – I'm always fine. I want to point out that I got discharged from hospital 5 weeks ago now and if I was going to have any problems I'd have got them by now.

"Yeah, I didn't get chance to speak to you about dad yesterday. When I saw him on Tuesday the doctor said that his pelvis and ribs were healed and his shoulder and arm would be by next week. He said he'd like to talk to you about things though." She turns away from me as I start talking about dad and continues to create order from chaos.

"Well I'm sure I'll see him soon."

"I don't know how mom – I saw the visitors list, you've not been at all." Admittedly I'd been looking for her name specifically to back up my hunch but I still saw she had neglected to visit him.

"Well looking after you three, the house and my business takes up a lot of time."

"The doctor said that hearing our voices might wake him up. Surely yours would have more chance than anyone's. You're his wife."

"Lauren he loves you three far more than me – if anything will make him wake up it's the three of you."

"But he isn't. I tried and he isn't. You won't let Connor or Emily go – so you have to try." She freezes then and turns to me.

"Trust me I would be the last person your father would want to talk to. I will visit and speak with the doctor soon."

"Why are you being such a bitch?" She shakes her head at me.

"Three months ago you couldn't even stand being in the same room as him, how many times did you tell him you wished he were dead or gone and now you're mad because I haven't visited. Lauren for god's sake give me a break. Just because he's ill doesn't mean everyone's feelings magically change." I blink furiously to clear the tears and storm out of the house knowing there's only one possible place for me to go.

It doesn't take long for me to reach the auto shop, it never does when I'm in a mood like this. I storm inside and the metal door bangs loudly, reverberating through the shop behind me.

"Lauren?" I smile when I hear my grandpa call my name. He isn't here that much lately. I've never seen my grandpa as low as he was after the accident. He lost interest in the shop almost completely. I can only assume because he thought that there was little point being interested in something he could no longer do. It gives me hope to know he's there. I greet everyone as I make my way to the office. I go in and kiss him on the cheek.

"Hey grandpa." He pats the office chair he can no longer get himself onto and I sit beside him in his wheelchair.

"So guess what happened this morning," he doesn't actually want me to guess so I remain quiet and let him continue. "I was getting out the chair into the shower seat and my foot got caught and all twisted and mangled." I pull a face wondering why in the hell this is a good thing. "And it hurt like hell." My eyes widened as I realise what he's telling me.

"You felt it?" The smile lights up his whole face.

"Sure did kiddo – in fact it hurt so much I looked down to see what I'd done. Your grandma looked so happy." I get up and give him a tight hug. As I realise him he carries on. "We went to speak to the doctor today and had some checks done and the good news is the swelling is slowly decreasing and he says that feeling pain is the first step. He did warn me that it might not be a fast process even though this is a good sign. But there's hope for me and that's enough now."

"Grandpa that's so great." He grins once more and then becomes sombre.

"However you coming banging in here tells me that things aren't so great in your house."

"I found out that mom hasn't been to visit dad – not once in five weeks has she been to see him. I want her to go cos the doctor said hearing our voices might help. And...Well the doctor also said that in situations like this patients usually wake up somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks and well – we're past that now and I guess I'm scared he's just not going to wake up."

"Lauren comas aren't predictable. Even the doctors aren't sure what happens with them. Just because he's taking his time doesn't mean it won't happen. Look at me for instance."

"She's such a witch!"

"Lauren don't talk about your mother like that."

"Why not? First she doesn't visit him, then she says he wouldn't want her to, then she says that even though he's ill feelings don't magically change. What does that even mean? Sure they fight like all the time and stuff and it's not like it was when I was younger but – does that mean she doesn't love him?"

"Lauren things with your parents are complicated. Brooke she's struggling I imagine to understand her own feelings. Putting pressure on her won't help. She'll come through in the end."

* * *

**Brooke**

These have been the longest 8 weeks of my life, but I'm here. In order to stave off the inevitable I try and find a doctor first. I'm successful and Lucas' doctor takes me off to his office to discuss things. He's got himself a coffee and a hot chocolate for me. He looks at me quizzically when he asked if I would like a coffee and instead I requested hot chocolate. A flashed memory shoots across my eyes of Lucas bringing me hot chocolate in bed every morning for the first year we were married. He'd even make it with whipped cream and mini marshmallows.

"Mrs Scott," The doctor leans forward over his desk and it makes me recline in my seat. "The good news is that barring your husband's fractured tibia his injuries have all healed nicely. I suspect that within the month we can look at removing his leg cast also. However obviously given the severity of his injuries he will need lengthy physiotherapy should he recover. We're looking at not just the damage of the accident but also the fact that he has been immobile for a considerable period now which means there may well be muscle wastage beginning. There are small things that the physio team can begin to do for him to hopefully keep muscle wastage to a minimum but obviously there are many limitations while he is still comatose. However the good news to that regard is that the swelling in his brain has decreased rather substantially and on the last assessment I was very pleased to note that on the GCS – Glasgow Coma Scale – your husband seems to be showing promising signs of improvement. He is having both visual and motor responses to pain which suggest he is in a lighter comatose state than he was previously."

"He's going to wake up then?"

"I still can't say Mrs Scott, his progress is promising, despite being slower than we would like. The swelling is significantly decreased but not to the extent that we would have predicted given that we are eight weeks post-trauma."

"So he's an average student that could be doing better." She tried to inject some humour into her tone but knew she'd failed. The doctor smiled at her anyway.

"That's an interesting way of wording it. The results of the latest scan for brain activity are heartening as is the progress he is making. In cases such as this the fact is we simply do not know whether your husband will regain consciousness or not, however as I say the signs are positive." Brooke wanted to question how she was supposed to explain all that to her children, the youngest two not being of an age where she felt comfortable explaining that despite a few good signs their father may never come back. Instead she smiled in return at the doctor's smile, shook the hand that was offered and left. She was sorely tempted to walk straight out the hospital but the sadist in her forced her to Lucas' room. It felt like an eternity in which she stood, one hand on the door ready to push it open. But she wasn't ready, she'd never be ready. She went in anyway. She was almost pleasantly surprised to see him. The image of him the day after the accident had been imprinted on her brain and was the only thing she'd seen these past eight weeks. Now however the only indication that he'd been in an accident was his leg still in pot and traction. The cuts had healed and bruises had gone. His hair had even grown back now. In repose he looked like her Lucas again. Something which he no longer was.

"Hey." Her voice came out thicker and raspier than usual. "I know I'm the last you want to listen to, after everything." She ventured further into the room and sank into the chair beside his bed. She was sorely tempted to take his hand but stopped herself. "Luke, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything now but I am. Connor and Emily are desperate to see you, I didn't want them to because I thought it would upset them, truth is the only I could see is the immediate damage after the accident. But that's not how you look anymore. So I think I'll let them come see you now. Lauren's convinced that hearing us all will make you wake up, particularly me. I figure you'll wake up screaming and shouting abuse at the sound of my voice. Luke I...well I guess it doesn't matter much now." She left him then, she knew if she stayed she'd say more than she wanted to. He may be unconscious but the idea of him hearing her inner thoughts and feelings considering the gulf that separated them emotionally terrified her.

She was glad she managed to get home before Lauren left to collect her siblings from school. Brooke wanted to talk to her alone. She slipped into her room and watched her daughter, the earphones from her I-pod effectively allowing Brooke access to her daughter that would usually be forbidden. Then Lauren looked up and saw her. She removed the earphones and looked expectantly at Brooke.

"I spoke to your dad's doctor today, there's been improvement. I get the feeling he might be hopeful but I think he's hedging his bets. Even if he wakes up though there's a long rehab process considering his injuries and the time he's spent in bed." Brooke paused. "I went to see him." Lauren's gaze lifted to meet Brooke's. "I think that now he looks – like your father again it would be good for Emily and Connor to be able to visit. I was thinking tomorrow when you go you could take them with you." Brooke expected an argument, for Lauren to force Brooke into another visit by demanding she be the one to take the younger Scott children.

"I can do that. I'm sure they'll be thrilled." Brooke heard a dismissal in Lauren's voice and knew that as far as she was concerned their conversation was over.

"Lauren I just...I wanted to apologise. When we fought about me not visiting the other week I just I was very unfair in what I said to you." Lauren snorted.

"No that's the problem you weren't. It was absolutely fair. I had no time for him before the accident...thing is WHEN he wakes up a week or so and it'll all be the same. You might think my feelings have changed because of the accident but they haven't. I still resent him and hate him at times. It's just because of the accident I'm reminded of that teeny tiny one percent of me that remembers my dad, instead of the man he is now. And because that part of me remembers that part of me still loves him." Never before had Brooke been given such evidence of just how similar she and her eldest daughter were. Brooke edged closer into the room, so close she was almost able to sit on the edge of Lauren's bed.

"I remember – the first birthday he spent with you. He wrote you a book, a story just about his baby girl. When we were all finally living together despite the fact you were getting too old for that story he read it to you every night. You know he used to wait until you were asleep and then come and sit in your room. He watched you for hours, just breathing." Tears were filling Brooke's eyes as she remembered the things she had loved about him. Lauren's face showed that she was a captive audience for Brooke's memories. "He was so determined that you understood the meaning of the River Court, the first day the three of us spent together he took you there, tried to get you to shoot hoops with him. You told you'd never need to know how to play basketball because you were going to be an actress – you wanted to wear pretty clothes." Brooke laughed and Lauren joined in. Without realised she'd ended up sat beside her daughter. "Crazy I know looking at you now. You've become everything he dreamed you would be."

"Yeah right, I'm the bad kid, the bad daughter – not like Emily."

"No, I know you always think that and no matter what I say you'll continue to believe it. But of all of you he loves you most. He treasures you above all else because – he was so close to not having any part of your life. I know it might not seem like it now but the relationship with you means so much to him, you were his life. Without you he and I would never have fallen in love, never had Emily or Connor. You made this family Lauren. Your father adores you, life just got in the way is all."


	6. Waiting

**Brooke**

Brooke felt sure her body would be like fire to touch as the waves of warmth coursed across her skin. When she'd been pregnant with Connor through the hottest summer Tree Hill had ever seen Lucas had stayed up every night, he'd spent the time spritzing her with cool water just to allow her some much needed rest. He always argued that he could sleep during the day when Lauren was at daily summer camp and Emily at day care, while she herself was at the store. She'd laughed and told him it'd be easier to get air con. He'd smiled and said that he liked feeling like he was actually useful during pregnancy – she'd given in. In retrospect she should have forced the air con issue – if not that summer then subsequent ones. But none since then had been as warm and they'd made do with a fan in each bedroom. But the one in the master room was broken and Lucas was not here to fix it for her.

She tossed and turned unable to get to sleep, the heat was stifling and made rest impossible. She yawned as she pressed her eyes tighter together. School would let out for the summer in just a few days – more time her kids would be spending worrying about their father. Two days after school let out Connor would turn 10. She had no clue how she'd cope with the fact that in eight days time it would be Connor's birthday – she already knew the only thing he wanted was for his dad to wake up. And that was something that she couldn't provide nor did it seem likely at this point that it would happen.

Tonight was the kind of night where you could peel off all your clothes and sprawl across a bed naked and still be too hot to sleep. Something she'd done just eight weeks after giving birth to her baby boy, looking back it seemed crazy that such a small thing would have been that which sparked the beginning of the end of her marriage. She'd been so mad with Lucas for disappearing off to New York to see his publishers when Connor was just 8 weeks old. The night had been incredibly warm and she'd stripped off and sprawled across the bed. It hadn't seemed like sleep would ever come but obviously it had for she awoke with the drowsy feeling that the fire of her skin caused by the heat of the night had seeped into her body. In actually fact her husband had felt so guilty he had returned home – and found her laid naked across the bed. When she tugged herself into full consciousness he'd had one hand trailing up one thigh, softly brushed her mound and then caressing the other thigh. His other hand teasing one nipple while he had the other in his mouth. She'd felt joy at him returning, her anger melting away – and she'd felt incredibly horny. The sweat had dripped from them that night, a combination of the heat, the exertion and the fact that they'd fucked with abandon – it being their first time since she'd given birth. Her body heated up another notch at the memory, she lost herself to the pleasure of remembering just how amazing sex with Lucas had always been. That he'd always known exactly how to tease and excite her – to push her to the very edge of what she thought her body and mind could handle and then take her further. Her body began to ache to feel him inside of her – something which it had not known for too long to contemplate. But she shook the thought from her mind – she knew that she'd never connect to him like that again, coma or no coma.

Ironically despite the waves of heat washing over her and the actual tiredness she was unable to sleep. She couldn't even blame the humidity for the problem – no the problem was that she was unable to think of anything but Lucas. Since the accident she'd been plagued by memories of him – each and every one of them good. She only wished that were a complete image of their family. She wasn't naive enough to think that this had happened suddenly. If she was absolutely honest with herself the cracks had begun to appear just months after they had married. His unwillingness to deal with problems leaving her to manage it alone. But with the same brutal honesty she admitted that if it hadn't been for that hot summer night when he'd arrived back from New York and they'd lost themselves in one another then ironically their marriage may well have survived.

"Momma?" The tiny voice pulled her from maudlin thoughts and she looked up to find Connor stood in her doorway, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. It had been years since he'd called her momma.

"Yeah baby?"

"Can't sleep." She smiled at him and opened her arms to him.

"How about you come into bed with me then?" He shuffled across the floor and cuddled in her arms for a few seconds before heat overtook them and he settled a few inches away from her. He curled on his side in a foetal position with his back to her.

"Tell me about the hot summer I was born." She smiled, when Connor was younger and had nightmares he'd sought comfort by sleeping in her bed, lulled to sleep by her tales of when he had been born. She curled on her side like he was, propped herself up on one arm and used her free hand to softly stroke his hair.

"Well the story starts when Emily was celebrating her first birthday, after we'd done the cake and presents and everything wound down and it was just and me your dad he turns to me and says 'I love our family' but he looked kind of sad so I said 'if you love us why the long face?' and he says 'I'm always missing something – it never feels like we did it right. Seeing Em's first year shows me how much I missed first time, and even with Em I didn't get it all right.' So I smiled and kissed him, I got up and went to go upstairs to bed but I turned round and I winked at him and said 'you can do it all right next time.' Then seven months later I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant with you. It was the day of Leo and lily's birthday party in fact. Your dad spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy working his ass off to stop me melting, having you all safe inside me was like having a heater on permanently even though it was over 90 degrees. Then the most amazing thing happened, I went into labour at 9:15 one Friday night, the day before you were due to be born. And after my fastest labour yet you born at just one minute past midnight on June 12th – your exact due date. Which means you are one of only 5% of babies that are born on the day they are due." Despite the fact his regular breathing signalled he was now asleep she continued speaking as though he were listening. "I've never seen your dad as happy as he was the day you were born. He held you in his arms and he promised to always love us all, he told you all the things he'd teach you one day. And then he looked at me like I was the only person in his world and he said 'Brooke Penelope Scott there will never be a day when there are words enough to tell you just how much I love you, to get you to see how much you mean to me and how truly awed I am by everything you've given me. I don't think I have ever deserved you and I'm just lucky you never realised that either. My life is going to be spent showing you just what this family you gave me means to me and how grateful I am that you were crazy enough to love me back." She didn't realise she was crying until the tears hit her chest. She dropped her head from her arm and onto the pillow leaving her completely horizontal. At some point her tears dried leaving tracks down her cheeks – she watched her son sleep and envied him his peace. It would be a long time before she would sleep as soundly as he did.

* * *

**Connor**

Happy Birthday to me, the thing that really hurts is that this day doesn't mark my birthday in my mind it only really marks the fact my dad has been in a coma for exactly ten weeks. The cards, presents, visitors and cake are all meaningless. This is the first birthday I've ever celebrated without either a party or my dad. He may have hardly ever been here but he never missed any of our birthdays – even if it was a flying visit between signings on a book tour he was always around for our birthdays. It was a sad little gathering today, just my aunt, uncle and cousins, and grandma, grandpa and aunt and aunt and uncle. The only good part of today was seeing my grandpa manage to get around on crutches – sure it was only between the living room and the kitchen and he was exhausted but it was a huge achievement – or so mom said. Lauren said it will be several months yet before he is able to walk properly, and even then may need a cane for support. Just more evidence that none of our lives will ever be the same again. Last week my mom let me and Emily visit my dad for the first time. Emily only stayed a little while, she cried and ran out. I guess it's because he doesn't look like my dad so much. Mom said he'd had a lot of broken bones after the accident but they were all mended now and so he was out his casts. But he looked small. Uncle Nathan said he'd take me to see him again today.

"How you doing champ?" Uncle Nathan looks over at me real quick then his attention switches back to waiting for the lights to go green.

"Okay I guess...you think he'll ever wake up?" I can hear him sigh next to me but focus on looking out the window instead. I don't want him to see my tears.

"I hope so, the doctors said he was in a deeper coma when it first happened so if it's not as deep now I think that means he might wake up."

"They also said that the longer he's in a coma the less chance there is he'll wake up – I heard mom and Lauren talking." Mom doesn't tell me what's really happening, like Uncle Nate did all the grownups try and fob me off. For the first time Lauren is part of that group and not part of mine. I feel like I've lost her too.

"Connor, the doctors don't really know. It's not like a broken leg where they know exactly how to fix it and how long it will take, when it comes to your head doctors don't always have the answers. I mean I've seen news articles about people who wake up from comas after years. Or people who wake up after doctors say there's no chance. Truth is they just don't know. We need to stay positive and believe he is going to wake up."

"I miss him so much, which is crazy cos he used to be away so much before." Uncle Nate stopped the car at the hospital and turned to face me. I know he knew I was crying, but he didn't say a word.

"It's not crazy, he's still here. Just go talk to him – today might be that day." I nod and we get out the car and go up to my dad's room. Uncle Nate gets a coffee from the machine and waits outside. I shove the heavy door open and slip inside, perched on the chair next to the bed I look at him. I've only seen him twice, but each time I've done exactly what I've been told – I've talked to him. Today I reach out to touch his arm, and I squeeze an inch of flesh between my fingers. His arm spasms away from me and I let go.

"Sorry dad, I just wanted to know you were here. It's my birthday, I'll forgive you for not getting me anything if you wake up." I know it won't work but I hold my breath for a few seconds anyway. "I'm in double figures now dad, it won't be that much longer before Lauren turns 18. But you already know that if it's my birthday today. I wish I knew if you could hear me or not. But that's silly because if I'm wishing for something then I'd wish for you to be awake." A nurse comes in and I look up.

"Sorry sweetie but we need to get your dad cleaned up now and moved so he doesn't get sores." I nod and get up, there's not much reason to speak to someone who doesn't talk back anyway.

"Bye dad." Uncle Nate gives me a hug before he takes me home. I don't speak during the drive so he doesn't either. He lets me out at home and tells me to give my mom his love. My mom is in her room when I get home so I go sit on her bed.

"Hey mom." She smiles.

"Hey baby, how was your dad?"

"He moved his arm when I pinched him." She frowns at me.

"You shouldn't pinch your father – but I guess it's good that he felt it." I nod. She's moving piles of fresh laundry into smaller piles and keeps disappearing with it into different rooms to hang them in each of our closets. When she comes back in to get more I finally ask.

"Does this feel normal to you?" She looks at me and gives a half laugh, half smile.

"I've been folding and hanging all your lazy butts' laundry for years now so yes it's very normal."

"I mean it being just the four of us. Life is normal – and dad's not here." She rubs her forehead with the back of her head and comes round the bed. I scoot over and she sits beside me pulling me to her.

"Sweetheart I know it's hard but we can't put life on hold until your dad wakes up. Grocery shopping still needs doing, the grass needs mowing, and the laundry needs doing. Are we continuing on with 'normal' life – yes. Connor the truth is that's just what people do. We can't sit at his beside 24 hours a day."

"What if he's one of those people who stays in a coma for years? What happens to those people? What do their families do?"

"I don't know, they never stop hoping for that person to wake up, or wanting them to wake up."

"If he never wakes up will you fall in love with someone else and forget him?" A strange look passes over her face.

"Connor no matter what I'll never forget him – he gave me you three. I don't know what the future holds or what will become of us all. I just need you to stop thinking this stuff and start thinking that he'll be awake soon, if not by Lauren's birthday than by his brother and sister's. I'm sure of it."

* * *

**Lauren**

I'm just making a flying visit to see dad before I meet Ky for a burger. It was Connor's birthday almost a week ago which means time is very much marching on. The consolation for me is that mom visits him semi-regularly now, even if all she does is sit outside while Connor and Emily come in. It's a step in the right direction I suppose. I smile at the nurse who I always see him and go inside his room. I flick the switch to put the lamp on and pull out the book I've brought to read.

"Hey dad." I greet him as I take off my jacket and drape it over the back of the chair before settling myself in it. "I brought your second novel with me." The second is the most important because it's the one he wrote after he found out about me, after he and my mom fell in love again. It's the most important because it's the first love story he wrote and it's based on them. In fact apart from the names it's more or less exactly their story. That's exactly the reason I brought it with me to read to him. If mom can't come to see him as much as I'd like then I'll make it seem like she's here. "And he caught her, the rain lashing done on the pair of them but neither seeming to notice. He grabbed her arm and twirled her to face _him, despite the rain he knew she was crying and he reached out to cup her cheek. "Why Ryan?" "Because I need you to know that this is real." She shook her head. "No I need to know why this time would be any different." He moved closer to her then. "I'm not a kid anymore Lucy, I know exactly what I want. I've just experienced a dream come true and even before I knew I loved you I couldn't imagine sharing that with anyone besides you and our daughter. I watched you with her, I watched you in that hospital. I saw your strength and I saw your vulnerability and I fell in love with that person. I love the way you are willing to protect the people you love with your life and how you refuse to apologise for anything you do even when you're the only one who thinks it's right. I love that fact that you won't compromise on what you believe in. I love the way you opened up to me about your mother and how scared you are of hurting Amy like she hurt you. I love the fact you care and worry about being like her because it shows me just how unlike her you are. It's different because I now know just how much you mean to me, I know I'd not survive if I ever hurt you and I know I'd die to protect you. And because we're both going get pneumonia, but if you, need to hear why I love you and why this time everything is different, I can go on all night." He felt his heart swell as she reached up to kiss him, an explosion of emotion inside of him as he knew with a certainty that could never leave him that he loved Amy Morris, she was it for him. And in return he knew that it was an absolute that he, Ryan Taylor was the man for Amy Morris'" _I licked my lips, I'd read this book once when I was a young teenager. But I knew the story by heart anyway. I looked up at my father and dropped the book. I bolted to the door and ripped it open. A nurse looked up from the desk to the door at the commotion.

"Is everything okay?"

"His eyes are open!" the nurse was up in a flash and into the room, we rushed to the bedside. However heartbreakingly – his eyes were closed. The nurse placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I know you must have thought that he was waking up but he seems to be non-responsive again. I will go get a doctor to check him though. The doctor will probably want to talk to you." Left alone with my dad I let the disappointment swell and a single tear slid down my cheek before the doctor arrived. I was hustled out the room and left to wait for almost half an hour before the doctor came and sat beside me.

"Miss Scott can I ask what exactly you were doing when you noticed your father's eyes were open?"

"I was reading to him." The doctor nodded.

"So perhaps it was your voice he responded to. I've conducted some tests and while there's no signs of an improvement. However I'd like to see if we can get a response while I'm present from your voice, it may be that your voice is the stimuli for him right now." I swallowed and nodded and went inside. Self-consciously I stood beside him and held his hand.

"Hi dad, look I need you to open your eyes again because if you don't I'll think I imagined it and that I'm going crazy." But there was nothing. Sadness overwhelmed me for a split second as the doctor looked set to write this off as either my imagination or some kind of eye spasm or something I realised something. "The book!" The doctor looked back at me puzzled. "The book was I reading to him is his novel. It's the novel based on my parents falling in love. The famous scene in it where they kiss – that's the part I read. Where he realises he loves her and she loves him. Maybe that's what made him open his eyes."

"I would imagine that's a strong possibility. Perhaps we can get your mother to come in tomorrow and see if we can get a response out of him." I nod my head and for the first time in weeks I taste hope.

* * *

**Haley**

Lauren had told her he opened his eyes last week as she read to him. Since then there's been nothing and Haley knew Lauren was heartbroken about that fact. Both Connor and Emily's birthdays had been and gone, June is fading into July now and Lucas has been comatose for just over thirteen weeks now. Haley visits him religiously on Monday mornings, Wednesday evenings and Friday dinner times. She knows that Karen has an equally measured routine, though Brooke hasn't confessed as much she knows Brooke's visits are not as regular. Haley works on the assumption that this is because Brooke finds it hard seeing her husband the way he is.

"Well Eugene, you really are becoming a lazy teenager all over again, much worse than Jamie in fact – then again he's not quite a teenager yet – only just over a year now, but of course it will be the twins before then."

"Lil..." Haley's eyes snapped open wider than she thought possible at the tiny sound. She stood, hovering over Lucas. His eyes were still closed but his lips were parted.

"Luke?" Her heart jumped as his lids lifted a little.

"Water." She was elated! She was halfway to the door to shout a nurse before she realised he'd requested water and was back helping his head up to take a sip from the cup she offered him. He fell back completely drained and though she tried to rouse him again he was gone. But she hadn't imagined it. She went off to find a doctor.

"Doctor, Lucas just woke up and asked for water. But it seems like...well to look at him you'd know anything had happened."

"Mrs Scott don't be disheartened, it's very much normal for a coma patient to come round for a few seconds and then slip back again. It's a slow process waking up after such a long period of unresponsiveness. Let's go take a look at him." Haley felt comforted by the thought that it was natural for Luke to be exhausted after a few seconds of consciousness and followed the doctor back to his room. She watched silently while Luke was checked over. The doctor then turned back to her. "I'd prefer if you didn't contact his immediate family just yet, I really wouldn't want to get their hopes up until Lucas achieves a longer period of consciousness." Haley nodded completely understanding. She knew how elated she'd felt only for hope to be dashed and didn't wish to do that to his children. She stayed beside him for hours, praying he'd wake away. At some point she must have dozed off, a hand shaking her arm woke her and her head shot up.

"How long have I been here – you look like crap, and like you've aged about ten years."

"Weeks, Luke. Can you remember the accident?" Haley watched as he shut his eyes, his face a grimace.

"I don't remember anything, was Brooke and the girls with me?"

"No, Brooke and Emily were with me. Nate, Keith, Lauren and the boys were in the accident with you. But they're all fine, well Keith had some injuries but he's getting there. You were the worst hit Luke. Nate just got a broken arm, Jamie and Leo were fine – so was Connor but only because Lauren threw herself on him to protect him." Again a grimace covered Lucas' features.

"Who's Connor?"


	7. Awakening

**A/N: As I've been writing this chapter I suddenly realised that I had written the ages of Connor and Emily wrongly in previous chapters, as Lauren will be turning 18 soon then Emily can only be ten – almost 11 (as are Lily, Leo and Jamie) In which case Connor just turned 8. I have gone back and altered this but I apologise for the error and inconsistency.**

Nine years. The doctor had been almost joyous as he declared that Lucas Scott had woken from his coma with no real brain damage. However Luke didn't feel quite the same. The damage he was suffering from was real enough for him. Nine years of his life had passed by and he simply did not remember a day of it. He had no recollection of his novels, nor his wife's business accolades, her business at all even. He did not remember Lauren growing into a woman, or Emily learning to walk. Most significantly he did not remember his son. Haley had sketched a brief outline of the past few years for him, but it did little to fill in the enormous black hole in his memory. It had been just a day since he'd woken and the only thing that had really happened was numerous tests, doctors in and out, and of course a physiotherapist visit. No work had been done on rehabilitating his body, just a meet and an explanation of what to expect. His body had been badly injured in the accident and he'd been laid here for so long his muscle was not as strong as it should be. Therefore there would be a lot of work involved in regaining his usual mobility.

There was a soft knock on the door, he turned his head away. Haley had said she'd be here again today. He didn't want to see her though. It was too hard to look at his friend, almost ten years older than the last time he saw. A reminder of everything he couldn't remember. The door opened despite the fact he didn't give his permission for her to enter. The voice that met his ears was not Haley's. It was one unfamiliar to him, he turned slightly and saw a girl. He felt his breath catch in his throat. She was stunningly beautiful. In ripped jeans and tank top, long brunette locks tied into a messy ponytail, strands escaping framing her face and giving her a girl next door quality to a face that would not look out of place on the cover of a magazine were it covered in make-up. However this girl wore none at all. Her piercing blue eyes met his and he felt a tear come to his eye. He'd missed it.

"Lauren?" She came closer to his bed.

"Aunt Haley said you have amnesia."

"So the doctor's tell me." Again she edged closer, he sensed a distance from her but had no idea whether it was caused by his amnesia, making her wary.

"What do you remember?"

"Emily's first tooth. Your first ballet class three weeks later. I remember you giving up after two lessons and deciding you'd play little league instead." A hint of a smile graced her lips.

"The year I stopped being a princess in pink and became a tomboy." He nodded.

"Is your mom with you?" He was desperate to see his wife. He knew without a doubt that with her arms around him he could begin to make sense of what had happened to him, she could help him fill in the gaps of his life. But Lauren shook her head.

"She's not coming – at all." He stopped breathing as she spoke, unable to understand what she was saying.

"Is it because she needs to be with Connor?" He saw the shot of pain in Lauren's eyes and knew that his hope had been shot.

"The doctor said we should let your memory come back on its own. That maybe once you're home in a few weeks among everything that's familiar it will start to but...mom doesn't want you at home. She said she doesn't want to see you." His brain simply could not comprehend what she was saying to him. His wife, his adoring, beautiful and loving Brooke didn't want to see him, did not want him returning home. "She said she's happy that you're okay, and hopes that you get your memory back but that she won't be around."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"I need her, she's my pretty girl." Lauren shook her head sadly.

"No she's not. You haven't called her that in a long time. The same time she stopped calling you husband. The truth is neither of you are happy. You're never here and she's always at work when you are. They don't remember where you are but I do. We were a family where you are, we're just parts now." His mind was full of questions, wonderings on how exactly his wife had moved so far from him, so many things he didn't know. That only she could tell him and yet – she wasn't coming. "I have to go, my boyfriend is waiting for me. Em sends her love, Connor too. They don't know yet which is why they aren't here. Mom doesn't know how to tell her baby boy that his father can't remember him." With no hint of close relationship, no hug or kiss from daughter to father she's gone leaving him in tears. He feels utterly lost, there seems no way home for him and not only is he lost – he's alone.

* * *

"Hello my boy." Despite what Lauren had told him every time the door opened he hoped it was Brooke. Other than doctors and nurses Haley had been the only one to visit, until now. He took in her appearance. She was now closer to sixty than to fifty though didn't look it. The lines on her face had become deeper but he wondered whether that had happened during the decade he'd forgotten or the past weeks. Haley had told him about Keith. And while prognosis was improving it must have been a huge blow to his mother to have her husband paralysed and her son in a coma. So many members of her extended family in an accident that despite the bad injuries thankfully had not been fatal.

"Hi mom." She smiled and came over to kiss his head. Up close he saw the strands of grey peppered her hair, he clearly noted the tired look in her eyes. This life she'd been given had been full of struggle. She settled herself in the chair beside him and rested her hand upon his.

"Keith and the twins wanted to come with me but I needed to see you by myself, reassure myself that you really are okay." He wanted to shout and rage that no he was not okay, not even close. He could barely move his body and his memory was void of years. His wife...Brooke and his mother had been so close. Surely if anyone knew Brooke's reasons it would be his mother.

"Why won't Brooke come?" His mother's eyes betrayed a hint of surprise and sadness.

"I didn't know she wouldn't." He looked away not wanting her to see his pain.

"What happened to my perfect life?" He felt her hand softly stroking his hair.

"Oh Lucas I don't know. None of us know, you just spent more time away and you fought all the time. We don't know what went wrong because you were always so in love. The last time you came home though you did confide in Keith. You'd come home early to break the news to Brooke that a woman was claiming to have had an affair with you. You wanted to tell her because she was threatening to tell Brooke herself." His neck hurt with the speed he whipped his head back to look at his mother.

"I would never."

"That's what you told Keith at the time. But you were almost certain Brooke would have her doubts because of the time you spent away. You both had the worst argument you've ever had. The children even overheard and Lauren brought them to us. We don't know what happened because you left again without a word."

"She won't come because she thinks I cheated on her." The words took a while to sink in, while it was upsetting to hear such allegations the truly devastating fact was that for Brooke to believe such a thing she had no faith in his love for her, and by all accounts their marriage was already struggling before then. If that was the case was it truly a surprise that Brooke questioned whether there was truth to the allegations. Lucas may not have been able to remember the answers to his questions but one thing he knew without question in his heart he would never, no matter what the circumstance betray his wife. "I wouldn't."

"Lucas I don't have the answers you want. In the midst of us all raising our children and the both of you building your careers we've all drifted apart. None of our relationships are as strong as they once were."

"When did it fall apart?"

"Well there were a few arguments when Emily was little but nothing major obviously or I doubt you'd have gone on to have Connor. Then when Connor was about two the trips increased a little, by the time he was four you were hardly ever here Brooke had thrown herself into her business and the two of you seemed unwilling to connect with the rest of us." Lucas felt utterly frustrated by the fact he couldn't remember. He tried to create an image of a son in his head but found nothing he could use to form an image. He had no idea how he'd deal with the boy when he saw him.

* * *

"How was he?" Brooke could just about make out the silhouette of her daughter come in the door. It was almost midnight and Brooke had been sat on the sofa as the dusk faded into night waiting for her to come home. Lauren was fifteen minutes past her curfew but Brooke didn't have the energy nor the inclination to bring that to her attention. She had waited all day to speak to her. The lamp near the door was flicked on giving the room a slight glow.

"Geez mom what the hell was that about sitting in the dark waiting for me. Weird much." Brooke knew she rolled her eyes rather than saw the action.

"So?" Lauren sighed.

"You could just visit and see for yourself." Brooke allowed her eyelids to drop closed in a show of her weariness. Lauren sighed and settled herself crossed legged on the foot stool.

"Did he know you?"

"Sure he did – but I'm guessing that's because I'm almost a carbon copy of you at this age. Well except the blue eyes and less than girly exterior." Brooke's heart had leapt into her mouth at the thought Lucas could remember. "But the true answer is no he didn't know me he guessed. He was devastated that you weren't coming, that you didn't want him here."

"Lauren I know it might seem odd but..." Lauren shook her head to stop Brooke's words.

"It's not really. I was totally eaten up with worry that he'd die but now I know he'll be okay it's business as usual as far as I'm concerned. Which I figure is how you feel, I mean sure that guy in the hospital didn't contribute to the mess that is our family because he's dad from a million years ago. But just because he has the love vibe for us and can't remember all the bad doesn't mean that we're right there with him." Lauren may not always be willing to speak to her but Brooke felt right then that she was perhaps the only one in their entire extended family that didn't hate Brooke's decision. That could understand that while the Lucas Scott that had woken up didn't remember all the reasons their marriage had died didn't mean that suddenly the problems were erased as well.

"It's not too late for you all to have a good relationship with him." Lauren shrugged and stood. She was at the foot of the stairs before she turned back to her mother.

"Yes it is. In a few months time I'll be gone, and besides when he remembers who he is it'll all go back." Brooke heard the sadness in Lauren's voice. As her gaze fell away from the now deserted staircase it caught upon a photo taken their first Christmas as a family. Brooke had been pregnant with Emily at the time, she and Lucas had just gotten engaged and Lauren had gotten everything she'd wished for. The reminder of a happy time was like a sword in her heart. If she closed her eyes she could remember before Lucas came back, when it had been her and Lauren – and Karen – against the world. She missed her daughter in a near visceral sense when she remembered how close they'd once been. Brooke had been so sure that their closeness would remain no matter what. They would have exactly the relationship Brooke had wanted with her own mother. That had fallen away like the love in her marriage had done. Brooke wondered when exactly it had gone wrong for them. Maybe it had been Lucas arriving in the first place. Perhaps upon introduction of a second parent it had begun to loosen the tight bonds between mother and daughter. Though she knew Lauren would never admit it she was certainly the child most hurt by Lucas' absence through the years. It had been such a novelty and a joy for Lauren to finally meet her father, to have him in her life. She'd never felt the security that Emily and Connor had been born into and it had given her severe issues with her father as she'd grown older. And Brooke's error had been that instead of trying to compensate for Lucas spending more time away she had thrown herself into work in a bid to bury her own pain. The truth was they were both guilty of being too wrapped up in their pain and their problems to really pay attention to how badly their children suffered.

Emily only blossomed when Lucas was around, she was the neglected middle child the rest of the time. Lauren had removed herself from her family at every possible instance and Connor had wound up with two part-time parents and a full time sister/parent in Lauren. Theirs seemed the only stable relationship in the family and yet Brooke had begun to resent it at one point. Connor was her baby, would be the only baby in her life now. She had realised with a jolt one day that Lauren spent more time being a mother to him than she did. Which was bad for all concerned, Brooke was being a mother like her own which was unacceptable, Connor was never given stable parenting and Lauren was sacrificing her own self and needs for Connor's and she was so young. Brooke had been a mother at Lauren's age and she'd missed so much of her youth. She'd been unable to live like a normal high school student and she'd realised that by allowing Lauren to parent Connor she was robbing her daughter of the exact same things she herself had missed out on. Not for the first time she cursed that her life had become so bogged down in misery and regret.

* * *

I looked up at the sound of crutches sure it must be grandpa coming out the office. But the noise approached in the wrong direction and I was shocked to see my father. He'd been released from hospital three days ago and I knew he was living with Uncle Nate and Aunt Haley. Emily and Connor had been told about his amnesia and somehow their mother had convinced Connor that it might be wise to let Lucas adjust before meeting the son he couldn't remember. Connor had come into my bed that night. He didn't understand why the dad he loved had forgotten him but could remember us. I tried to explain that he didn't remember us as we were but rather our much younger selves. That he was trapped in a year before Connor's birth. It was a lot for him to take on.

"I always thought I'd teach my son everything Keith taught me about motors but it appears I taught you instead." I looked away from his slightly proud gaze distinctly uncomfortable.

"Actually grandpa taught me. This place is a refuge for me, has been for a while. You weren't really here enough to teach me anything." I wasn't prepared for the guilt I felt when the pain became apparent in his eyes. It was hard for me to cope with the situation. Despite what I'd said to my mom after I'd visited him this was the man I loved more than anything. It was the man he'd turned into that my anger and hate was directed towards.

"Your grandma said I was away a lot. Lauren I...I don't know how we got here but I do want things to change. Is it too late for us?" The sight of the tears in his eyes was heartbreaking for me. But was it too late? Grandpa had explained a few years ago while we were working on an engine together that the weird guy about his age that stared at me sometimes in town was actually my biological grandpa. That he'd disowned my father before he was born and because of the mistakes he'd made he'd become a bitter man. That bitterness tainted the life of the son who he did raise – my Uncle Nathan. He'd told me all about how he'd stepped into the role of father for my dad but my dad had always been aware and hurt by his real father's rejection. That by the time Dan Scott had wanted to forge strong relationships with both his sons neither was prepared to do so. For Dan Scott his mistakes had gone on too long and the damage inflicted was too great to recover from. Was the same now true of my relationship with my dad?

"I don't know how we got here either. I know the worst things got with mom the worse you became as a dad. I know that you never really seemed to want to spend any time with me when you were here. We used to be so close and I loved you so much, but you spent more and more time away and at first I missed you, but then when you came back you were so distant that it just never seemed like you missed me. So I taught myself to stop missing you. I didn't want you to die but...I don't know how to be around you either. Besides when you remember it'll probably all go back anyway." It was possibly the most honest I'd been about my feelings on my dad since things had begun to go bad. But telling myself that honesty was a good thing did nothing to ease my conscience at his expression.

"I cannot believe I wouldn't have missed you, I always missed you baby." I stiffened then.

"I'm not a baby anymore. I'll be eighteen in a few weeks. The truth is you might feel bad because you can't remember me growing up, but even if you didn't have amnesia you probably wouldn't remember it anyway. When you first came into my life you hated my mom but never once missed our time together. Yet for some reason when things went bad with mom you stopped being a parent. I don't care what happened between you, neither do Emily or Connor. The way I see it is no matter what you both should have been there for us. But you weren't. The irony is you became the man you hate so much. The one you said it was too late to."

"I may have made mistakes but I am not Dan Scott. I won't ever be anything like him. I don't care what happened I'm your father and I know myself well enough to know that regardless I miss you when I'm not here and I love you all the time." Guilt at hurting his feelings was gone and anger flashed bright and hot through my veins.

"I'm the one in the position to know what you've been like for the past seven years. If you gave a damn about us you'd have stuck around. New York and your work was a band aid for whatever went down with you and mom. We were just casualties of your war. You locked yourself away from us, and while they might still be young enough to want that to change I'm not. It's too late for change now. The damage is done and I don't even think I care." I turned my head away and stuck it back under the hood of the car I was working on. Fact was I didn't want him to see my tears. I wouldn't admit it to anyone but sometimes it felt as though there were three people in my one body. Sure I was a normal teenager at times, but at other times I felt so much older. I'm not sure whether it's from being a co-parent of my brother or because of the trauma of my childhood but I feel so much older than my years. The part that makes me feel ashamed though is the other part. The one that still feels like a five year old girl who just finally got a father, so terrified he would leave again. So desperate to be loved by him.

The noise of the crutches are the only sound that signal he's leaving and it's not until I hear the door bang that I realise he hadn't come here expecting to find me. Part of me even thinks I should go and check on him. From the sounds of it he would be a while getting back to full strength and mobility and I did consider that he might struggle to get back to Aunt Haley's. I sigh heavily and grab the keys to the pick-up. I make sure I remember to tape the 'Out to Lunch' sign to the door and lock it before starting the truck and crawling along down the road to where he's managed to get to. I wind the window down and shout across to him.

"Dad let me take you where you want to go." He looks up at me with a look of surprise and nostalgia. He hobbles across and I slide over to open the door for him. With great effort he gets himself inside and falls back against the seat exhausted and coated in sweat.

"I never thought I'd see the day."

"What day?"

"The day there was a pick-up in Tree Hill with Keith Scott auto shop scrawled across it again." I grinned then, remembering that of course he wouldn't remember the truck, or the shop for that matter.

"You must have known there was one since you came to the shop." He nodded.

"My mom told me about the shop, but seeing the truck is just...well it's like being a kid all over again. I used to love the truck, I learnt to drive in it. Keith taught me. He cursed me out more times than I can remember. He used to say..."

"If you carry on like this I'll need a repair truck to come and pick up my repair truck." I finished the sentence and glanced across at him. He gave a soft smile back to me.

"He taught you to drive in the truck." I nodded. "Well it sounds very much like you've had the same childhood I did, at least where Keith is concerned. He must be disappointed that he's had to teach you everything he taught me. The idea was always there for all of us that Keith would teach me to be a better man than my father was because he was so much better. I'm such a failure it seems." I felt a flash of sympathy for him then.

"Grandma is always telling him for spending too much time in his shop. Leo is super bright and prefers to stay home and conduct science experiments than work on motors with him. Lil is too busy with Emily and their dolls. Jamie has been known to show his head round here though. Truth is the only thing those boys have in common other than their ages is their love of basketball. But that's not a huge surprise in this family is it. Grandpa is the best man I've ever known, sure you'd say the same thing as would Uncle Nate. But he's not perfect either. So don't bother comparing yourself to him. Everyone has their flaws it's just you don't see his. We might have drifted apart but the one thing that has always stayed the same with you is the way you worship him. You got grandpa on a pedestal. Maybe it's cos he was a dad to you when yours wasn't. I don't know but...he's not disappointed in you. Sure he might not understand what's happening but other than mom he's the one that most gets it."

The sound of a guitar being played loudly hits us as soon as I pull into the driveway. Dad's hands go up to massage his temples. "I don't suppose we could keep driving a bit longer could we? Hannah is very enthusiastic and sure she's talented for her age but there's only so much emo and heavy metal you can listen to at that volume." I laughed at him then.

"Just you wait until her band's concert." He looks across at me questioningly and I nod. It is the truth, my cousin Hannah is a fourteen year old rock star. She's lead guitarist of a band that she assembled. She also writes the songs. Definitely takes after her mother when it comes to musical ability. Except I can't see her settling for a life of domesticity like Haley did. Even at fourteen she has a determination about succeeding, which means if she can get exposure, even if it's just some kid's party then she will do anything to get it. It generally means lying to her parents about exactly where she is. I'm not sure either of them would be too pleased that when their fourteen year old claims to be sleeping over a friend's on weekends she's actually playing music at high school parties. I can understand their position but I don't have in it me to tell them and ruin it for her. Besides everyone knows she's my cousin so everyone knows I'd kill them if they let her have a drink or tried anything.

"I bet Haley's thrilled. What do you say?" I feel completely torn. I want to get back to the sanctuary of the auto shop, but this is the first time in years my father wants to spend time with me, to talk to me and despite my usual prickliness there is still that small child in me that is so desperate for his love and attention.

"I guess another half hour won't make too much difference. It's technically lunch hour anyway." I want to kick myself for giving it, knowing it would have been easier to just insist I had to get back to the auto shop. But he smiles at me and suddenly I remember – I remember exactly what it felt like when we were a family. I reverse out the driveway and begin driving round Tree Hill. Unconsciously I end up at the River Court. He asks me to pull up so I do and he gets out. I watch him struggle to the almost rotten bench beside the court. I want to tell him not to lean against it like he is because it may well collapse but that seems somewhat ludicrous given that he's the parent and I'm the child. Instead I settle for leaning my back against the cool metal post holding up the basketball hoop.

"Can you remember the first time we came here?" I slowly nod my head. It was the first time since I'd gained a father that he and my mom took me out together. Every detail had always been etched into my mind. He grins at me. "I remember coming here with Keith when I was your age. I mean the age you are in my head."

"We used to come here when I was the age I am in your head." It's a stupid thing to say because whereas it's a memory for me it is only yesterday for him.

"I remember taking you camping a few weeks ago. Em's only a matter of months old but you're still jealous of all the attention she gets – so I took you camping just me and you." I try and blink away the tears as bits and pieces of memories of that trip come to me. "Were you scared?" I feel my head wrinkle in confusion, I feel suddenly like he's on a different page to me and I can't really figure out where.

"Of what?"

"Visiting me, being in the hospital?" I shrug indifferently. "You cried when your mom went into hospital to have Emily. You made me swear not to tell anyone else and you painted on a smile for your mom. I could feel you shaking next to me. You were so scared. Do hospitals still scare you?" I sigh deeply, crazy as it was the thought hadn't occurred to anyone else.

"It didn't scare me as much as it did waking up in hospital myself. I was kept in a couple of days which wasn't great. They do still freak me out a little. I don't like talking about it. I used to have checks every year when I was...that age didn't I? I've not been checked in three years now. It'll be two more before I am. They're not worried. Five years isn't a long time really, not for something to go that badly wrong. Not that they think it will."

"That's good. I mean that they're pretty certain that nothing will go wrong in your full and happy life. Not that you're still scared." I shrug again not wanting to verbalise what's going through my head. Like how he missed the check up I had when I was thirteen, and never came to any after that. There didn't seem much point telling him something like that when it was his future self that did that to me. He'd just feel worse than he already did. Besides the entire thing felt beyond weird to be here talking to someone I'd essentially not seen in years.

"I better take you home, I need to get back." Far easier to keep my distance from now on – or that was what I resolved anyway.


	8. Coming to Terms With What Was

**Firstly thanks to those people who do review, it does give me the incentive to keep going knowing there is someone reading this fic.**

**Secondly I know it might seem a bit harsh that Brooke won't visit Lucas but there is a reason for that, however it will spoil the fic if I reveal that now.**

**Brooke**

She paused as she was about to scrawl her signature on the cheque, Brooke Scott. She briefly wondered whether she'd be changing her name sometime in the near future. She didn't want to be a Davis again, nor did she want a different name from her children but she didn't feel that she deserved the title of Scott any longer. She told herself she was being stupid and signed the cheque. The last job of her work day. She was finding it harder and harder to stay away from Lucas as each day passed, only the knowledge of what her presence may unlock in his mind kept her away. She did however crave to be near him. She'd thought she had fallen out of love with him over the years. Which perhaps she had, she had changed and so had he and the people they were perhaps no longer loved one another. But he wasn't that person anymore, he was the Lucas Scott she fell in love with.

"Did you like the new display Brooke?" Her eyes rose to the owner of the voice cutting through her thoughts. She side stepped almost awkwardly away from him.

"Sure Tòmas. Well I better be going now." He looked as though he had something he wanted to say to her but she grabbed her bag and left before he could. Tiredly she rubbed her eyes and not for the first time wondered how she'd ended up becoming this person. Sometimes she looked in the mirror and saw her mother looking back at her.

"Brooke?" Her eyes snapped open from her daze as she heard the familiar voice call her name. She tried to paste a warm smile on her face.

"Hey Haley, how are you doing?" The woman in question looked at her through narrow eyes and Brooke prepared herself for the stern talking to she knew was coming.

"Well struggling a little if I'm honest. Having a bad tempered amnesia patient around the house isn't the easiest thing."

"I'm sorry." Haley pulled a face at her.

"Sorry enough to come and visit him?"

"Haley I don't expect you to understand..." Haley cut her off before she could continue.

"So try explaining it to me and maybe we'll see."

"Haley he is better off without me. We've destroyed each other over the past few years only now he gets the opportunity to live his life free from all the terrible things we've said and done. My visiting him could only ever serve as a reminder." A look of sadness covered Haley's face.

"You used to tell me everything." Brooke sighed, defeated.

"I used to do a lot of things Haley. He wouldn't know me if he saw me anyway." Brooke left Haley staring after her. She felt torn, Haley was right once upon a time she'd told her everything. But the things she held inside her that now Lucas had amnesia no one but her knew were things that shouldn't be discussed – ever. To do so would unleash pain and hurt that she simply didn't wish to. However to relieve herself of the burden of being the only one who knew was a tempting prospect.

She hadn't realised she'd walked to the River court until she got there. A lone figure stood on the tarmac and she watched as he sunk basket after basket. If she closed her eyes tight enough she could see the damaged old court as if had been for her wedding. It had seemed such a romantic place to have her wedding given the significance it held in their lives. She'd been beyond ecstatic that day.

"Are you planning on watching me forever?" She shook her head.

"Can you remember the first time we were here together?" The man nodded.

"The game of one-on-one." She allowed a slight smile to grace her lips.

"How times have changed." He shrugged.

"Maybe, sometimes it seems like everything's different but really it's just shades of the same." She raised her eyebrows at him.

"How so?"

"I still love basketball as much today as I did then. You still hide yourself from the world, back then it was boys and booze and now it's work."

"If that's the only thing that's the same then I was right in the first place." He shook his head at her.

"I know you Brooke, better than almost anyone else in the world. We might not be close like we were but I still get you. Something happened six years ago Brooke. I know it did. Lucas' trips got more frequent and the store went from a way to keep an old dream alive and to do something just for you to a state-wide business that you could bury yourself in. Somehow I feel like if I knew what went down I'd understand where you're both at now." Brooke swallowed a deep breath. It was true, no one understood her quite like Nathan Scott did. Nathan didn't often call her on what she knew only he would see. It was strange that they'd become so close. Growing up within the same social circles they'd known one another, as they'd gotten older and established their respective positions as King and Queen of Tree Hill High they'd formed a wary relationship, they weren't quite friends and yet not quite enemies. Then of course he'd begun dating her best friend Peyton, bringing them closer together and while in those days they'd been happiest trading quips and insults the truth was they were both very similar underneath it all.

Brooke considered Nathan the luckier of the two. While Dan had not been an ideal father he had been around. Besides which once Nathan had met Haley his life changed. He'd found the one person that would always be there. Brooke hadn't been so lucky the first time she'd risked her heart. True she ended up marrying that man in the end but it had taken a lot of drama to get there. It was ironic really that Nathan and she grudgingly put up with one another until he fell in love with Haley – a girl who she'd not been remotely close to until she'd become pregnant. Then suddenly Haley had become her best friend and Nathan had gone from the jackass she flirted with and locked horns with to being the one man in her life she'd trust with her world. True that had changed since those days, she'd fallen for Lucas once more and then married him, and of course there was now Keith. But the long and short of it was Nathan Scott knew Brooke better than anyone simply because they'd started at the same point. They'd experienced things none of the other Scotts had. Just like in many ways Haley and Lucas understood one another better than they all did.

"The only people who truly understand a marriage is the man and wife in it. Except in my case he can't remember. If the doctor turned round and told me Lucas would never regain his memory I'd be by his side in an instant – I think. But to be with him now is to live a life of fear."

"What are you so afraid of him remembering?" Her sad eyes pierced his.

"Everything." Nathan sighed deeply and came closer to her. As he opened his arms to hug her she took an unconscious step back. Her heart ached at the hurt etched on his face by the small action.

"Brooke I can't make you tell me what happened, I can only encourage you to see Lucas. One thing I know is we all have choices. Lucas might remember what you don't want him to, or he might not. Brooke ask yourself is it worth the risk to see him – the man you married rather than whatever he became to you. I know I don't understand it all, mainly cos you won't tell me, but I just think you're hiding." She turned her back to him and stared out over the water. Her hands rested on her face as she struggled with her thoughts.

When Lucas had discovered what had happened she'd just about coped with his reaction. But she knew that this Lucas would have an entirely different reaction simply because he was a different man. Besides which there was nothing he would be able to do about any of it. If she could go back in time and tell her younger self what would become of her then she would do. But it wasn't the same, this may be a younger Lucas but he was living in the here and now. The fact he couldn't remember living his life was irrelevant. Life had happened and it couldn't be erased.

She didn't know which scared her most, this naive Lucas knowing the truth, of this Lucas that she knew loved her deeply discovering just how far she had moved away from the woman she'd been. Many transitions had occurred and mostly she regretted them all. If Lucas' accident had shown her anything it was how much she'd changed. While it was unlikely anything could save her marriage despite the accident being a wakeup call to the fact she still loved him the accident had provided her with the opportunity to make amends with her children. Something she was able to do. And the voice in her head that insisted if she recovered that which she had lost Lucas would love her again would not be silenced however much she tried. While it wasn't her motivation it would she admitted be a definite bonus.

"One day I might tell you. But for now I need to focus on my children – not Luke. He needs to do the same. The damage we've done to each other is nothing compared to the damage we've done to them."

* * *

**Emily**

It was a little scary going to see my dad. He'd been awake for a while now and was settled at my Aunt Haley's. I don't understand why mom won't let him come home. She says it's because it would be too hard for Connor – because he doesn't remember him. But she never looks at me when she says it. So I think she's lying. It's strange to imagine that my dad can only remember me as a baby. My dad is my favourite person in the whole world so it was really scary seeing him in hospital. My sister has seen him – more than once – since he woke up. I thought she'd taunt me with it because that's what she's like. She's always been mean to me. Mom says she loves me really but I don't think she can. I can't ever remember her doing anything nice for me, not like she does with Connor. When she picked us up from school she never asked about my day – only Connor's. And mom isn't – wasn't around that much. When dad was here it felt like he understood how lonely I was in this house. Dad reads my poems and tells me how clever I am. He quotes things to me as well. That's why I'm so scared standing outside a house I know he's in, because he can't remember any of the things I can. So it's like my dad is in there – except he's not.

I let myself in because that's what I always do here. This house is as familiar to me as home. It sometimes seems a lot more welcoming – even though my cousin Jamie acts like he's so much better than me because he's two months older than I am. He's just a stupid boy though. He's always trying to put worms in my hair and spiders down my t-shirt or my dress. I like it better when I'm on my own. My mom and dad think it's good for me to be with Jamie I hate it though. They think it's even better if we're both with Leo and Lily because they're only a couple of months older than Jamie. But Jamie and Leo are stupid boys together, and because Leo and Lily are twins Lily likes to do what Leo does. So when it's the four of us she mostly joins in with their silly games. I only like it when it's just me and Lily because then she acts like a sensible girl and not a stupid boy.

"Hey mouse looking for your dad?" And Hannah lives here too – I don't really like Hannah too much either. She's fourteen and reminds me a lot of my big sister. Hannah loves my big sister. She says she's really cool and wants to swop her little brother for my big sister. I tell her she can have both. Hannah can be okay sometimes, but even on good days she always calls me mouse. It's because I don't talk as much as the others – but actually it's because none of them want to listen to me. Right now I just hate her extra because she has her dad and MY dad living here.

"Yeah."

"Uncle Luke is watching some old video or something in the den." She struts past me and I melt back out of her path. Once she's gone I make my way to the den. I can hear my mom's voice coming from the speakers. She's laughing and I don't really want to go in. I can't remember the last time I heard my mom laugh. Sometimes I sneak into the attic and look at old photos just to remind myself that we were happy once. I never really feel like my mom loves me like she loves the others. But when I look at pictures from when I was little I can see she used to. There are pictures of the four of us before Connor was born and we all look real happy – even if me and Lauren are never happy when it's just us. There are pictures after Connor was born too – not that many but still all happy. There are pictures of Lauren with Connor and she looks like she really loves him. There's none like that of her with me when I was a baby. I think I like the pictures from the day I was born best. There's one of me and dad that I like, and one of mom, dad and me that is my second favourite. But my absolute favourite is one of just my mom and me. Well you can't really see me, just a shape in a blanket really. I don't think mom knew the picture was being taken, she's just staring down at me, her little finger is against my cheek – or at least that's where I think it must be. The reason I love the picture the best is the look on her face. It's in that picture I know she really loved me once. I'm not sure why she doesn't love me like that now though. That makes me sad and I think I must have been really naughty. I just don't know when – or what I did.

I tiptoe to the door and poke my head into the small gap just so I can see the screen. Even though I've not seen my dad in a while and not seen him awake in months looking at what he's looking at seems more interesting than looking at him. I know straight away from the cake that the video is from my fourth birthday party. It was when I loved horses so I had to have a horse cake. It's strange seeing the video because I can't really remember that much about it. Dad has just brought the cake in and he put it on the table in front of me. Looking at the video I see a girl that I used to be with a pretty, happy, smiling mother next to her. _'Make a wish baby girl.'_ My mom's smile as she tells me to make a wish is huge and it's all for me. If I had one wish now it would be for us to all be like we were then.

"Can you remember back then?" I jumped a little when he spoke to me, I didn't realise he'd seen me. I pushed the door open a bit more and stood in the opening.

"Not really." He smiled at me then but it wasn't a smile like my dad's. He looked real sad.

"Me neither." And that was all it took for me to fling myself at him with tears streaming down my face. He pulled me onto his lap which was strange because I was such a big girl now, he stroked my hair and I felt younger again because it's what he used to do. Which was even stranger because he can't possibly remember that he used to do it – except maybe he could because he probably did it to her too. I never thought of that before. That's the trouble – everything I do with my dad SHE did first.

"I really missed you daddy."

* * *

**Lucas**

The previous day had been a delight for Lucas. He'd spent so many days pondering the monster he must have become for his wife and elder daughter to feel as they did for him. To spend an afternoon becoming acquainted with the delightful ten year old his younger daughter had become, hearing how much she'd missed him and listening with rapture to her tales of what they had done together and how much they adored one another he felt a sense of hope that had previously been missing. Brooke had informed Haley that now she'd explained the situation to Connor she would drop him round the following afternoon so that Lucas could in effect meet him. Lucas was incredibly nervous about meeting a son that he'd forgotten, which among other things was what brought him once more to the auto shop. He pushed the door open and struggled through the doorway. He hoped that once again a lunch visit would reap the rewards his previous one had.

"I'm glad you're here, I'm struggling with this engine and I wondered if you could..." The voice trailed off and Lucas knew that she'd anticipated that it was Keith arriving.

"Well I might not be the expert but I still remember a few things, I could see if I can figure it out – if you want me to." He tried to keep his voice neutral and not let her see just how much it would mean to him, nor did he want to pressure her. She gave a noncommittal shrug.

"Knock yourself out." It was most definitely a start. He studied the engine studiously for a while before pointing out the problem to her. She allowed him a small smile of her gratitude and was back under the hood fixing the problem. Surly as ever once she'd finished she looked at him. "You want to try starting it for me?" He ambled towards the driver's door and opened it, the engine started first time and he felt such pride in her ability.

"Your sister came to see me yesterday. We had a really great afternoon together. She told me lots of little stories about what the two of us got up to." Lucas knew he'd made a mistake the minute he opened his mouth. Lauren pulled further away from him than she already was.

"Figures." She muttered before making a great show of fiddling with something else on the engine. But he knew better. He just didn't know how to pull his foot from his mouth. So instead of trying to smooth the situation over he decided to take the opposite tack.

"Why did you shut down when I mentioned your sister just now?" He could tell by the way she brought her head up and stared him in the eyes she wasn't expecting it. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that fired up like she was she looked even more like her mother.

"We don't particularly get along." She turned back to her work and gave another little shrug. "But it doesn't much matter – she's always been your favourite." A bolt of anger shot through him then and he leant against the car in order to provide the support he needed to take one crutch from the floor and use his hand to pull her to look at him.

"I have never nor will I ever have favourites. You can blow hot and cold with me for the rest of your life and it doesn't mean I'll love you any more or less than your sister – or brother for that matter. My memory might not be great but that is one thing I do know." She laughed.

"If that's what gets you to sleep at night. But tell me this if that were true then surely we'd have the same great relationship that you two do. The truth is when you actually bothered to come home you spent so long locked away in your office you might as well not have been here at all. Fact is the reason you've got a good relationship with her, and maybe Connor is because they're not old enough to realise you don't give a shit about us. I woke up to what you're like and stopped trying to get your attention – they haven't yet." He was blown away by the passion and anger in her words. He might well have become a bad husband and father by being chained to his work but he was determined to find out what had changed him so much. One thing he was certain of was that Lauren wasn't completely lost to him.

"You really sound like you hate me. That's good." She gave him a look like he was crazy. "I'd prefer you love me obviously being as I'm your father and I love you, but truthfully the opposite of love isn't hate – it's indifference. And until you're indifferent to me I've still a chance to make things right with you." She laughed a thin cynical laugh then.

"You sound so sure, but fact is how can you fix anything when you've no real idea what the problem is. There's no magic cure, the years might have been erased for you but I still remember all the things you've said, done and missed."

"You're being unfair Lauren, you're only remembering the bad things."

"That's all there is – these days anyway." He shook his head.

"I know that's not right, no matter what happened to me no matter how much I changed I would always love you."

"Just not enough." He caught a glimpse then, a glimpse which meant a memory emerged in his mind of Lauren, much younger than she was. The two of them pressed together in her tiny bed as he assured her that the new baby didn't mean he didn't love her.

"You're still jealous." The words came out on breath and it was the worst thing he could have said right then. Her eyes narrowed and he saw her hatred for him clearly in them. It hadn't been necessary for him to say Emily's name for Lauren to know what he meant.

"Jealous? Is that what you think? I stopped being jealous of her a long time ago, after all what exactly does she win? A father who can't be bothered to be around a good 75% of the time. You're not worth me being jealous of her anymore."

"You can push and test me all you want Lauren, but the fact is the father who ran from the problems is gone and I'm here now. The man who tucked you in and read you stories. The one who kissed your cheek and held your hand before your surgery. The one who made sure he was with you at every check up. You remember the bad and I remember the good. Between us we're neutral which is a good place to start building something." She scoffed.

"You assume I want to build something with you dad." Her intonation when she said 'dad' provided clear evidence of her contempt.

"You wouldn't have visited me in hospital while I was in the coma, nor when I woke up. You wouldn't have let me help you today or taken me home the other week if you really felt like we'd reached the end of the road. You want me to be the father from your childhood and now I am you don't know how to handle all of your anger to a man who is essentially dead." He didn't imagine the tears she quickly blinked away.

"I grew up – I don't need you anymore." He swallowed and tried not to let his hurt and uncertainty show.

"It's not about needing me though is it. It's about me being the father you want. And I can be him Lauren, I am him."

"Words don't really mean a thing do they."

"If I proved to your mother I was a better man than she'd previously known I can prove the same to you, I can be the good father I was when you were little, he changed not me I'm still him." She shrugged.

"Standing arguing with me won't show me anything." He was stumped for words then because he knew she was right.

"I'm going to go home today. But I'll come back tomorrow and every day after that until you're willing to spend proper time with me."

"You'll have a long wait." Her words echoed in his ears as he left and he knew it would take a lot to break down the walls she'd erected around her heart. She was so like her mother.


	9. I'm Your Son

**Finally an update, hope people are still reading this fic despite the age since I last updated.**

**Connor**

So today is the big day, today I'm seeing my dad for the first time in months, except mom says he won't actually be my dad. He'll look like him but he won't be him, because he doesn't remember he's my dad. He doesn't remember me. It's hard and it makes me sad to know he can't remember me. He remembers Lauren and Emily which makes it worse. Lauren says not to get upset because he remembers Emily as a baby and her as a kid my age so he doesn't really remember them either, or not as they are now. She says I might even like him better now anyway, she says he was a better dad back then than he is now so once we get used to each other he might be better than ever.

But really I just want the dad I know, it doesn't matter if he was a better dad then than now, not to me because I wasn't even around back then. When he was in the hospital asleep for so long I was really scared he wasn't going to get better, and I was so happy when he woke up. He's been at Aunt Haley's for a few weeks now and I know my mom hasn't seen him. Emily didn't see him for about a week, but since then she's been every other day. I know Lauren has seen him a few times but I think he went to see her and not her to see him. She's still Lauren and she still doesn't really like him. I think that's strange because she said he was a good dad back where he thinks he is, where he can remember being. Lauren said he is real upset that mom hasn't seen him and won't let him come here. If Lauren says he was so great back then I don't get why mom won't see him.

"Mom will you come in with me?" She just pulled up outside Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan's house and she's looking at me expecting me to get out. But truth is I'm not sure I want to. I'm scared of seeing a man who looks exactly like my dad but is a total stranger to me, I'm scared he won't want to see me because he can't remember me.

"Sweetie you'll be fine on your own. He's still your dad, just because he can't remember you doesn't mean he doesn't still love you."

"How can he if he can't remember me? Please mom, I'm scared." I've got her I know I have, and I am scared but I want her to see him because then, maybe he'll come home and Lauren said that if he's home he might remember everything.

**Brooke**

She slammed the door to the car closed and locked it. She had a million places in her head she'd rather than be than about to see her husband. But Connor needed her and she had resolved that even when it was tough and against everything in her she had to do the best by her kids. Which meant that if Connor needed her to go in there and hold his hand while he met the man who was technically his father then she'd just have to do it. For the first time in longer than she could remember, possibly the first time ever she actually knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. Her stomach was doing somersaults and she felt dread creating nausea inside her. Her mantra being that she could do this for Connor.

Her breath was stuck in her chest as the door was pulled open, and he was there. It was funny that even though he was still physically the same as before he looked younger. Perhaps it was because he had no recollection of the more traumatic and difficult times of their marriage. She waited with baited breath, terrified that her standing there would be enough to make him remember why everything went so wrong. But he smiled instead. And she could see the love he had for her shining in his eyes.

"I'm here for Connor." The words were blurted out and she noticed the momentary frown before his features rearranged into a smile once more as he looked down at their son.

"Hey Connor," Brooke watched as Lucas tried to get to Connor's level, but his dependency on his walking aids caused him difficulty in doing so. Still she mused it was sweet that he tried. Fact was she had no idea how to handle this situation, even if things were happy within her home how on earth do you approach a child who you can't remember but who remembers you. "I'm glad you're here, I've been wanting to see you."

"Hi dad." Brooke squeezed her son's hand tight as he meekly greeted his father.

"Why don't we all go inside?" She directed her words more to Connor than to Lucas, unable to look at him. It was too easy to remember exactly where he was in their lives. They all settled in the den and a glance around told her this was where Lucas was spending his days. There were tapes labelled with family events scattered round the room, she was surprised to see some of their own there and assumed that Emily must have brought them since she doubted Lauren would have. Some went further back than his amnesia did and she found herself drawn to what was their wedding video. She did her best to drag herself back to topic at hand which was finding a way to build a relationship between Connor and Lucas.

**Lucas**

She was the only person that didn't look like they'd aged a day, she looked more beautiful than he remembered, there seemed more of a polish to her now and that reminded him a little of high school. She was put together. That was it. He tried not to let the fact he was thrilled to see his wife overshadow the reason for why she was here. She was here with Connor – his son. In the weeks since he'd woken from his coma he'd become accustomed to the idea of having a son, but it was strange for it to be like this.

"So Connor, when's your birthday?"

"You missed it, it was while you were still in the coma."

"Sorry. How old were you?"

"Eight." It was difficult for him to know exactly what to say, he couldn't relate to this boy who seemed so sullen. It wasn't how people described him and he wondered whether he'd done something terrible to this child too, or maybe it was simply because he didn't remember him.

"You know Lauren was almost five years old before I ever met her." He didn't know whether the children were aware of the different start he and Brooke had had to their marriage, was unsure whether they'd been told he'd not been around.

"Lauren told me." Lucas smiled a little.

"Are you two close?" And as simple as that he'd asked the right question. He watched his son light up at the thought of his big sister.

"Lauren's the best sister ever. She's my best friend too – well she was." Connor had deflated again at the realisation that things had changed.

"What makes you think she isn't now?"

"Cos mom's around more so I don't see her as much. She used to take care of me but she doesn't have to anymore. Plus she doesn't talk to me like she used to, she's one of them now."

"One of who?"

"A grown up. She knows stuff that they know and she doesn't tell me no more." Lucas knew that the things Lauren was keeping back from her brother had to be to do with him, he would put everything he owned on the fact that Lauren had kept things back from the first minute the extent of his injuries had been revealed. Somehow he doubted either she or Brooke would have been brutally honest with the younger children just how badly injured he was. His mother had confirmed to him that the first hours after the accident were touch and go for him.

"I'm sure nothing's changed. It's just sometimes the older you get the more you try to protect people you love from things that might hurt them. I bet that's what Lauren's doing. I think she probably just didn't want to tell you things that might upset you. Maybe about how sick I was after the accident."

"Maybe."

"Connor I'd like for us to start doing things together, one day I might remember everything, but no one knows it I'll ever remember, so maybe we could just start making new memories and you could tell me everything I've forgotten. I want to know everything about you, and in some ways you'll be just like your sister. We'll be getting to know each other from scratch - like I did with Lauren when she was younger. Would that be okay?"

"I guess so." With such a sullen response Lucas felt completely out of his depth. He remembered back to when it was Lauren, it all seemed so much simpler, aside from the fact he was physically fit and able to do things with her she had wanted to do things with him, she'd been excited about getting to know him, and he had been excited about getting to know her. Both he and Connor however seemed to be dreading the same process, but then he reasoned Connor already knew him, Connor was just responding to the mess his amnesia had caused. He wished he knew something about this boy, something that made him connected to him.

"Connor pretty much aced his aptitude test, but he doesn't like school. So it seems he's got a good mix of your brains and my inability to pay attention being as he's real smart but only makes average grades." It was the first real contribution she'd made and he looked at her gratefully. School, something he hated might not be a great discussion point but Lucas felt she was trying to draw similarities for them to focus on rather than pointing out his dislikes.

"I bet your mom wasn't too happy when she realised you could be doing better than you are huh buddy." Lucas saw a flicker of something in Connor's eyes when he called him buddy. He wondered if maybe that's what he usually called him and made a note to ask Nathan later.

"She said I got to try harder even if I don't like school."

"You like anything about school or just hate everything."

"I like sports, I'm real good at baseball. My teacher says I should try out for a little league team."

"You must be good, why don't you?"

"All the other kids go with their dads." He felt so upset at the sad expression on Connor's face. He knew exactly how the boy felt, hadn't he felt the same envy when he played football as a boy and everyone's dad was there – only his was with another boy and not him.

"Well if you want we can find a team and I can take you." Connor just shrugged. "I'd like that."

"What happens when you go again? You're always going." With Lauren it was a spiky accusation, with Connor it was just a sad truth. Clearly he wasn't around enough for his children, he didn't remember when work took over on his priority list, obviously he didn't remember. But for the Lucas Scott he could remember being family always came first.

"I didn't used to. See the dad you know used to be away a lot, but I don't go away too much. I prefer being here with my family then out signing books."

"Uncle Nathan said his dad didn't like him playing other sports because he said he wouldn't get to the NBA if his attention was split. I think I want to play for the NBA like Uncle Nathan's old friend Skills." It hurt, feeling like he'd gone back in time to when it was Lauren that was telling him 'Uncle Nathan' this and 'Uncle Nathan' that. Only now it was Uncle Nathan, grandpa and Lauren. At least he could justify with Lauren saying he wasn't around because he didn't know, how had he let his son grow up and not been the most important role model in his life.

"You're still very young Connor, you can play lots of different sports for now and you don't have to decide on just one for a lot of years. I used to play football was I was your age, before I really started to love basketball."

"I guess maybe playing baseball might be fun."

**Connor**

Maybe Lauren was right, maybe even though he doesn't know me he's going to be a better dad now, my dad was never around enough to take me to little league every week. But now this version of my dad is actually asking me if he can take me to little league. He wants to spend time with me and get to know me, and he says he isn't going away lots like my dad does. Maybe this version of my dad will make my mom happier than she has been in a long time and then he'll be able to come home and we'll all be happy.

I like that he is trying with me but still keeps looking at her. On old videos he used to do that but I can't remember him being like that. Mom doesn't give him the same look back like she did on the videos but maybe that will change, hopefully it will.

"Mom tell dad the story." She frowns in my direction.

"What story honey?"

"My story, the hot summer story." She sighs but she knows I love to hear it and I hope dad will too.

"What's the hot summer story?"

"The summer I was born was the hottest in years. Mom tell it." So she does, she tells about how they decided they wanted another baby and she tells how hot it was that summer and how he used to keep her cool, and they're both smiling and he looks like he's really listening to every word she says, and they even both laugh at the funny parts. When she's finished he leans forward in his chair and looks right at her.

"Tell me more stories about our son." I grin and my eyes shine bright on my mom because I want her to say yes. I like hearing stories about me, and I like that my dad wants to hear them. And I love that they're talking and smiling at each other and they look almost like Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan do when they tells stories of when Hannah and Jamie were little. My mom looks at me and smiles, she ruffles my hair like she always does when she is about to tell a funny story about me.

"When Connor was learning to talk, he was around 18 months old and we were at your mom's. Connor was sat on the worktop with your mom and he kept pointing to the cupboard where the biscuits were. So your mom starts trying to get him to say cupboard. Only when Connor says it – crazy as it sounds – it sounds for all the world like he's saying 'bugger'." I've heard this story before and I smile, my dad laughs and my mom smiles too. "The worst part was because he got such a reaction when he said it he obviously decided it was a good word to say, so he started saying it a lot, and Nathan – the jerk that he is – encourages him. Every time he sees him he says 'Connor say cupboard' and so Connor says cupboard, which of course sounds like bugger. Then he decides to shout it every single time we take him into the grocery store. Top of his lungs sometimes. People would just look at us like we were the worst parents in the world and I used to just want the ground to open up and swallow me – but you Lucas Scott just used to laugh your ass off thinking it was hilarious so he'd do it some more." I can see it at the end, when she talks about how my dad reacted I can see that she's talking to him like she used to, like I think she used to anyway. Like when they were happy and didn't fight all the time and they're both smiling and I never ever want this minute to finish because I like that they're happy and that they're smiling and I want us to be like every other family.

**Coming up next Lucas makes a discovery and confronts Brooke.**


	10. The Truth We Wish We Didn't Know

**Not much from the children in this chapter, but more is revealed about Brucas' marriage.**

**Lucas**

Yesterday had been a good day – the best since he'd woken into this living nightmare in fact. He'd been incredibly apprehensive about Connor coming to see him. He had an eight year old son who remembered god only knows what about him considering how everyone else in his family was treating him, while he didn't even remember having a son. Sure he'd seen pictures and videos since he'd woken but it wasn't quite the same. What pained him most was that no picture or video would remind him of witnessing, or what he was feeling when he witnessed, the milestones in his son's life. The tragedy being that Connor was the one child of his that he was literally there for every single step of the way, he knew Brooke was pregnant, they'd planned a pregnancy and been together throughout. And now that had all been erased,

Opening the door to not only his son, but to his beautiful wife had been a joy. Brooke had made it clear she was only there under duress but that didn't matter. Seeing her again was a happiness like nothing else. It had been difficult trying to get Connor to open up, but on the whole the entire afternoon had been amazing. Watching Connor cuddle into Brooke, watching them both with bright eyes as he'd lapped up everything she shared about their little boy.

He knew that he would be naive if he thought that things had changed because of yesterday, but it gave him hope. Hope that there was a way he would be able to reunite his family, because he knew Brooke better than anyone and there was no way that she didn't love him anymore. There was something else preventing her from being near him and he swore he'd figure out what he'd done to her to cause this mess.

His shiny new cell began to vibrate beside him and he stretched, ignoring the twinge as he twisted, to reach it. An unrecognised number was displayed, though given the fact hardly any numbers were stored in the phone's memory since it had been purchased just two days ago it was not surprising.

"Lucas Scott."

"Mr Scott I'm glad to hear that you're recovering, my apologies for not getting in touch sooner but I was unable to contact you upon your previous numbers. It's John Barker from Barker and Son. I just wanted to discuss the paperwork pertaining to your application for divorce. I did send the documents to you to look over before I filed them but given the circumstances I couldn't proceed until speaking to you to confirm." Divorce. This was why Brooke wouldn't see him, because he was divorcing her. But why? Surely he couldn't have changed so much that he would no longer love her, she was his entire world.

"Mr Barker, I'm suffering amnesia at the moment and I just, I can't remember anything about divorce. Have I given any indication to whether Brooke is consenting to a no fault divorce." There was a distinctly heavy pause down the line before the man replied.

"Mr Scott the application is on the grounds of adultery." Adultery. That had to be wrong, not his Brooke. He'd seen clear as day only yesterday that she still loved him, he knew he hadn't imagined that so surely this had to be a mistake.

"But I was told that the rumours were about an affair of mine, not hers." In the back of his mind he remembered what his mother had said that first day, that he'd come back because a woman was saying they'd had an affair and he wanted to warn Brooke and tell her it was nonsense. But that was his fidelity being questioned never hers.

"Honestly Mr Scott I don't know all the details yet, unfortunately we were just in the very beginning stages of your divorce. But it's definitely you filed against your wife for adultery – her adultery." Lucas was stunned. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe it wasn't just he who had changed, maybe Brooke had changed too. He racked his brain to figure out something that could point to this. Lauren hadn't mentioned anything, not that she'd be willing to divulge secrets to him of all people but someone would have said something.

* * *

He used one crutch to push open the door and struggled to get himself inside. A well dressed brunette man came rushing over to assist him.

"Mr Scott please let me help?" Lucas placed the accent as French and he let the man help him inside.

"Sorry I can't remember your name." Truth was he couldn't remember the man let alone his name. The brunette man nodded sympathetically.

"Yes your amnesia, Brooke told me how dreadful. I am Tòmas, general manager of Brooke Davis Clothing." Lucas nodded as though the prompt was all he needed but he was in no way more enlightened now than he had been previously.

"What are you doing here Luke?" Her voice startled him and he looked up to see her stood hesitantly in the doorway to a back room. He stumbled closer to her.

"I needed to talk to you." She looked away.

"I thought I was clear Luke, there's nothing to say." She sounded sad and he wavered in his certainty that the entire thing must be a mistake.

"I need answers Brooke and you're the only one who can provide them. Mr Barker created more questions than answers when he called." He saw the recognition in her eyes then. Her gaze shifted slightly to the other occupant in the room.

"Take an early lunch Tòmas." The brunette man nodded slightly at her before taking a jacket from the coat stand beside the door and leaving. She went and latched the door shut, turning the sign from 'open' to 'closed'. She turned back to him then. "Sit down Lucas, you shouldn't be standing for so long." He struggled to get himself sat on the padded bench down one side of the store. He took a minute to remember when they'd first found this place, it had been a wreck but Brooke had seen the potential of it. He could remember it being finished, he remembered how she planned the opening with military precision. Only he couldn't remember it opening. He looked at her and saw how nervous she looked, shifting lightly from one foot to the other.

"I filed for divorce before the accident, did you know?" She nodded and he saw the tears.

"The accident is my fault Lucas. That day we decided you'd come back and we'd do something nice with the whole family, and then when we all got home we'd tell the children. if I hadn't suggested that then you wouldn't flown home then and there wouldn't have been an accident." Her insane logic about causing the accident was the last thing on his mind as she confirmed that she did indeed know about the divorce, which surely meant that his grounds had the possibility of being true.

"Someone running a light because they were too busy on their cell phone to pay attention wasn't your fault. The lawyer said I filed on grounds of adultery Brooke." He watched her closely and saw her expression change.

"I'm sorry, I thought if I stayed away from you then you wouldn't remember." He felt like someone was ripping his heart to pieces in his chest. His Brooke had been with someone else. Maybe she still was. "I thought if you got your memory back in your own time it would be easier. I still remember how hurt you were when I told you and...you love me more now than then – if that makes sense." No he wanted to scream at her, none of this makes sense. It doesn't make sense that he can't remember going from being the happiest man alive with two adorable daughters and a loving wife to being a man whose family cannot stand being around him, or for the most part each other. He doesn't understand how his wife that he could swear still loves him could possibly be with anyone else when even in a marriage that was supposedly bad he never cheated, or maybe he did. Maybe they weren't just rumours.

"Told me, what did you tell me? That you slept with someone else, that you loved someone else? What did you tell me?" His words sounded hollow and he felt a little like he was watching someone else have the conversation. Funny how even now his first instinct was to comfort her as she cried.

"It was a mistake Lucas, one stupid mistake. You'd just flown home to tell me about some woman claiming you'd had an affair with her and we had the biggest of our lives because...because I didn't believe you when you told me she was lying. After you left I drank too much and what was supposed to be seeking comfort and advice from a friend...it shouldn't have happened. But when he...I just thought that if you could..." He saw the image in his head, his beautiful wife, hurt and drunk. A lecherous friend making a move and her being hurt enough and disillusioned enough to give into it. He didn't know exactly what hurt more, that she'd cheated on him or that the reason she'd done it was because she didn't believe he'd been faithful to her.

"Who?" He didn't want her to name a friend that he knew, he didn't want her to tell him that while he'd been receiving visits from friends one of them had slept with his wife.

"Tòmas." He couldn't believe what she'd just told him.

"If it was such a mistake Brooke why the hell is he still here?"

"I can't fire him for helping me end my marriage Lucas it's a lawsuit waiting to happen." The truth as he saw it was that Brooke's infidelity was the symptom of a marriage that was already broken, not the cause of it.

"It was already over wasn't it?" His sad eyes stared into her tear filled ones.

"I don't know Lucas."

"What happened Brooke, to make it so that you lost your faith in me?" She sighed deeply and stepped closer to him, perching lightly on the opposite end of the bench to him.

"A lot of small things mostly."

"It isn't the grand gestures that count, it's the little everyday things." He spoke the words sadly because he was heartbroken to realise that something he'd known – that for Brooke to trust him it meant doing the small everyday things for her that ensured she knew just how valued she was – had been the cause of his marriage ending. He looked deep into her eyes then. "You still love me." He said it was a statement wanting to sound more confident than he felt.

"I thought I'd stopped, but the accident it...at first I didn't feel anything but after I saw you I started to remember all of the good things, the beautiful times we had and how much we loved each other. I remembered what it was like to be us. And I miss that Lucas." A single tear from each eye rolled down her cheeks and he wanted to kiss away her pain. He just didn't know how. He wished he could erase all the mistakes as easily as his memory of them had been erased, he wished he could erase her memory of them.

"It's the only thing I remember." His voice sounded so foreign to him, he knew it was because his throat was clogged with his tears.

"I know you do. I'm sorry I hurt you, I never meant to. I didn't think it would anymore, not the you that belongs here anyway."

"Don't ever think I stopped loving you, no matter what happened in our marriage Brooke I would never stop loving you." She offered him a small smile.

"Turns out I never stopped loving you either. But that doesn't much matter anymore." She stood breaking the moment and he watched her put distance between them. He was left with the feeling that despite her being the one that was unfaithful he was the one who hurt her more.

"I told him not to file. I won't divorce you Brooke." She smiled sadly at him.

"You won't now, but when you remember you will."

* * *

He was still as confused now as he had been before he'd seen Brooke, maybe more so. True the idea of her being with another man was devastating but he was left with the feeling that somehow if she'd had faith in his fidelity she wouldn't have done it. Not an excuse certainly but a reason, some kind of explanation for behaviour that was so far removed from the person she was. It also begged the question how did he destroy that faith so badly. If his friends knew anything they'd have told him by now, there was only one person he could think of that might have some idea on what had happened. And he knew just where to go to find them. He tried not to let himself think how he was overworking himself by pushing himself to get from one place to another, aside from the emotional torment. He just knew he needed to do this.

"I knew I'd find you here – well after I tried the auto shop anyway." The brunette stopped in the middle of the court, they'd been going for a layup that he could tell from the stance.

"You make it sound like you know me." The ball was clutched tight to her chest now and she stood almost confrontationally facing him. Her long brunette hair scrunched back into a ponytail that emerged from under the baseball cap she wore. She looked so unlike the image anyone would paint of daughter of Brooke Davis' that he almost laughed. To him, though she was not the girl people would have thought she'd be having Brooke as mother, she was perfect. He loved that she loved cars and sports. She might not be 'intelligent' in schools terms but she was smart. Maybe not book smart but she knew things others didn't. She was perceptive and determined. She was everything he could ever want in his child.

"Can't you believe that just maybe I do know a thing or two?" She shrugged.

"I like cars and I like basketball. Well done." He shook his head in despair.

"You're exactly like your mother was at that age." She laughed.

"I couldn't be more different than she was. After all at this age she was a mom." Lucas rolled his eyes at her.

"Okay before she had you."

"Still different, she was perky cheerleader girl, fashion conscious almost a stereotype." His eyes flashed his disapproval, that was how everyone had seen Brooke but it wasn't who she was. But then who was he to judge, before the night she called him to rescue Peyton when she'd been drugged that was how he'd seen Brooke too.

"Surface, what I meant was you're strong, confident, sure of who you are and why you are. You're defensive and pushy because you don't want anyone to know that inside you're vulnerable." He knew he was crossing a line with what he was saying, she wasn't in a place where she would be ready to acknowledge that he knew her that well.

"What do you want?" He worked hard at suppressing his grin because her changing the subject proved he was right about her, she couldn't deny it but she wouldn't admit it either.

"I need to talk, I need answers and you're just about the only person that might have them." Her face remained passive for a moment. Then a smirk covered her features, a smirk that proved beyond doubt her parentage.

"I'll play you for it, now I'm not cruel obviously you can't play an actual game. Horse, instead of getting a letter you get an answer." He wanted to object, they both knew he wasn't in a fit shape to be doing this. But he knew this was the only chance he had so he had to take it. He could barely stand without his crutches but he hoped that even if he lost his determination would make her crack a little.

"What do you get?" She gave another little shrug as if to imply that she didn't care, she didn't want anything from him. She tossed the ball effortlessly through the net from the free throw line. He struggled into place and she handed him the ball. He rested all his weight on his left crutch and used his right arm to push the ball towards the net. He missed, the ball falling short. She didn't say a word as she collected it and made another shot, this time a three pointer. He followed her lead once again leaning on his crutch and doing his best to get the ball through the net. The fact that it had been his right arm that had been badly injured was not helping him much. The same happened for the next two shots she made and he felt despondent, and yet proud of the fact that each shot she made seemed beyond easy for her. But those four shots were nothing compared to the showmanship of the last. He knew without doubt that he would fall on his face if he attempted that shot – but he did anyway. He had no idea where the ball ended up.

"Dad!" His face touching that tarmac and his body aching like something else he felt her hands helping him up. She got him into a sitting position and settled herself opposite him. "You're an ass you know that? Why take the shot when you know you couldn't." How could he explain to her that this was the only way he knew to make some sort of headway into fixing the mess his life had become, to him overnight. He studied her deeply, foolishly he kept letting himself see his memory of her and not the woman she was now. Or the woman she almost was now. She would be eighteen in mere weeks now, beginning her senior year of high school and he suspected that he would only have that many months to make her see that he was changed, or rather that he wasn't. He wasn't this foolish man who gambled with his family for the sake of a book. He was the dad who tucked her in at night and read her bedtime stories, the one he shared father/daughter Saturday morning trips to wherever it was she wanted to go. He wondered when exactly it was he stopped putting time aside for just the two of them. He'd never done that with Emily, or at least he didn't think he had. If he'd started when Emily was older than he neither remembered it nor had anyone mentioned it. He suspected he hadn't because for him those precious Saturday mornings with Lauren were making up for all the time he missed with her.

"I just need answers Lauren." She sighed deeply.

"Must be some pretty important questions." He nodded, she simply had no idea that she could hold the answers he needed to put their family back together. She sighed deeply again. "Okay, let's pretend you won, five questions and they better be good." It was on the tip of his tongue to blurt out questions about her mother. Even he was mildly surprised when instead he said.

"Do you play formally?" She glanced warily at him and shook her head. "You're really good, why not play for the team?"

"I was too busy looking after Connor and Emily for after school activities, besides there's no girls' team anymore. The coach they had left and they've not got a replacement yet, well not that I've heard and school starts up again pretty soon." He felt sad to know that his baby girl had missed part of her childhood, an important part because of he and Brooke and their badly failing marriage. It wasn't fair and it certainly wasn't what he'd wanted for her, for any of his children. His own childhood had been a happy one, but he'd always been aware of the consequences of his parentage and the difficulties that brought him. He wanted his children's lives to be simpler, to be less full of drama than his own had been. He wanted them to enjoy being children and not bogged down with adult responsibilities before they needed to be.

"Is it something you'd like to do if you could?" She eyed him narrowly and shrugged. He could still fondly remember how much basketball in high school had meant to him, to all of them really. A simple game had meant profound changes in all their lives. It had brought him closer to his brother, brought Haley to her husband and he to Brooke. It had literally changed their lives when he joined that team. He may not have been around for long but the repercussions of that short period as a Raven lived on for years. They would in fact live on forever, the very proof of which was sat opposite him.

"I guess I could try it and see. I've only ever really played against the kids or Uncle Nathan and grandpa." Once again he was reminded of how little he must have been in her life. At her age he'd known where he wanted to be and what he wanted to do. He briefly wondered if his mother had felt like an outsider on his life when he'd been the same age as Lauren, if he'd pushed her away. It appeared like he had rather a knack for pushing away the people he loved. He found himself craving to know Lauren, to understand her and to share her world like he had when she'd been younger. To be the father he'd always believed he would remain.

"What are you dreams?" she frowned at him.

"I thought you 'needed' to talk to me because I had answers, presumably meaning this was meant to be about mom." She was spot on of course, but for reasons beyond his control what he intended to ask her seemed irrelevant to him now, sitting here with the opportunity to ask five questions about his daughter, questions that would give him insight into her she wouldn't otherwise allow he realised that maybe this whole thing wasn't about Brooke, maybe in order to find the person he used to be he needed to focus on his children and then everything else would figure itself out. All he knew was that he wasn't about to pass up this opportunity to get to know Lauren for anything.

"This is more important." He could tell she was uncomfortable with his answer the way she shifted in her position. She looked away briefly before shrugging and answering him.

"I don't really have any big dreams or anything. Ky and me talked about maybe travelling around a bit after graduation and seeing where we end up." He was surprised by her response, it never occurred to him that his children wouldn't go to college.

"You don't want to go to college?"

"I'm not the studying type, I don't enjoy it, I'm not great at it and I've no idea what I'd major in." Suddenly another far more important question came to mind.

"Who's Ky?" She laughed as she stood up.

"You already got your five questions and the five answers that go with them." She started walking away from him and he struggled to his feet, aching in every part of his body. She was at the auto shop truck when she turned back. "Need a ride?" He nodded and began to hobble towards her. The journey to Haley's was silent and he didn't press her, he'd got more from her today than on any other time he'd seen her and he didn't want to push his luck.

"Thanks for bringing me back here Lauren." She nodded at him and he opened the door and slid out. Just as the door was closing she said softly.

"Ky's my boyfriend, we've been dating for three months but he's been my best friend for years. He gets it." Lucas smiled at her to let her know without words just how much it meant to him that she'd confided in him, and he in turn successfully kept back any father like remarks about hoping he was keeping his hands to himself and what this Ky was like. After all he couldn't afford to ruin this progress. But he did wonder what exactly Ky got about her and her life because right now he sure didn't.

* * *

**Brooke**

She took the rest of the day off because she knew there was no way on earth she'd be able to focus. His refusal to divorce her played about in her head. A large part of her had wanted his amnesia to be permanent, for him to never remember what she'd done. She knew it wasn't the only reason he had decided on divorce, but it had been the one she knew would hurt this version of her husband the most. But she wouldn't have done it to this Lucas. It was hard wrapping her head around the fact that the man she loved, the man she remembered her husband to be, the one she'd wished for him to be again was suddenly here. But she felt like she was living on a knife edge, they couldn't go back just because he'd forgotten it all mainly because she was waiting for the day he remembered. She hadn't forgotten and he wasn't the only one who'd changed. She knew she'd changed, but at least she knew why. She questioned her decision to lie to him once more. She didn't want to tell him the real reasons why their marriage had begun to fall apart. But without telling him she knew he'd merely brood over how they'd ended up here. She pushed her door open and found her younger daughter knelt down colouring her book on the coffee table. Emily looked up as Brooke walked in. Her attention went straight back to the book and Brooke wondered how her eleven year old could be so dismissive of her.

"Where's your brother and sister?" Emily didn't even bother looking at her when she answered.

"Lauren's in her room, Connor wanted to stay with grandma longer." Brooke sighed and place her keys down on the bureau, slipping her jacket off and placing it over the balustrade at the bottom of the stairs. She scooted round the sofa and peered down at Emily's work.

"That's a good picture honey."

"It's for dad." Brooke couldn't quite figure out how her daughter had wound up idolised her almost absentee father and yet she'd been around and Emily just about tolerated her. But then again had she really been around?

"I'm sure he'll like it. When did you want taking to see him again?"

"I told him I'd go tomorrow. Aunt Haley says I can stay for dinner, she says since it's the holidays I can sleep over if I want to." Brooke smiled lightly, she was certain that what Haley would have said is Emily could stay over if Brooke allowed her to.

"That'll be nice huh?"

"Why won't you let him come home?" Emily finally turned to her and laid accusing eyes on her. Brooke studied her daughter, it was funny how everyone assumed she was just like Lucas, but every now and then she'd thrown out a look that was pure Brooke Davis circa junior year of high school. She was proud and delighted that if she'd inherited nothing else from her then Emily, like Lauren had inherited her strength. Sadly Emily seemed hell bent most of the time in turned that strength on her, and Lauren seemed hell bent on using that strength to put as much distance between herself and her family as possible.

"It's complicated Emily."

"Are you getting a divorce, Megan's mom moved out and she went to live without another lady and then Megan's mom and dad got divorced. Megan said that it probably doesn't count because dad is with Aunt Haley AND Uncle Nathan, but I think it does because he's living somewhere else." Brooke was left stumped by the question, she had no idea how to explain all of this to her. A few months ago it would have been a simple, but painful, yes they were getting divorced. Now Brooke felt like the answer was if your father regains his memory then yes we are but until that happens no we're living in limbo.

"It is very different sweetheart. Your dad and I have some complicated grown up problems but we still love each other and all of you but we just need some time away from each other to figure out things."

"But dad's around more now than he was before." Brooke almost laughed.

"He is technically but right now all of the problems that we had your dad can't remember them and so it's hard to make them better."

"Why don't you forget too and then you'll both be happy?" Brooke wished it were that easy.

"Your dad didn't choose to forget, so it's not that simple."

"But you forgot some stuff too."

"What did I forget?"

"You forgot that you loved me." Brooke knelt down beside her and forced Emily to look at her properly.

"I never forgot that."

"It feels like you have. You were never here either and you love Connor the most. Lauren hates me. Daddy is all I have and you won't let him come home." Brooke was stunned, she never realised just how badly her actions had affected her children, she was supposed to cherish them and protect them and instead she was becoming more like her own parents than she could have imagined.

"Emily I loved you from the second you were born and that will never change and I love all three just the same. Your brother and sister love you too and I don't want you thinking that you're not part of this family because you are. I know Lauren and Connor have had a special bond for a long time but it doesn't mean they don't love you. I baby your brother a little too much but it doesn't mean I love him more. I thought you just enjoyed being your daddy's girl."

"The day dad had his accident, you took me shopping. Why?" To soften the blow that we were getting a divorce, so you all had a good day before we ruined your childhoods.

"To have fun."

"You stopped doing that a long time ago." Of course Emily was right Brooke had stopped doing that a long time ago. When Emily was little Brooke loved dressing her in cute little outfits, waiting for the door she followed her sisters footsteps and became a tomboy dressed in baggy jeans and scruffy t-shirts, but it didn't happen. Even now with no real input from Brooke Emily looked an adorable and stylish little girl. She couldn't pinpoint when exactly it was that she'd stopped going shopping with her, maybe it was when Lucas started taking more trips because she couldn't shop with Emily when there was Lauren and Connor. Or maybe it was when she started expanding her own business. Either way for both she and Lucas work had taken over their family and it was unforgivable of them to have let it. Whether Lucas remembered or not whether her marriage survived or not she had to change, she had to remember that she was a survivor and that she needed to find the thing she'd lost, the person she'd lost. That person had been a good mother and she desperately wanted to be that again.


	11. Baseball and Basketball

**Thanks for the reviews, I've really found my motivation with this one again so expect regular updates again.**

**I'll admit I know nothing about the baseball or basketball rules, regulations, seasons or pretty much anything being as neither are really played in England so I apologise if it's not accurate but this is the way it goes in my fic.**

**Connor**

"You'll use up all your energy before you get there bouncing around like that baby boy." I wanted to tell her that I wasn't a baby anymore, today was my very first game playing little league. My dad was taking me! Sometimes when my dad isn't off on his book tour he plays basketball with me at the River Court, or here. But mostly he's too busy. But this is different, Lauren was right this dad is much better. He took me to try outs for little league and the coach said I was real good. And now I'm waiting for him to come get me for my first game.

"I've lots of energy mom." She smiles at me and I smile back because lately it seems like both my mom and dad are acting like they used to, well I think anyway I can't remember but I think they must be because everyone seems happier. Dad seems happy spending time with me, and mom seems happy spending time with Emily. Lauren spends less time here than she ever has before and it makes me sad. But she did tell me she saw dad a couple of weeks ago and that they talked, really talked. That he actually seemed interested in her, she won't admit it but I could tell it made her happy. Mom keeps asking to do things with her but she always says she's busy. Mom and Emily have gone shopping together the last two Saturdays for the whole day, and that's when dad takes me to little league practice, only today it's not practice today it's the game!

When there's a knock at the door and I tell mom I need the toilet and run before she can answer just because then I know she has to open the door. When I get back I hear her talking and she sounds happy and I get excited until I hear that it's Uncle Nathan that she's talking to. He sees my sad face and grins at me.

"I hope you don't mind me tagging along sport, but Aunt Haley is busy today." Aunt Haley has been driving me and dad to the ball park because dad still can't drive. "I figured that instead of just taking you guys I'd sit with your dad and watch you play." I start to smile again because he said he'd sit with dad, so maybe that means he's still coming and he hasn't found something better to do sending Uncle Nathan instead. "Come on then sport your dad is waiting in the car." I smile big then because my dad hasn't let me down, I start to think that maybe this version of my dad would never let me down like the other one did all the time. I grab my bag and race towards the door, my mom kisses me on the head as I rush past her and calls good luck to me. Uncle Nathan follows behind me, he puts a hand on my arm to stop me running to his car.

"What Uncle Nathan?" He grins at me.

"You know how your dad still struggles to get around right sport?" I nod. "I just wanted you to understand why I'm taking you to the game, and why I came to the door to get you and not your dad." I smile at him to let him know I get it even though I'm disappointed that my mom and dad didn't have to see each other like I wanted. "I know you like spending time with your dad but he just needs a helping hand sometimes to get around Connor, besides it's my favourite nephew's first big game so I wanted to watch too."

"I know Uncle Nathan, and I'm glad you're here too. I like my dad better this way." Uncle Nathan smiles at me and it seems kind of sad.

"I know you do sport." Then he lets me go and I run off and open the car door climbing over the back seat.

"Hey buddy, you ready for the game?"

"Yeah dad I can't wait."

* * *

Dad is taking me for ice cream to celebrate, the team lost by one but I scored three home runs and coach says that's real good. I could hear my dad cheering for me and it makes it better. For me it doesn't matter how well I played or how the team did, today was a good day because it was our day. Dad says that when he's better we can go to the batting cages together. I told him that I'd be happy playing basketball with him when he's better because I know he likes basketball the best and that I like it too. I just need my mom to see how great dad is now and then we can be a real family for the first time in my life.

Uncle Nathan left us after we went to get ice cream because he said he'd go to the store for Aunt Haley. He said he'd come get dad later because dad still struggles to get around.

"How long will it be before you don't need the crutches no more dad?" He grins at me.

"It's anymore buddy, don't need the crutches anymore. And no one is completely sure how long it will be. Because I was in the coma while my bones healed I didn't get chance to start using them like other people do, which is why I'm still using crutches. But the physiotherapist said that I'm progressing well. She said next time I see her she'll have a cane ready for me. Which means I get rid of these two things and will have just the one cane to help me get around." Sometimes I forget it was more than a coma that kept in hospital for so long, but I think that's probably because mom wouldn't let me see him when he was real bad.

"Does it still hurt dad?"

"My arm doesn't hurt anymore and my chest doesn't, in fact if the doctors hadn't told me about breaking a few ribs I wouldn't have known. My arm twinged a little at first when I was using the crutches but that stopped after a few days. My leg aches sometimes and the break in my pelvis was apparently pretty bad, that still hurts when I'm sitting down sometimes. But it's all getting better now." It's strange hearing about all this, especially because in some ways we've been through this already. Grandpa still uses a walking stick even now. Mom said he might have it for the rest of his life.

"Will you always have a stick like grandpa?"

"It's different Connor, one day I'll be able to walk and run like I used to because what happened to me was different to what happened to your grandpa. But from what your Aunt Haley tells me your grandpa has made a lot of progress, more than the doctors thought he would at first." Thinking about the accident and how bad my dad was hurt and my grandpa makes me sad and this was supposed to be a happy day.

"Can we go to the arcade dad?" He grins at me and nods, I turn round ready to race off down the pier to the arcade but then I remember he can't go as fast as me so I settle for walking next to him because honestly it's not even about what we do. I just like that we're doing something together.

* * *

**Lauren**

This was it, my senior year of high school. Less than a year and I'd be able to disappear from Tree Hill. Forget my family and move on. It's what I've wanted for a long time now. Only it just doesn't seem quite so easy. It's been almost four weeks now and I still think about that day at the River Court with my dad. He came to find me to talk about my mother. He put himself out there and attempted something we both knew he wasn't capable of doing because getting answers from me about her meant that much to him. And then when I caved and gave him those five questions he totally threw me by making it all about me. Even when I called him on it he still didn't ask what he really came to know. I hate the way that makes me feel and I hate that I went all weak on him and told him the answer to that last question even though he didn't deserve it. The way he's been with Connor has been out of this world and my kind of shy baby brother has never smiled as much as he does when he gets home from trips out with dad. Mom's making some huge effort with Emily too, both of them are doing the quality time with kids routine. Mom is even making sure she's always home for dinner too. And twice a week Emily and Connor go out with dad for dinner too. It's actual almost nice for me to see. I don't want to be part of it but I know it's good for them. I'm past quality time with the parental and past family dinners but I like that there's still hope for my brother and sister. Well maybe for her too. The less time I spend there the less I hate her which is weird because she is getting more from my parents than I have had for a long time which used to drive me crazy and now it doesn't. Maybe I should be sad, maybe it means I'm past caring what they all do.

I look at the group of my friends as I walk over to them. Izzy's parents are the closest in age to mine and they're about seven years older than my mom and dad. No one's parents that I know are still in their mid thirties, they're all at least early forties or older. All of them seem to have their lives together a lot more than my parents do. Izzy has been my best friend for years, despite the fact she's a cheerleader. She's blonde and bubbly and I've always figured she's probably how my mom was in high school – before she had me. Well except for the fact she's been dating Tom pretty much since pre-school. The reason I love my friends is because despite the fact we may each fit some kind of stereotype we somehow don't fit any of them. Tom is the high school nerd. He's captain of the debate team, the science club and the mathletes. Admittedly he swopped his hideous glasses for contacts a few years ago but he's not the best looking guy in the world. Then again I suppose that depends on your type. He's not a pretty boy and he's not got the body of a pin up, probably because he spends more time cooking up experiments or studying than he does playing sports. He's kind and his face reflects that. A billion years ago we were friends before any of this high school clique stuff enough existed for us and it's stayed that way which is nice. That's how the head cheerleader is dating the biggest geek in school.

Tom's cousin is the person you'd think would be with the head cheerleader, or at least one of the prime suspects. Jason is the quarterback of the football team. He is exactly the way you'd picture a quarterback, he's also the reason that despite the fact Tom is the biggest nerd in the history of Tree Hill High he has never once suffered any of the usual crap someone like him would. Jason has had Tom's back forever, once upon a time they actually used to play football together. The fact Jason hangs out with this bunch of misfits and losers despite the rest of the jocks all hanging together makes him just that bit different from the stereotype of a quarterback. Jason dates almost any pretty girl that he comes across, but we all know that really he wants to be with Livvy. Livvy is literally the most beautiful girl you'd ever see in your life, and she's also one of the smartest and funniest. Her biggest glory is she's an amazing dancer. She's also a fraternal twin. And her twin brother just happens to have been my best friend for years, and my boyfriend for a few months now. Ky the skater boy. They're all stood by my locker and so they're obviously waiting for me to arrive. Izzy spots me first and comes running over. She envelopes me in a hug even though she knows I don't do the girly hugging as a greeting thing. She lets go and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"I just heard the news I'm really sorry Lauren." I furrow my eyebrows entirely confused, it's not like we've not discussed the accident over the summer, all my friends know exactly what's going on. It's nothing new so I'm confused by her reaction.

"You don't know." Ky knows me better than anyone and it's him that voices his opinion, and then I start to worry.

"Know what?" My friends all look at each other awkwardly and Ky steps forward and takes my hand.

"They took on a new coach for the girls' basketball team." I don't really see how this affects me in the slightest, only then before he can finish I see a familiar face out the corner of my eye and suddenly my friend's worry and his face fit together I see the bigger picture. I wrench my hand from Ky's and storm over to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I know I'm providing valuable gossip for half the student body but it doesn't seem to matter right now.

"I'm the new coach." I glare at him because at this point it's stating the obvious.

"You're a novelist not a coach."

"I'm as a qualified for the job as your Uncle Nathan is for the boys' team." I fume silently for a second because I know that on that count he's right.

"Not the point, you have a job."

"I decided not to write anymore." His revelation absolutely stuns me because as far as I know writing was the only thing my dad has ever wanted to do.

"Why not?" He shrugs a little which is a very strange gesture from a man that is stood only by support of crutches.

"Writing got me into a terrible mess Lauren, it was time to walk away. I need a job that doesn't take me away from you all the time."

"This won't change anything, even when you were around you never bothered with us." I see the pain my words cause him and I feel a small knot of guilt in the pit of my stomach.

"You said you'd try playing basketball if the opportunity was there, see if you liked it. Well there's the signup sheet." I laughed then.

"You're kidding right, you're doing this to get me to play basketball." I was completely incredulous as his motives for joining the faculty at Tree Hill High dawned on me.

"I think you'd enjoy doing it Lauren and if I get to spend some time with you while we both do something we love, a game we love then what's wrong with that?" I roll my eyes at him.

"You do realise that because you're the coach the last place on earth I'll be come 3pm Thursday is in the gym." With that I turn and walk away from him, I continue on past my friends because as much as I love them none of them really know exactly what my home life is like. It doesn't take more than ten seconds for me to feel Ky grabbing my hand and he falls into step beside me. He's the only person in this world that I tell my secrets to.

"Where are we heading?" The truth is I've no idea, we just passed the edge of the quad and now we're covering the tarmac of the parking lot, school is getting smaller and it feels like that's what supposed to be happening this year. School becomes small and unimportant because suddenly it's about facing the real world.

"You ever wish you could just walk until you couldn't walk anymore and wherever you ended up could be your home?" He stops then and makes me look at him. He's the only person I know who looks at me like he really loves me and it makes my heart ache in a good way.

"Come graduation if you still wish it that's what we'll do." I smile at him because I know he's telling me the truth. I know he'd walk away from his entire life to come with me because he wants me to be happy.

"I love you." The words seem totally inadequate because what I really mean is that he completes me and he rescues me and he makes me feel like not everything in my life here is easy to walk away from. He smiles back, leans forward and kisses me.

"I love you too." He starts walking again then and this time it's me that's almost following him. I know what he's doing, what he always does. He's waiting me out, he waits for me to break and tell him what I'm thinking. And he always does it because I always do.

"He actually thinks that I'll try out for the team even though he's the coach." I love that Ky knows me well enough to know I'll talk to him if he waits long enough.

"Maybe he thinks you'll try out for the despite the fact he's the coach." Even though I'd never say it I love Ky because he says the things no one else would. That even though it usually makes me mad and causes us to fight – I usually come running right back – he says the things that I don't want to hear but often need to.

"Why would he think that?"

"Basketball is in your blood, watch you with a ball in your hands for longer than a minute and it's easy to see that you love it. I remember you telling me in sophomore year that if you didn't have your brother and sister to take care of after school you'd try out for girls' basketball." I pull a face because he's right and I did say that. And I do love basketball. I resent that I love it though because I only started to play when he came into my life and I'd hate to think that I love it because it's something we shared.

"He'll think it changes things with us if I go."

"Show him that it doesn't. Show him that he's your coach and nothing else just like the other girls on the team. Or maybe you could stop running away from him long enough to see that this is the same guy who played ball with you when you were eleven and not the guy who missed the last couple of years of your life." Ky says my eyes flash green when I'm angry, which I always found funny because my dad doesn't get angry and I have his blue eyes, but my mom does get angry and her eyes are hazel, which technically means they're green and brown.

"It's not the guy he is now I'm worried about – it's the guy he's going to be when this amnesia thing is over." And that is the real problem. It's the reason that I can encourage Connor to believe this version of our dad is better than before the accident, it's the reason I believe it myself. But it's the reason I won't let myself spend time with him or let myself give into him. the truth is I like this version of my dad, I love this version of my dad the problem is I keep thinking that I'll just get used to him being this way and then he'll remember the person he is now and stop being my dad and start being that stranger again. And my heart can't take losing him again.


	12. Game of Life

**Thanks for the reviews. I apologise for the slow updating.**

**Lucas**

"Hey Coach Scott." It took Lucas a minute to realise that someone wanted him, in his mind it was still his brother that was 'Coach Scott'. He turned round and saw a boy walking towards him, he looked nervous and Lucas tried placing his face. Given that he was the girls' coach Lucas was a little unsure as to why this boy seemed to want him. His face seemed familiar and Lucas wondered if this was someone he knew before the accident, then he realised that this was the boy who had chased after Lauren after their confrontation three days previously.

"Yes?" The boy looked around him and shifted awkwardly.

"I'm Ky." This was his baby girl's boyfriend. His first instinct was to launch into a lecture/threat about what would happen if he hurt Lauren, but he supposed he was in no position to do so. "I wanted to talk to you about Lauren." Lucas then understood why he looked so nervous and so awkward, he obviously didn't have Lauren's permission to be discussing her, if he'd even told Lauren at all.

"Go on."

"I know she said she wouldn't be there today for tryouts but...she wants to be. She loves basketball and she would love the chance to do this. She'd probably even like spending time with you but she won't admit it. The thing is – and she'd kill me if she knew I was telling you this – she won't come because she's just waiting for you to remember and then go back to your real life." Lucas' brow creased in confusion until he realised what was meant by his real life. He wondered if that's what everyone was waiting for, for him to remember everything and disappear off into his own world consisting of little more than his life as an author.

"Until I remember I can't prove to her I wouldn't do that. So how do I get her here?" The boy shrugged.

"I don't have answers for you, you get to choose what you do with what I've told you. But let's be clear on something if there is a chance you'd do that to her don't bother trying with her. But if you really won't hurt her again then she needs this, even if she won't admit it. Which is the only reason I'm saying anything to you." With those final words the boy turned and hurried away leaving Lucas watching the sea of students filling the path Ky had just walked through. Lucas realised he was out of his league, everyone knew this other him. And he had no clue about the guy other than by all accounts he was a major douche who hurt his kids and destroyed his marriage, well maybe that last one was a two person job but still. He knew he wouldn't get answers from his own memory and so needed someone else's. He started to force himself to walk to the only place he thought he might get answers. He was just getting used to the cane he'd had just two days and it was a big adjustment for him. He told himself that even though it was making life harder having just the one aid, it was a sign he was improving. He walked into the gym and watched the scene in front of him.

"Hey big brother, here to see how a real coach does it before your tryouts later?" He grinned and walked closer to Nathan. Truth be told being a basketball coach wasn't ever something he'd thought about doing. It had become Nathan's dream after his chances of reaching the NBA had been shot by injury. Lucas' dream had to become an author, which he'd achieved but at what cost? Nathan seemed happy with his life, Haley happy with hers both giving up their big dream and settling for a life that some may seem as a compromise but something Lucas knew made both incredibly happy.

"I actually needed some advice." Nathan turned back to the court.

"Carson, run drills." A boy half turned towards him.

"Sure thing coach." Nathan walked to meet Lucas a short distance away from the practising boys.

"What's up Luke?" Lucas pulled a face, the full and frank answer to that was how had his life become such a mess when he'd had such a promising start.

"You're pretty close with my kids right?"

"I used to be, but closer than you I guess." Lucas nearly bit out that just about everyone in Tree Hill was closer to his kids than he was.

"This Ky kid that Lauren's dating, he just told me that she really wants to tryout but won't because of me. He said she thinks that when I get my memories back I'll go back to how I was."

"She's not exactly got reason to think you won't. I know you don't see how you became this guy because you love your family above everything else, but something did happen Luke. I don't know what but it's only natural that she's afraid you'll remember that thing and it'll happen again." Put like that of course Lauren was scared about opening up to him.

"Do they all feel like that?" Nathan shrugged.

"Maybe Luke, Connor does but can't explain it. You know Brooke, she's just waiting for it. Emily despite everything has always worshipped you regardless of the kind of dad you were." The problem Lucas had was that Brooke said it was small things that led to the breakdown of their marriage, if that were the case then why did everyone focus on six years ago, and why did Nathan and Lauren both seem sure that one thing changed him and the memory of it would change him again. This was exactly why Lucas had gone to find Lauren, but instead of asking her questions about how they'd ended up in such a mess he'd asked questions about her. He didn't regret it, he didn't know whether he'd ever get his memory back and he needed and wanted to know his daughter. If he was honest apart from the fact he'd be able to understand this situation he wasn't sure if he wanted his memory back. He didn't want to remember hurting his children or Brooke.

"I'm divorcing her, did you know that?" From the shocked expression on the brunette man's face Lucas was sure that he hadn't confided in his brother. The memories he did have showed two men that finally became brothers, he didn't know if he'd destroyed that relationship too but he assumed if he had hurt it that it wasn't damaged as badly as the others. But then again there wasn't as much invested in that relationship.

"I knew things were bad Luke but I had no idea they were that bad." Luke knew that probably wasn't entirely accurate if what he'd been told about the regular fights he and Brooke had were true. He wasn't about to admit what Brooke had told him about the adultery because he didn't want anyone to know, for both their sakes.

"It's why Brooke didn't want to see me, she didn't want me to remember and thought I would when I saw her. The crazy thing is when I talked to her she said that since the accident she'd been remembering all the good times and not the bad. She still loves me I could tell. But she won't give me answers about how we got here. Something happened Nathan I'm sure of it, something big but all she says was it just little things that added up. That's not how you and Lauren see it though is it?" Nathan pulled a face and Lucas could tell from it that he felt very uncomfortable.

"Small things are important to Brooke, you know that."

"But?"

"But there were a few fights about the girls before Connor was born, when Connor was about a year old you were on a book tour I think and Brooke was acting really strange. When you got back, if I had to pinpoint when you guys went from niggling fights to full blown warfare I'd say it was then. She was very angry a lot of the time and you stuck it out for a while but then you worked harder. Whatever happened, if something happened I'd say it happened then, she became obsessed with work over family which isn't Brooke. You found it a lot easier to agree to flying to New York for meetings with your editor and promotional work than you ever had before." Lucas felt as lost now as he had before.

"Do you think she's holding something back Nathan?"

"I don't know, probably. Lucas she's Brooke and if I had to guess I'd say that whatever happened I don't think she's avoiding telling you because she's deliberately trying to frustrate you and keep you in the dark, knowing her like I do I just think that she thinks it's better left forgotten."

"Easy for her to say, if she woke up and her life had turned to crap and she couldn't remember why there's nothing on earth would stop her finding out the truth." Nathan chuckled at Lucas' impassioned words. They were both well aware Brooke would demand answers and be as difficult as possible until someone was forthcoming.

* * *

"Lauren wait up." He tried to hurry after his daughter, which was difficult given his current situation. He did think there was a stronger chance she'd quicken her pace rather than slow it. He was pleasantly surprised that despite the scowl on her face she paused in the hall.

"Yes Coach Scott." Her words were said mildly it was the realisation she'd stopped for him merely because he was faculty and she had no real choice that hurt.

"I have a proposition for you." She shook her head.

"If it's about basketball I don't want to hear it."

"It is, but just hear me out first." She sighed but didn't leave so he continued. "Try out for the team because I know you want to play and you've such talent. I promise that I won't use this as an opportunity to try and build bridges with you because I know you don't trust me – I don't blame you for that. I will treat you in exactly the same way I would any other person on the team."

"You assume I'll make it onto the team, you've not seen the girls who were the team before the coach left." He chuckled.

"You're a Scott Lauren. Excellence at basketball runs through the genes."

"Providing my sanity doesn't return before tryouts I'll be there. But you deviate from your promise then I'm gone. Understood?" He nodded and watched as she stalked away.

"So how are you planning on getting round that one then big brother?" Lucas turned awkwardly to see Nathan coming from the classroom just beside him. Lucas grinned.

"How did Whitey treat his players?" Nathan frowned.

"Like basketball players." Lucas shook his head.

"He was a father figure to each and every guy if we needed him to be. So I'm just going to be a coach like he was, and when I think Lauren's ready to take a step further then I just keep it within the range of how coach was with us, so I can do it with the rest of the team. I don't break my promise that way."

"And when it goes further than what you can do with the rest of the team."

"It won't, not until she tells me I can, or shows me. I have until she graduates to make her want a relationship with me or she's lost to me for good. This is the only way I can think of that guarantees we'll spend time together."

"Good luck Luke."

* * *

**Brooke**

Brooke looked up at the clock and wondered where exactly her eldest daughter was. It was approaching dinner time and she'd told Lauren that she had to start being home for dinner. Brooke had decided that it was time for her to take control of her family again, which meant being home more, spending more time with the children together and individually and having family dinners. So far so good with being home more, and being with Connor and Emily more. Both seemed delighted at the change in her but with Lauren it was such a struggle. The truth was they didn't really share any interests and Brooke was finding it difficult to find common ground. Aside from anything else Lauren was just as determined to keep her distance as Brooke was to close it. The front door slammed and Brooke called out to her daughter.

"I didn't think you'd be here in time for dinner. Where have you been?" Brooke knew Lauren resented being questioned over what she did with her time, too long had she been allowed to go where she wanted and do what she wanted without question, so long as she was around when Brooke needed a babysitter for the younger children. Lauren had been treated in many ways as an adult, and Brooke needed her to remember that she was still a child and she was still answerable to her parents.

"At school." Brooke turned from stirring the pasta sauce to look at her daughter. She raised an eyebrow.

"Little late to be at school isn't it?" Lauren flung herself down at a chair at the table and played with the hem of her shirt.

"I was trying out for the basketball team." Brooke was stunned. Haley had told her Lucas had taken the job of girls basketball coach at the high school, she'd not understood his motivation but she certainly hadn't thought Lauren would try out.

"Is that to spend more time with your dad?" Brooke hated the fact she felt jealous of the potential answer. That Lauren might be doing this to be around Lucas while still putting so much effort into avoiding her. However Lauren snorted her contempt at the idea.

"I love the game and I wanted to play for the team before but I always had to look after Connor and Emily. The fact he's coach was why I wasn't going to bother trying out at all. But he promised he'd treat me the same as everyone else so I figured I might as well see if I am good." Brooke smiled at her.

"Of course you are, being great at basketball is in your genes. You are a Scott." Lauren looked vaguely amused by her statement.

"You do realise dad said the same thing, almost the same words and everything." Brooke turned back to her stove disconcerted by Lauren's words. It was such an easy thing to say, because it was true, basketball ran through the Scotts. It was an obvious thing to say and yet that justification didn't help when she considered the fact she and Lucas had said the same thing.

"So how did it go?"

"Most of the girls who tried out were on the team last year, or on the JV team. I'm not sure they took too kindly to me being there. One girl made it clear that if I got on 'her' team it was because my dad was the coach and I should watch my back. But it's nothing I can't handle, fact is she was being a bitch because I'm good. I was taught by the best though right." Brooke was a little surprised to hear her describe Lucas as the best.

"Well your dad always was a good player, whether it was on the River Court or with the high school team."

"Uncle Nate taught me." Brooke turned back to her daughter.

"He did Lauren but your dad started teaching you before everything got hard it was you and your dad out on that court come rain or sunshine. You were always at him with that ball begging him to take you. Uncle Nathan only took over that role when your dad started spending more time away, after Connor was born." Brooke frowned thinking over Lauren's perception of things. "Lauren do you only remember the things we did wrong? Can you remember before when we were happy?"

"Of course I do!" Brooke felt like pushing Lauren would be a mistake and yet couldn't stop.

"Tell me something good you remember?" She felt the hatred burning in Lauren's eyes. She saw the struggle in her daughter's face to remember something good about her parents such was the focus on their failings.

"I remember the hospital. It was the first time you were nice to each other and we felt like a family. Every time I was sick after that you'd both be there. Even after Emily was born when I was sick it felt like I was the only person in the world for either of you." Brooke smiled softly at her.

"I don't know how I'd have ever gotten through you being so sick if it wasn't for your dad. He was the rock I needed."

"You know you're as guilty as I am mom." Brooke sent Lauren a questioning look. "You only ever seem to remember the bad times too."

"Not since the accident. I seem very focussed on remembering the good times, the things I love about him."

"You said love, not loved. Present tense not past." Brooke didn't really feel like examining her use of tenses so decided to steer Lauren in a different direction.

"You really think you can handle this girl when you make the team." Lauren grinned at her and Brooke felt a glimmer of hope for them both.

"You said when not if."

"You're overly focussed on my grammar."

"Maybe I'm smarter than we all thought."

"Who said I didn't think you were smart, grades aren't everything."

"I think once I prove I can play then she'll eat her words and until then I can look after myself." Brooke smiled.

"You know that's exactly how it was for your dad when it was Uncle Nathan's team."

"I'm going to go get washed up for dinner." With that Lauren was gone and so was their moment. Clearly her daughter didn't want to be reminded of any similarities between herself and her father. But then again Brooke had dodged the conversation when Lauren pointed out the fact they'd said the same thing about Lauren's basketball skills. In many ways it felt like their history was repeating itself. Lauren was joining a team that had reservations about her place there and it meant Brooke would be forced into a gym that held all kinds of memories for her, and that housed a man she was unsure whether she really wanted to see or not. If Karen felt the sort of trepidation that she was feeling now about this turn of events that she wondered how she managed to quell the worry she felt.

* * *

She knocked on the door and waiting for a response, hearing one she went in and her suspicions were confirmed. Lauren was locked away in her own world, music blasting away through her headphones. She knew she should make her presence known and yet wanted to take this opportunity to see what her daughter did. She watched her daughter's hand fly across the page, long strokes and Brooke edged closer to see what she was doing. She almost laughed. Lauren was sketching a car, the engine was done separately in great detail.

"Was there something you wanted or were you just attempting to spy on me?" Brooke jumped at the sound of Lauren's voice. Her daughter removed one bud from her ear but didn't turn away from her sketch.

"What are you drawing a car for?" She saw the rise and fall of Lauren's shoulders signalling a shrug.

"What else should I sketch? Clothes?" Brooke chose to ignore the contempt in Lauren's voice at the idea she sketch clothing designs. "It helps me when there's an engine problem I can't work out to draw it and see how it all fits together. I do other stuff too. Mostly basketball sketches, so I can see how the body should be positioned to get it right and then I can work from it when I play."

"That seems a pretty creative way of solving your problems."

"Shame I can't sketch our family and solve our problems. So what did you want?"

"Your brother and sister and I are about to play a few board games. I wondered if you wanted to come and join us."

"I'm a little old for that kind of thing." Brooke nodded and walked to the door.

"You can always change your mind later honey." Brooke left Lauren in her own world and went downstairs to her younger children, the stack of games beside them made Brooke think they'd be there for days playing games, but she smiled. There were squabbles between the younger two over which game and Lauren wouldn't join them. Her husband was staying across town. Their family was fragmented and life was far from perfect but something so normal brought her such immense pleasure.

"I want to play Ludo mom."

"I want to play Snakes and Ladders mommy." She smiled at her baby boy, always attempted to show how grown up he was and refusing to call her mommy anymore – until he wanted something.

"We can play both, we'll flip a coin to see which game we play first."

"And if I wanted to play Game of Life?" Brooke turned to the source of the voice, locating Lauren halfway up the stairs.

"If you wanted to play Life then I would hope you were old enough to let us play the games your younger brother and sister wanted to play first and then play Life after." Lauren took a step down.

"I kick ass at Snakes and Ladders so be warned." Brooke smiled and decided not to bother berating Lauren for saying kick ass. She didn't want to alienate her sullen daughter. As Lauren settled herself between her brother and sister round the coffee table opposite Brooke, she caught her daughter's eye and smiled softly at her, so very grateful that she'd come to join in. The look in Lauren's eye caught her off guard and she looked away. It was a knowing look, a look that spoke volumes, it told Brooke that Lauren did remember happy times, she remembered when it used to be just three Scotts that settled down to play a board game on an evening. That it used to be Brooke that issued the joking warning that she was master of Snakes and Ladders and Lucas that always seemed to win despite that, it all seemed crazy considering it was a game of chance. They'd been so happy then. Brooke shook her memories away as another squabble broke out about who would get to go first. "Keep it down you two, I say we let mom go first then there's nothing to fight over." Brooke grinned at her suddenly diplomatic eldest and began an intense game of Snakes and Ladders.

Lauren's second roll had her counter land on the square with the longest ladder shooting her up to the top of the board leaving the rest of the family all on less than twenty. Brooke, Connor and Emily all seemed to make slow but steady progress as Lauren's counter slipped closer to the finish, however she seemed to keep getting to square 85 and hitting the snake there that took her back to 62. Brooke groaned in frustration as she rolled yet another three, her third in a row. It was intensely frustrating as it took her three paces forward onto a snake which took her three paces back. Connor giggled at her groan and shook the dice for his turn. Brooke watched the way Lauren affectionately ruffled his hair as he hit a ladder that took him three places ahead of her and into the lead. She saw the flash of envy in Emily's eyes and reached out to rest a hand on her younger daughter's.

Lauren and Emily took their turns and then it was Brooke again, she rolled a one which might not have been the greatest step forward but she was just thankful she hadn't gotten another three, by the time her next turn came around she rolled again and even she had to join her children's laughter when she saw she had gotten a two this time round, landing her on the wretched snake once more. Connor rolled a three and landed on the snake that was getting the better of his sister, Lauren then rolled a five which finally got her past the snake that had tormented her, only for her to land on the longest snake that slid her right back down to eighteen. Emily rolled and hit a short ladder taking her to a row two higher than she was, fast catching her brother up. Brooke rolled a six finally free and clear of the snake but miles behind her younger children. Lauren must have been the luckiest of them all for she got another ladder taking her up to just behind Emily, leaving Brooke trailed them all once again.

Lauren had gotten herself into the lead again, Connor was still second, Brooke had managed to get third and all three were spread over the top row of the board competing for who would roll the dice and reach the finish. Emily rolled for her turn and got a four, which landed her on eighty. And it landed her on a two storey ladder which won her the game as it climbed her to one hundred. Brooke cheered her daughter and delighted in her smile. The game continued as Connor came second, Lauren third and Brooke last.

"You played good Emily, thought you'd lost completely at one point." It was the only thing Lauren had said directly to her sister during the entire game, but it was enough for Brooke to feel like progress was being made in their family.

"Thanks, I guess since I won the game Connor wanted to play I don't mind playing your game before mine – if you want." Brooke watched the exchange keenly suddenly aware of something she'd never noticed before, she'd always assumed that given their prickly attitudes towards one another that the contempt Lauren felt for Emily was mutual, but Brooke saw then that it wasn't the case. Emily wanted Lauren's approval and love like Connor had, she hid her feelings behind supposed contempt because that's how Lauren treated her. Her family seemed to have so many layers of problems that it was hard to figure out how to fix them.

"It's cool, I can wait. Thanks for the offer though." Brooke knew it would have meant more to Emily if Lauren had accepted, but the fact she'd refused so politely was a step forward. Brooke realised then that the only thing she could really ask of any of them right now was to try, and they were all doing that. She felt a prick of guilt that perhaps she was the one who wasn't trying as hard as they were. Because despite the way she poured effort into being a better mother she could think of one person she was still disappointing.


	13. Da Vinci's

**I apologise for the poor updating of my fics during the past year, following a difficult time for my family my grandmother passed away on December 21st and for this reason I shall be putting Starting Over on hiatus as I'm not able to continue writing about Brooke's grief process at this time. This is also why there have been no updates to Broken or Are You Happy Now? as I have not been in the right frame of mind to write. I am beginning to think of my fics now and hope that I will begin writing again soon. Thanks to those of you who are sticking with me despite the poor updating.**

**Connor**

The day my dad pulls up outside my house to take me to my baseball game and there's no one else in the car I call my mom immediately to stay beside me at the window, of course Emily comes running too at my frantic shouts. Even Lauren comes hesitantly towards us gathered round the window watching as for the first time we all see my dad walk to the house to collect me with no help at all. I wonder if it's weird that even though he's the dad and I'm the kid I feel really proud of him. I can't see him running a marathon anytime soon and he reminds me a little of Bambi when he learnt to walk but it's still awesome that he's done so well in such a short space of time.

"I guess he was telling me the truth when he said you can do anything you set your mind to." Lauren narrows her eyes as she watches him and speaks and then she disappears as though she doesn't really want him to know she actually cares. But that's okay because I know deep down she does and even if she's taking longer than I am to get used to dad being like he is since the accident I know she will. Even though the accident was scary and what happened to dad was even worse I sometimes think maybe it was a good thing because it changed everything for the better. It changed my dad for the better and my mom too. Emily starts to go answer the door but I grab her hand and make her stay. She looks at me funny and I stare at her trying to get her to understand that mom is swaying almost like she wants to answer the door and talk to him but another part of her is scared or something. For the first time ever she actually seems like she understands me because when dad knocks she doesn't answer and instead mom goes to answer the door.

"Hi Luke." Her voice is all soft and quiet when she says his name and his eyes light up when he sees her.

"Hi." They both just stand there and it's funny to watch them because they don't seem like parents but like kids who are just as lost as each other and I wonder if maybe that's what happens when you love someone.

"I'm so happy for you Lucas." She does that swaying thing again when she speaks to him and I think maybe she wants to hug him because she sways forward towards him a little and then stops herself like she's being pushed back.

"Thank you. I can be really stubborn and determined when I really want something, but I think you already know that." Even though I'm still just a kid I know he means more than his walking when he says that just from the tone of his voice and the way he looks at her. It's really intense and she looks at him just the same.

"Yeah I guess I do." She does that breathy voice again when she speaks and it almost feels like Emily and me are intruding on something that should be just between the two of them. I don't want to remind them that I'll be late for the game if we don't go because I feel like maybe if we keep quiet long enough something good will happen between them and it's way more important to me than a baseball game.

"One goal achieved Brooke, I won't stop until I achieve the other two."

"And what are those?"

"To be as good as father to our children as Keith was to me." She nods along with him and I want to tell him he already is. That since the accident he's been everything I wanted in a dad, well except for the fact he doesn't live with us but I know that's more about him and mom than him and us. "And you. You're my goal Brooke."

"Not all goals are achievable Luke." I almost hate her when she says that because she looks more pulled together again and the breathy voice is gone. I know the moment between them has too and I decide then and there that I'm going to come up with my own plan for making things right between them because I won't accept that my mom doesn't love my dad as much as he loves her after what I just saw. All I need to do is find a way of proving it to her.

* * *

**Lauren**

"It is going to be the party of the century, despite new developments with the mother over involvement she will not ruin this night." I grin at my friends. In past times I've had free use of the beach house, I once even heard mom and Uncle Nathan arguing about it saying that's exactly what it was like for him and his dad when he was in high school and look what they used to get up to. Mom always said that he was being crazy because they were young and reckless and I'm not. Which I guess is true, but when it comes down to it I am a teenager and I do have use of a practically deserted beach house pretty much whenever I want. I'm not completely crazy and I don't throw wild parties all the time – mainly because even though I love a good party I think the whole scene would be crazy boring if you did it all the time. But my friends and I probably do things in the beach house our parents wouldn't like us doing. With my mother suddenly becoming a real mother again there was potential worry about how we'd pull one of my few yearly parties off but the fact is I'm not going to let her ruin things by becoming all involved in my life.

"I cannot wait for your birthday party, I can't believe that you get to be the first one to be 18 years old, if you were in London you so go out drinking without a fake i.d."

"Who has a fake i.d.?" Izzy blushes a deep red as she turns and smiles at him.

"Hi Coach Scott." She gives him a small wave as well and I debate whether or not to slap her. It's the first time she's completely embarrassed me when it comes to my parents. Because my mom and dad were so young when they had me by the time we were all pre-teen age and becoming aware of boys my dad was only in his late twenties. It was mortifying that all my friends talked about him being hot like they'd talk about some film star and Izzy was by far the worst. "No one has a fake i.d. I mean I'm sure someone does but none of us. I just mean that in some countries you're legally able to drink alcohol when you're 18, and we were talking about Lauren's birthday is all. Anyway I really should get to class. Bye Lauren, goodbye Coach Scott." Izzy beats a hasty retreat and I silently curse her for deserting me.

"Just five more days and you're eighteen, few more months and you'll practically be an adult." I raise my eyebrows at him because honestly they way things have been the last few years I've been way more adult than most kids my age. "I meant to ask if we were all going to Da Vinci's?" I choke out an amazed laugh and stare at him in disbelief.

"Da Vinci's?" My voice is completely incredulous and I almost miss the hurt puppy look at his face I'm so surprised. "No we are not going to Da Vinci's." Da Vinci's became a tradition around about my 6th birthday. Even though I still had a party in our garden with my friends the whole family would go to Da Vinci's for a meal because it was one of the only times my family got together and my grandma didn't have to cook. I felt so grown up going to da Vinci's when I was a kid because none of the others were allowed to go because there was such an age gap. Hannah came a couple of times before we stopped when she was older but none of the others ever went. "We haven't been to Da Vinci's in forever, or 4 years anyway, well I guess that'd be 5 for you."

"I thought you loved Da Vinci's."

"I did but you missed my 13th birthday at Da Vinci's and it sucked, you were supposed to be home two days before my birthday but you had to stay another day and then your flight was delayed so you missed it. When my next birthday came round you didn't even both trying to fit it into your schedule. You said 'I can't fly across the country for one meal Lauren, you all still go and I'll take you someplace else when I get back next month.' I didn't want another birthday at Da Vinci's with an empty place, by the time you got back you'd forgotten you even promised to do anything with me. And that was that no more Da Vinci's." He stands there processing what I just told him and I shake my head and disappear wanting to put some distance between us before practise after last period.

* * *

**Lucas**

He does nothing but watch her walk away from him because he just has no words he can possibly say. He hates himself for doing that to his precious baby girl even though it was a different him who did it. This Lucas would never ever put anything before his family. And even if he had to fly all night or all day just to get here for his daughter's birthday he would do. He sees a younger version of her in his head waiting for him to arrive back for her birthday and the disappointment on her face when she realises it isn't going to happen. In his mind he conjures up a picture of his family round a table in the restaurant with his place empty and the dejected child they all came to celebrate. As if that wasn't bad enough but to just a year later completely dismiss her birthday as if it doesn't matter is unforgivable and he desperately wishes he knew what made him such a monster.

He marches into the store anger with her as well as himself and he catches sight of the guy who slept with his wife and he wants nothing more than to punch him but the fact is he and Brooke screwed this marriage up and hitting this guy won't change that.

"Where is she?" He sees the other guy's jaw twitch and he wonders if he looks half as furious as he feels because the other man takes a step back.

"Not here so you better go find someone else to fight with." Lucas slams his hand down on the counter and the two customers browsing in the corner of the store jump and look at him.

"Where the hell is my wife?"

"I told you she's not here. I don't know where she is. I'm just her employee." Lucas takes a step closer to the other man.

"You're lying now you stop lying to me or I swear god I will wrap your head off." He hears the bell go signalling the door gets opened and closed and he figures the customers have probably made a very quick exit.

"Lucas Eugene Scott. What the hell gives you the right to come in here to my work, pissed as hell, abusive to my staff, threatening him and scaring away me customers?" He turns round to face her as she stands looking almost as mad as he is right now.

"We need to talk Brooke."

"We've nothing left to say Luke."

"No Brooke there's a lot that needs to be said. Now you're either coming with me to talk or this tool is going to be made to leave and we'll talk here. But make no mistake Brooke I'm getting tired of waiting for my answers." She growls her frustration but he knows she's giving in to him.

"Let's go to the house."

"Brooke are you sure you want to go with him?" Lucas had started towards the door but within a heartbeat was back with his hand tussled in the other man's shirt pulling him to his tip toes.

"I'm her husband douche bag of course she wants to go with me, and you don't you dare presume you know me because you don't have the first clue. Now I would happily grind your face into the floor but don't assume I would ever touch her."

"Let's just go Lucas." He lets go of the now quivering smaller man and stomps over to where Brooke is waiting by the door. The ride back to their house is in silence and though he meant every word of what he said he briefly wonders if Brooke is as concerned he'd hurt her as the douche bag who works for her is. They go inside and he realises it's the first time he's been in this house. It's bigger than the home he remembers and is certainly impressive and tastefully decorated but he doesn't like it like the home he remembers and he wonders why they moved there, whether he agreed because Brooke liked it or maybe it's just another part of the new and definitely not improved him that he can't explain. He doesn't have time to really consider his surroundings because Brooke slings her pursue onto the couch and turns on him.

"Now do you care to tell me what the hell that was about Lucas?"

"Da Vinci's." Her expression is one of disbelief.

"Da Vinci's? What about Da Vinci's?"

"We don't go anymore." She laughs a little and rubs the bridge of her nose. She then tosses her long brunette locks back and he thinks that despite the fact she looks stunning he can see she needs her hair cutting and wonders what happened to his Brooke who always had her hair trimmed regularly.

"All that because we don't go to a restaurant anymore?"

"No Brooke all that anger because of why don't go there anymore. I missed her birthday."

"Yes Lucas you missed her birthday and you ruined her tradition is that what you wanted me to say. Or how about that you missed your mom's birthday, Keith's, your brother and sister, niece and nephew, Nate and Haley's birthdays too. In fact Connor is pretty lucky cos I think he's the only one whose birthday you never missed. Lauren's was the first admittedly but it was just the start. You missed our anniversary too, I mean while Lindsey was still your publisher before she gave it up to be a mom I still got flowers but I figured they were organised by her because the new publisher didn't bother. You missed the party we threw for Nathan and Haley's crystal wedding anniversary. You missed school plays, business dinners, awards. You missed a lot Lucas because you weren't here. I figured you would have realised that before now."

"I'm not angry just because I missed it, I'm angry you won't tell me why and I need to know what happened, not just to us but to me. How did I become the man that would destroy his little girl's birthday because of a job?" He felt the tears welling in his eyes and heard the break in his voice.

"It just happened Lucas, everything changes over time." He shook his head determined not to let her get away from this that easily.

"No Brooke it doesn't just happen. We don't go from two people who love each other more than anything who put our family above it all to what we became. It doesn't just happen something makes it happen."

"Don't push for answers that you don't really want to hear."

"I'm desperate to hear Brooke, I need to know what you know."

"It won't change the past, you have blank slate and you can start over with none of the knowledge or memories that screwed it all up in the first place. I wish I didn't know the things I do. You're making a fantastic start at making it up to the kids just leave it at that."

"I'll never be able to fix it if I don't know broke it in the first place."

* * *

"Come on Lauren faster you can do better than this." He ignored the glare she sent his way and she stepped her pace up. He knew he pushed her a lot harder than the others and in some ways he felt it was wrong. He certainly didn't want to push her too hard like Dan had done with Nathan but the fact was not only did she have to prove herself to the others all of whom he been on the team coached by his predecessor but they'd all played formally before unlike her. And the fact was she had more natural talent than any of the other girls and so she needed the extra push to ensure she not only matched the others but reached her own potential. He might be a lousy father to her but he would be the best coach she could ask for. He had to find a way to make up for what he'd done, at least to her because he knew now there was no making up for his mistakes where Brooke was concerned. He finally saw the truth about why his marriage was over, about why his wife could never and would never love him enough to again risk her heart on him.

"Dad!" He jolted out of his thoughts to find his team still running drills and his daughter stood in front of him. "Space much, we've been doing this forever isn't it about to do something else."

"I love you Lauren and I'm so sorry about everything. I'm sorry I'm such a terrible father to you." She looks completely freaked out by his words and even more so he guesses by the fact he's so close to tears.

"Just focus on the team dad it's what they're paying you for. Come on maybe we should practise lay ups or something or just call it a day if need to I don't know go talk to grandpa or something."

"I never meant to hurt you. I've never loved anything like I love you Lauren you changed my entire world in just one minute and I swore from that second I would never ever miss anything else in your life I wouldn't miss anymore than I already had but I did and I'm so sorry that I broke that promise."

"Dad you're kind of freaking me out. Is this some late to develop side effect from the accident or something because this is really weird."

"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

"Ok – should we get back to practise now?" Lucas nodded feeling like what he'd said hadn't achieved anything. He watched her go back to the others on the court but he felt too detached to even attempt to coach them. Brooke's words from the house earlier haunted him and he didn't foresee a time when they would stop.

"_You did!" He was a little taken aback by the rage in her as she exploded and moved further towards him. "Are you happy now? You know you broke us Lucas. Your selfishness broke this family it broke our marriage and it broke me." He shook his head._

"_No this is just another ploy to get me to stop asking questions."_

"_No it isn't, you just want to accept that this might all be your fault. Well it is."_

"_I love you, all of you I wouldn't have destroyed us without a reason, something had to happen first."_

"_You weren't here that's what happened! You were too busy off promoting a good damn book to be here for me, for us. You wouldn't listen every single time I told you there was a problem you ignored me. Pretended imagining it or exaggerating it making it seem worse than what it was but I wasn't making it worse it was that bad. You just couldn't handle it, didn't want to deal with so left me to put up with it all. Well guess Luke bad plan, crappy strategy you weren't here, and you killed it. It's all you, you killed it."_

"_No Brooke not being here didn't kill our marriage."_

"_No it didn't, but it killed my baby Lucas. You not being here, leaving me to deal with all the shit in this family that's what killed my baby – and that is what killed this marriage."_

"_What baby?"_

"_My baby Lucas, the one only I ever got to know, the one I had inside of me and the one you killed by never being here. I had a miscarriage Lucas and it was all your fault."_


	14. The Scott Children

**Thanks to the people who have reviewed and to those sticking with this fic given the awful length of time between updates. I've exams coming up so it's taking me a while to get updates written, it's also why this one is a short one.**

**Lauren**

"Dad I don't think your attitude the last two weeks is to do with the same sense of terror the rest of us are feeling about our first game so what is it to do with?" I paused before saying the next thing because I felt a kind of dread at hearing the answer. "Mom's been weird too so I just...did you remember something and talk to her about it?" He looks straight at me and slowly shakes his head.

"I haven't remembered anything." He looks really sad but for the first time I'm not sure whether he's sad because he hasn't remembered anything or because of what he might remember. "But your mom has told me something." It was almost like pulling teeth to get the information out of him and for that reason I somehow instinctively knew he wasn't going to tell me what it was mom had told him. Not that it would stop me asking.

"What she say?" He gives me a look.

"Not really something that you need to know. It's between your mom and I."

"I hate to break it to you dad but everything between the two of you always affects all of us." He rolls his eyes at me.

"You're such a smartass." I laugh at him.

"I think we both know where I get that from." We smile together conspiratorially and then I frown.

"What's wrong?" Typical he's suddenly Mr Observant.

"Nothing's wrong it's just that...for a while there it felt normal. Like it was." He nods his head almost sombrely but I can see him trying not to smile. Entirely on impulse I lurch forward and wrap my arms around him for an awkward hug. I can tell it takes him by surprise and I move away before he has chance to put his arms back round me but I think that for each of us, just for now it's enough to recognise that despite all my bluster and BS I do want to build a relationship with him because the truth is there's a part of me that never stopped being that kid who only just got her dad. However it's just too much for me to handle the aftermath of that impulse so I mumble something and then make a dash off out of the gym.

"Lauren." I pause at the doors and turn back to him.

"I'll be okay. Thank you for worrying." I smile hesitantly back and nod before bolting out the door. I bump straight into Ky.

"Hey I was looking for you."

"I was just talking to my dad." He nods and seems to take it totally in his stride that after making such a huge deal of the fact that just because my dad is the coach things wouldn't change at all and I'd still keep my distance that I've taken such a sudden turn and have been talking to him. That's why I love him, because he doesn't make a big deal out of things. He just takes my hand and starts walking with me down the halls heading towards the quad where I know our friends will be sat at the same table as always having lunch.

"Planning on anymore chats with Coach Scott then?" It takes him the best part of five minutes to ask me that and the sly look on my face reminds me of exactly what I hate about him. That he knows me so completely that he could predict that eventually I'd give into my need to talk to him. The need that not once have I verbalised to anyone not even myself. I scowl at him and give him a shove playfully and he grabs me round the waist and begins to tickle me. I squeal and squirm my way of his grasp bolting out the doors into the quad and racing over to our friends. He chases after me and as I circle the table he attempts to grab me, all the while our friends laugh at our antics. When eventually we both give in and collapse down next to our friends I reach across and grab a handful of fries from Izzy's plate.

"It's good seeing you like this." I frown at her confused because honestly Ky and I have always had the tendency to act like immature kids around one another. "I mean like you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders." I shrug.

"It's been a rough few months with the accident but things are normal-ish."

"I didn't mean since the accident." I don't reply to Izzy because I honestly can't think of anything to say. Instead I lean in against Ky and he lazily slings his arms around me. Izzy's words play in my head. I wonder whether it's true whether I do feel better despite the fact that outwardly my family is far worse than ever before. It's strange that when I think about it to the outside world my family seemed near perfect when in actual fact we'd long since fallen apart, but now that outwardly we've fallen to pieces on the inside things actually feel like they're getting better.

* * *

**Connor**

"Go Lauren!" I grin as my mom shouts out encouragement and watch as my sister scores the perfect three pointer. Lauren is absolutely on fire this game and that's saying something considering there's one girl who seems to refuse point blank to pass to her. Despite the obvious problems in the team they are winning. Watching dad screaming from the sidelines is a little weird given I've only even seen Uncle Nathan doing that kind of thing. Uncle Nathan who is sat on the other side of me. My whole family has turned out today to watch Lauren's first game and it's nice because it's been a long time since we were all anywhere, I think maybe the hospital was the last time and that's sure not something I want to think about.

This is the first time my parents have been in the same room since the day we first saw my dad without any walking aids. Admittedly the room is a huge gym and there's an awful lot of people in here separating them and they're both here because of Lauren not each other but I'm almost certain that with the team winning I can convince them to spend time together after the game.

As the final buzzer sounds the cheers of the crowd are deafening. I try to locate my big sister in the mass of people now on the court. I spot her suddenly and almost throw up my popcorn as I see her making out with her boyfriend. As they break apart though I see her run over to dad and I watch her actually hug him. I glance up at my mom and she seems as shocked as I am. Emily looks almost murderous as she spots them both. Ignoring both of them I jump up and force my way through the crowds which is easier than for most other people given that I can get through the gaps between people's legs.

"Lauren!" I shout and she stops talking to dad and turns round to find me. She opens her arms wide and I think my face is going to split in two from my huge smile as I launch myself at her. "You were great!"

"Thanks kiddo." She ruffles my hair as she sets me back on the ground. Mom and Emily appear next to us and after they both congratulate Lauren, mom happily and Emily grudgingly, mom turns to dad and congratulates him on his coaching abilities.

"I can see you turning out just like Whitey." He looks down and there's almost a blush on his face and I vaguely think I remember Uncle Nate saying Whitey was his high school basketball coach.

"How about we all go for pizza to celebrate?" I look for one parent to the other and then to Lauren praying that she hasn't made plans with her friends. She raises a quizzical eyebrow at me and I plead with my eyes at her to go along with it.

"Yeah that sounds fun Connor." I grin at her in relief.

"What sounds fun our new basketball star?" Lauren turns and grins, embracing grandma and I see the rest of our family on the now clearing court.

"Thanks grandma. Pizza to celebrate. Connor suggested we all go."

"None of you guys had plans did you?" My head turns sharply to look at my mom, I hadn't planned on the entire family going. It'd be much easier for my parents to avoid talking to one another if no one else was there.

"Pizza after a winning game always beats any other plans. In fact I say pizza is the only way to celebrate." My dad snorts at what Uncle Nate said.

"I never saw you having pizza to celebrate, not unless it was helped down with a keg or two."

"Dude kids here." I watch the adults in my family laugh at my dad and my uncle and it seems so easy between them all. I suddenly remember all the stories I've been told of times when the entire family were together regularly and I've seen the pictures of the family meals out together and all the happy smiling people. Suddenly the idea of everyone coming for pizza with us doesn't seem such a bad idea because I realise it's got to remind my parents of when we were all happy.

Dinner is probably the most relaxed and at ease I've seen either of my parents in a long time. They join in when everyone else reminisces about this time or that time and the mood is one that's incredibly light and happy. It does make me a little sad that my parents sit at opposite ends of the table and that they don't talk directly to each other more than the odd time or two but at least they seem happy to join in with remembering. In fact my mom even voluntarily talks about the time she was pregnant with Emily and she decided she and my dad needed to do something a little crazy so they tee-peed the ex-mayor's house. The ex-mayor who happens to be my Uncle Nate's dad. Lauren says she remembers one of the first times she actually did something fun with both parents and it was when dad had to rescue mom from destroying the nursery for Hannah. This gives me a good idea for my plan on getting my parents back together.

* * *

I knock on Lauren's door and wait for her to tell me it's okay to come in. I go inside and see she's watching the footage of the game from earlier.

"You could have gotten a few more points if that girl actually passed." Lauren gives me a little half smile.

"I'm not exactly her favourite person."

"You're mine." She gives me a full smile this time and I perch on her bed next to her. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure you can baby brother."

"When dad first showed up they didn't like each other did they?"

"No they didn't, they were pretty clear in the not liking. They just were never really around one another and if they were it was tense rarely they argued but maybe that was just rarely they argued when I could hear."

"Is when Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley needed them when Hannah was born when they first started getting along?"

"Yes and no. It was fun doing Hannah's nursery but it was still tense. Things didn't really change until I got sick and I was in the hospital."

"Would you ever get sick like that again?"

"No Connor I wouldn't. The doctors fixed what was making me sick. I wouldn't be able to play basketball if they hadn't.

* * *

**Lauren**

I get an incredibly sick feeling when I'm called to the principal's office. My grades may not set the world alight but I'm not failing anything and my general behaviour means I do still get classed as a good student. I know I've not committed any wrong doings so I panic when I'm called there. Seeing my dad looking like a wreck when I step inside just makes the panic grow.

"Lauren your mom just called Connor's in hospital we need to go." I nod dumbly and follow him as he rushes out into the halls and to the parking lot. I vaguely realise he has a new car, or at least new to him because this car is definitely vintage. Driving along the panic doesn't subside but I worry more because my dad's driving a little erratic, plus I still have that whole fear of the hospital thing.

We get there and rush inside, as my dad heads to reception to ask for information I shout out to him because I can see my mom through some doors and rush to her.

"Is he okay?" She turns at the sound of my voice and opens her arms wide for me to rush into them. In some ways I feel like a child again for the very fact that I'm seeking comfort from her something I've not done in a long time.

"I think so honey."

"What happened to him Brooke?" I pull away from my mom and watch as she raises her hands in a god knows gesture. The metal bracelets on her arm jingle softly as it moves up and down.

"An accident, he just fell Luke. One minute he's at the top of the jungle gym reaching for the monkey bars and apparently the next he was on the ground. One of the other kids told the teacher he went head first. The doctor said he roused a little but he's out cold again now. He's fractured his left arm but other than that they say he's okay. They're just getting him settled now and then we can see him. The doctor said they'll want to keep him in for observation for at least one day maybe more." As she speaks it seems almost like a bridge is built between the two of them. It's like in one awful moment where something might have happened to one of their most precious possessions they are able to overcome all the problems that divide them. I wonder if that's what it was like when it was me in the hospital bed. And that's when it hits me.

We wait patiently and silently, or at least silent on my part until the doctor comes. We go to Connor's room and sit with him until he thankfully wakes up. Eventually my dad agrees to mom's suggestion of going to collect Emily from Aunt Haley and Uncle Nate's. My mom walks with him to bid him farewell and give him a verbal list of the things she'd like him to get from the house for Connor's stay in hospital and it gives me the opportunity to say exactly what it is that has been on my mind since arriving here over two hours ago.

"You did it on purpose." He looks at me panicked and that's when I become one hundred percent certain. Until then I was hoping that he'd turn round and tell me I was wrong but he doesn't.

"Don't tell." I explode then because I am so god damn furious with him.

"Why shouldn't I tell Connor? Do you have any idea how dangerous what you did was? You got off so lightly from this but you could have seriously seriously hurt yourself and you expect me to not say a word." He looks up at me and he seems so much younger than he is when he finally whispers.

"I just wanted to fix them." My anger goes then because honestly who could be angry with a child who wants desperately to unite his family. I sink down beside him on the bed and wrap him in my arms.

"It's not your job to fix them Connor. They broke what they had and they broke our family and the only ones who can fix all that is them. You swear to me that you will never, ever do anything that stupid again and I won't tell them you did it on purpose. But you better mean it Connor because I never want you to be in this place again – or worse which could happen if you're that stupid again." He snuggles closer to me.

"I promise Lauren." We sit together like that for the longest time, with me stroking his hair like he's a much younger child than he is and by the time my mom returns she finds him asleep against me. She stands in the doorway and smiles at me and I don't feel that I can tell her the truth because I think it will seriously hurt her to know why Connor did what he did. She's punishing herself and has been since dad's accident for her poor parenting over the past couple of years and this would just make it worse. While we may not be managing to build any real bridges I know she is getting back to the person she used to be and I somehow think this will make it so much worse, which most certainly wouldn't be good for Connor.

* * *

**Emily**

I'm glad Connor is okay, of course I am but it does seem a little like everyone is making a bigger fuss than necessary. He fell off playground equipment he didn't get hit by a car. Lauren has even been worse than mom and dad and has spent every second she hasn't been at school at hospital with him, insisting that mom get his room ready and she would bring him home with dad. Lauren is settling Connor in his room now. Dad is downstairs helping mom clean the dishes after she let him stay for dinner. It was completely weird to all be sat round the table and the extra weird part is knowing dad can't even remember a time when we all sat round that table because he can't remember us living in this house.

My mom says you only ever hear half a story when you eavesdrop but as I walk past Connor's room and hear Lauren making him promise her that he won't ever do anything so stupid again I wonder what she means. He promises he won't but then adds that he won't need to because it worked and mom and dad doing the dishes together now proves it. It's then my brain goes into overdrive and I take a good guess at what it is he did on purpose.

"You didn't fall by accident!" The words are out my mouth before I realise I'm even saying them and Lauren turns to glare at me while Connor can't even look right at me. It's enough to show me I'm right.

"Emily it's not that simple." I hate that Lauren is never nice to me unless it's for Connor and the tone of her voice right now is definitely her trying to be nice to me.

"Seems pretty clear to me but maybe we should ask mom and dad to be sure."

"Don't tell!" Connor practically shoots out of bed.

"I won't tell – so long as you stop trying to get them back together."

"No way Emily. They should be together." Lauren must realise we're about to descend into enough chaos to alert mom and dad because she forces Connor to lay back down and then calmly turns to me.

"Emily why would you want Connor to not try and get them back together." I give her a look because I honestly didn't think she was quite this stupid.

"Because they stopped fighting. There's no more yelling and door slamming and dad's actually sticking around even though he doesn't live here we all see him a million times more than did before. And they can be in the same room as each other without it being like a war zone that we walk into. I'm not scared of them both being home anymore. I think the better question is why would you want to change that?"

* * *

**Brooke**

She sighs with relief as she closes the door behind Lucas. It's been almost two weeks since she blurted out about the miscarriage but because of Connor there's been no time to think about it let alone discuss it and she knows Lucas is none the wiser about what happens than he was when she first said it. She knows she was completely wrong blurting it out like she did and the worst part is she truly had no intention of ever telling him because if someone could erase her memory of all that misery then she would gladly take it.

She's not sure how she feels about tonight, it was almost like they were a family again and there's a huge part of her that misses that so badly.

"Mom?" Brooke's jolted from her thoughts by the soft whisper of her oldest daughter.

"Yes honey." Brooke felt incredibly apprehensive about the fact Lauren was coming to speak with her. Lauren hovered instead of sitting on the sofa beside her.

"Connor would kill me if he knew I was talking to you. I promised I wouldn't say anything. But after hearing Emily you need to know what's going on with them." Apprehension turned to worry but Brooke managed to bite her tongue. It seemed the tactic worked as it appeared Lauren felt emboldened and perched in the edge of the sofa. "Connor's fall wasn't an accident."

"Someone did it to him?" Brooke felt both incredulous that her son wouldn't have told her that and angry that someone had hurt her son.

"No. He did it to himself. He got this idea about wanting you and dad to get back together and decided to help things alone. He'd asked me what thawed things out when dad first came to Tree Hill when I was a kid. I thought he was just curious but then there was the accident." Brooke felt winded by the realisation that her baby boy had thrown himself head first to the ground knowing he could seriously hurt himself because of her and Lucas.

"What do you mean you promised not to tell me?" Lauren looked shocked that the first words Brooke said were those.

"He swore he wouldn't do anything stupid again – mainly I think because he thought it was working. Then Emily went off on one saying to leave it and that it's better now you're apart. I just got the feeling that she would work as hard to keep you apart as he would on getting you together and I was scared it would mean he wouldn't stick to his promise." Brooke shook her head completely bewildered at how her life had ended up like this. How she'd ruined the lives of her children.

"You told me everything once Lauren and yet now you can contemplate not telling me something this important."

"You stopped sharing first." And Brooke knew she was right. There was no one to blame for the situation but herself. She and Lauren had been inseparable once, for the longest time. Even after Lucas and she had gotten married Brooke and Lauren had shared a special bond, they'd been closer than close and she had often shared more with her daughter than other people would think appropriate but she'd always been open. Until the miscarriage. When she thought about it she could trace most the problems in her relationships with her children and husband back to that miscarriage.


	15. Miscarriage

**Song is Bon Jovi ft LeAnn Rimes Til We Aint Strangers Anymore**

**Brooke**

Knowing just how badly she's failed as a mother is the worst part of waking up, remembering that she's just as bad as her own parents but in entirely different ways, or maybe in the same ways. Her problems started when she stopped being around. She's laid in bed and glances across at her digital clock and sees that it's just 5:21a.m. She's had a lousy night's sleep the information Lauren gave her the previous night put pay to any thought of sleeping well. She allows herself to really consider her surroundings.

The bed she lay on was the same one as when she and Lucas had first married, it had a new mattress and new expensive sheets but it was the same bed. She let her hand lay across the space he'd once taken up and tried to mentally calculate how long it had been since they'd shared this bed. Even when Lucas had been in town he'd often fall asleep in his study. Even harder than pinpointing the last time Lucas had been in this bed was calculating the last time he'd been in their bed and they had something between them that resembled a marriage.

This room had been painted three times in the five years they'd lived in the house. It had given Lucas something to do when he'd been home and not writing. They both sought relief from their lives in any work. It seemed easier than facing what had happened to them. She smiled lightly at the irony that maybe she was ready to talk about it now, only she no longer had anyone to talk to. The Lucas that understood their problems wasn't here anymore and she felt cruel telling this Lucas the truth of how their marriage had deteriorated. But she did need to talk to him about Connor. She shuddered to think that he saw getting them back together was so much more important than his wellbeing. It scared her that he would put their marriage before his life. It also scared her to think what further steps he would talk to secure what he wanted – or at least try to secure it.

She finally got out of bed and after wrapping her robe about her slight frame walked softly down the hall to stand in the doorway of her youngest child. Her baby boy looked so innocent while sleeping but she now knew that wasn't quite the case. She'd wanted her children to keep their innocence for as long as possible – yet another thing she'd failed at doing for them. But then she moved to Emily's doorway and she realised just how forgiving children could be. A few weeks of special Saturday shopping trips with Emily and she'd been forgiven for months, years even of lukewarm parenting. This of course made her think of Lauren. She was too old to be bought in quite the same way. At least Lucas was allowed time with her because of the basketball team. Lauren was still reluctant to participate in the family dinners Brooke now always made time for. Brooke wondered if she'd even be forgiven by her for the way she'd spent years being. She often debated whether she'd been wrong in thinking just by being in Tree Hill she was the better parent. Maybe she was worse because even though she was in Tree Hill she was never available. And Lauren suffered her unavailability the most. She began to wonder what it must have been like for her beautiful daughter with whom she'd shared a bond closer than anyone when she was suddenly not there. At first it was emotionally and then later it was physically most of the time too. It was no wonder Lauren was showing the same emotional unavailability to her now.

She made her way down the stairs and made herself a cup of coffee before slipping out onto the porch. She curled up in the porch swing and stared blankly at the early morning lost entirely in her thoughts.

"Brooke?" Her eyes snapped from her coffee to the figure approaching from the sidewalk.

"What are you doing here?" Lucas gestured down towards his attire.

"Out for a run." She nodded slowly.

"It's early for a run."

"It's 6.30, the world start up pretty soon." Brooke glanced down at her cup of coffee which she now realised how grown cold in her hands to the house in which her children would need to be woken for school soon. "How early did you think it was?"

"I came out here just after 5.30." Lucas raised his eyebrows. She patted the space next to her and he came to sit beside her. "I couldn't sleep. Lauren told me something last night that has plagued me. Connor didn't fall by accident. He did it on purpose. Lauren had told him about when she in the hospital and apparently he is plotting to get us back together and..."

"And he thought being in the hospital would help things along." Brooke nodded sadly along with him. Both sat contemplating what their son had done. "You know we need to talk right, properly. About all of it." She nodded slowly. Sure she knew they needed to talk, that much was completely obvious. It was knowing what to say that was the hard part. It was knowing how on earth they could even attempt to salvage something wrong the wreck that was their family.

"You should come back after I've taken the kids to school." He nodded and stood up.

"I'll see you soon Brooke."

* * *

Lucas was waiting on the porch swing as she parked the car in the driveway. She'd felt apprehensive about leaving Connor at school. It was his first day back and not only that she'd not yet talked to him about what she now knew. She'd figured it was best to speak with Lucas first because ultimately this was down to both of them. As he stood the sun caught him and for a moment she was transported back in time. They'd taken a vacation to Mauritius when the girls were young. They'd stayed with Haley and Nathan for the first week and then with Karen and Keith for the second. Two weeks of sunshine, sand, sea and the fourth s. She was hit with the same bolt of lust for him now as she had been as the sun glinted down on him then. The distance between them then being having two young children, now it was so much more than that. It had been bridgeable then and for the first time she actually wished that it was bridgeable now. She smiled softly as she walked towards him though she wondered where this softness towards him was coming from. Where had it been years ago when it would have done them some good? She didn't bother going inside preferring instead to drop down onto the porch swing beside him, feeling as though somehow sitting in such a relaxed place, in such beautiful weather would make this conversation easier. For the first time since the accident she wished with her whole heart that he could remember something. She wished he could remember when they first moved here, just after she'd found out she was expected Connor. And after the girls were in bed they would sit here together, she with her legs splayed across his lap as the sun set and they shared their thoughts. Shared their day and fervently talked about what this child would look like, sound like, be like.

"Did you speak to Connor?" She opened her eyes from her reverie at the sound of his voice.

"I wanted to talk to you first. I'm torn Luke. The children should come first – always and yet so many things can be traced back to what I told you before that it seems like that should be what we discuss first." Both were equally weighty topics and of course Connor was more important, his health and what he was potentially going to do to it and yet as with everything in their lives the past threatened to overwhelm them.

"I need to talk about the miscarriage Brooke. Ever since I woke up I feel like I've been piecing together a jigsaw that shows the picture of how we got from where I am to where you are. I feel like now maybe with this piece I can see it all." She nodded and tried to summon the strength within to talk about her baby. She'd never spoken a word to anyone about this child after she'd called Lucas on the book tour to tell him about the miscarriage. Even when he'd come home she'd barely said a word about it. Everything had been too raw and too fresh to contemplate talking about it and though some couples were able to pull together for them it was the wedge that drove them apart. Even now so many years later she bought a single cupcake and lit a candle on the day her baby should have been born. A silent, lonely recognition that however briefly her child had existed.

"When I told you the hot summer story of when Connor was born. You weren't in Tree Hill, or you weren't supposed to be. The air con wasn't working and I stripped naked just to get some sleep. Connor was just weeks old. You came home and found me butt naked on the bed. I don't really need to explain how that story ends. Right from the start I found that pregnancy harder than any of the others. I just felt drained all the time. Things at home had been getting worse for a while but you never seemed willing to listen to what I had to say or confront it when you were here. It felt like you were running away sometimes. But the girls were beyond difficult and Connor had colic. I begged you to end the tour early and come home. Begged every night for over a week. You just told me a month wasn't that long. You said that your mom could always help or Hales. But I needed you Luke. This one day Lauren and Emily were at their worst. Connor had barely slept so was incredibly difficult and I was exhausted. I was just going up the stairs to yell at them both and then there was this pain, it was blinding and I put my hand out to steady myself but it was intense that my vision was cloudy and I couldn't see straight to grab the hand rail and I fell. It was only a couple of steps. I didn't even bleed. Lauren even called your mom and she came by and I still wasn't bleeding. But there was still that pain only she didn't know I was pregnant yet. I got a cab to the hospital. I told her I should probably get checked out from the fall, she agreed. Just as the cab was stopping I felt something trickle down my leg. The doctor thought that given the pain before the fall that I was already starting to miscarry before I fell. But he couldn't be sure." She broke off there to glance across at Lucas. His hand was down and as far as she could tell he was staring at his hands.

"Did I come straight away?"

"Yes. But it was too late for us by then. At first we were both numb and barely spoke. We didn't touch, I couldn't even bear to sleep in the same room as you. Eventually you said something and I exploded. I know that the doctor couldn't give me a reason why it had happened and logically I know it wasn't your fault but in my heart I blamed you. I think maybe, a part of me still does." The tears were in her eyes slipping silently down her cheeks and she hated herself for still blaming him. Even back then the doctor had told her that nothing she had or hadn't done was likely to have changed the outcome but she couldn't stem the anger. Lucas' head shot up at her words and he stared deep into her eyes.

"I blame me too." Through her tears she could see his pooling in his eyes. "I should have been here. I don't understand how I could have listening to you begging me to come home for so long. The first night you asked I should have come." She lifted her hands to softly wipe the tears from his eyes.

"It's not your fault Lucas. You would have come, I know that." And she did know that because this was HER Lucas, the one who stood on a chair in a cafe and told everyone he loved her. The one she married and had children to.

"But I didn't and there's no use differing between us because I became him and I did all those things I shouldn't have." Both of them were crying faster now then either could wipe the tears away.

"I did things too Lucas, you weren't the only one. We both ignored what was going on. I did too at first it wasn't until Connor was born and there less of me to go around that I really noticed. Or maybe they just got worse when Connor was born I don't know. I just needed to blame you because I couldn't face the alternative."

"What was the alternative?"

"Blaming them, blaming her but I think I have been anyway and not even realising it." She let him wrap her in his arms and felt soothed by his embrace in a way she hadn't in years.

"We'll fix this Brooke." She didn't ask him whether he meant their marriage or their children, or maybe both. She didn't know which the answer she wanted was. Instead she let him hold her because it just felt right.

_It might be hard to be lovers  
But it's harder to be friends  
Baby, pull down the covers  
It's time you let me in  
Maybe light a couple candles  
I'll just go ahead and lock the door  
If you just talk to me baby  
Till we ain't strangers anymore_

Lay your head on my pillow  
I sit beside you on the bed  
Don't you think it's time we say  
Some things we haven't said  
It ain't too late to get back to that place  
Back to where, we thought it was before  
Why don't you look at me  
Till we ain't strangers anymore

Sometimes it's hard to love me  
Sometimes it's hard to love you too  
I know it's hard believing  
That love can pull us through  
It would be so easy  
To live your life

With one foot out the door  
Just hold me baby  
Till we ain't strangers anymore

It's hard to find forgiveness  
When we just turn out the light  
It's hard to say you're sorry  
When you can't tell wrong from right  
It would be so easy  
To spend your whole damn life  
Just keeping score  
So let's get down to it baby  
There ain't no need to lie

Tell me who you think you see  
When you look into my eyes  
Lets put our two hearts back together  
And we'll leave the broken pieces on the floor  
Make love with me baby  
Till we ain't strangers anymore

**Lucas**

As he held her tight while both their tears dried he was able to see what it was that had driven them so far apart. And yet holding her like this gave him the hope he so desperately needed that there was a way to pick up the pieces of their shattered life and build something between them again. He'd been in hell since she'd first blurted out about a miscarriage what felt like an eternity ago and now he knew and understood why she blamed him. He blamed himself too. Like he'd said to her it didn't matter that he couldn't remember doing it, he had to stop differentiating between the person he believed he was and the person he'd become. The fact he couldn't remember becoming such a different person or the awful things that person had done didn't erase them. The only option he had was to work his hardest to put right the things he had broken and the first thing he had to put right was Brooke and his children.

"I'm so so sorry Brooke. I love you so much and I hate what I've done to you." She pulled back from him then and looked him straight in the eye. He wasn't sure who moved the last fraction of an inch it took for their lips to meet but meet they did. It wasn't the hot passionate type of kiss he remembered sharing with her. It was a soft, sad kiss full of the heartbreak both felt. It was a kiss of desperation between a pair that despite the odds still had love for one another. He may not have been able to say who started the kiss but he knew it was Brooke that pulled away.

"There's something else I need to tell you. Lauren said that as badly as Connor wants us together. Emily feels equally as strongly that she wants us apart." He frowned unable to understand why any of them would prefer to be apart than together. "She thinks we actually get along now so why ruin it by getting us back together."

"Was it that bad when we were together?" She nodded.

"After the miscarriage we fought all the time I blamed you and I don't know how really felt because we didn't talk about it. After a while you started to resent the way I continued to blame you. I think you thought that it was my anger that was destroying us and not the miscarriage." He just didn't know what was the best thing to do. He wanted nothing more than to fix his marriage but he couldn't carry on regardless trying to do that when Emily was so against the idea. Somehow he needed to find a way of showing her that this could be good for them all.

"I guess the first thing is to talk to Connor and make sure he doesn't get any more bright ideas."

"I agree. He needs to know that he can't pull any more dangerous stunts."

"Brooke, I just need to know what do you want, because I want to fix us. I've never that fact from you." Her hazel eyes looked directly into his and he searched deep within them for something that would keep his belief in them alive.

"When I figure it out you'll be the first to know."


	16. Unexpected Visitor

**Brooke**

The knock on the door was no surprise to her. She was expecting Lucas now the children were home. They'd agreed he would come over and they would talk with all the children separately to address the individual fears and issues each seemed to have because of what had gone on in the past. Lauren got the door before she did so Brooke didn't bother coming closer to the door than the doorway to the kitchen where she stood wiping her hands on a towel from preparing dinner. No the knock on the door was not a surprise to Brooke, the voice on the other hand was.

"My god you look just like her. Well where is she?" That voice made her blood run cold. It was still as condescending and withering as it had been the last time she'd heard it. She was completely frozen with shock and did not move to save Lauren.

"I'm assuming you mean where is my mom as I can't think of anyone else I might look like. Though just so you know – rude much!"

"Clearly you are deficient in some way so I will speak slowly for you. Where – is – she?"

"I'm looking for a reason not to slam the door in your face."

"Oh for heaven's sake." And with that Lauren was unceremoniously shoved aside and there she was stood in the living room. Victoria Davis. She didn't look a day older than the last time Brooke had seen her. Clearly she'd had an awful lot of work done in the last eighteen years. Finally Brooke found her voice and she stepped further into the room. Lauren stood aside the door the edge of it still in her hand the door still open.

"Lauren I need you to go and take over where I left off with dinner." Brooke may have found her voice but by no means did it sound like her voice. Maybe that was why Lauren shut the door and went straight into the kitchen without a single argument. "I'm failing to find a single reason why you would show up here. In which case I want you to leave now."

"Oh for goodness sake Brooke don't act like such a child. I've booked you on a flight to California first thing tomorrow morning. Your father wants to see you." Brooke could hardly believe this was actually happening.

"Really? I'll go pack right now in that case. Oh wait no I remember you are the parents who disowned me when I was sixteen so actually I don't think I'll bother." Victoria huffed impatiently.

"Trust me the last place on earth I want to be is here. But given the tramp you were I have no reason to doubt that somewhere in this house are more of your offspring and I assure you that it is in their and your best interest to fly to California with me and see your father."

"Nothing remotely related to either of you is the best interest of my children."

"He is extremely ill, which is why you must go to him and not he to you." Brooke held up a hand to stop Victoria continuing.

"If this is about money" She began before being harshly cut off.

"Oh please you think that just because he's ill that all of a sudden things are any different. We cut you off financially back then because you threw your life away. Nothing's changed that fact. He feels he is obligated to see you before he dies. And as I said this meeting is in your best interests as well as your brats' best interest." She wanted to tear a strip off Bitchtoria for calling her children that but didn't see the point. Nothing she said would make a difference anyway.

"Fine. I'll go on the agreement that after that I hear nothing from either of you ever again."

"It would be my pleasure. The flight is at ten, I shall arrange for a car to collect you - do not leave me waiting Brooke." And with that she was gone as suddenly as she had appeared leaving Brooke wondering if that had really happened. A light tap on the still open door and Lucas' head peeking round it brought Brooke from her trance.

"Was that someone important?" She blinked and shook her head to clear it.

"Someone you want to be thankful you never met." Lucas gave her a quizzical look. "It was Victoria." Lucas looked as stunned as Brooke felt.

"As in Victoria Davis?"

"Thankfully there is only one."

"Did I forget the two of you making up?" Brooke laughed then and beckoned him inside.

"Absolutely not. That's the first time I've seen her since I was sixteen. She said my father is ill and he wants to see me. She said it's in my best interest and the children's best interest for me to go – to California."

"Are you going to go?"

"If it's okay with you. I'll need you to stay with the kids." He squinted and rubbed his forehead.

"You know I'd love to be with the kids and you certainly don't need my permission to do anything, but are you sure you want to see him? I mean what can he possibly have to say that you want to hear?" That she thought was the million dollar question. A big part of her thought she was doing completely the wrong thing by even agreeing to go, and yet she had to know what it was that was so important that after eighteen years he would want to talk to her. And of course she reasoned there was nothing to stop her walking out if she found there was nothing he had to say that mattered to her.

"I have to go, at least begin to hear him out. If only for the part where it's in their best interest. Victoria said it's not money which I wouldn't take from them anyway so there's got to be something else." Victoria's sudden appearance at her door had completely thrown Brooke for a loop. She settled into a stunned silence as she forced herself into the kitchen to continue with dinner. If she had been more herself she would have paid more notice to the fact Lauren didn't say a single word about Victoria appearing from nowhere and going again just as suddenly. Instead Lauren laid the table for five working on the assumption that Lucas would be staying for dinner now he was here. Brooke could vaguely hear Lucas and Lauren discussing something basketball related whether it was her performance, the team or just basketball she couldn't even say. She tried to drag up possibilities for what was so important Richard Davis would want to see her now after so long and yet she found it impossible to conjure up a single one. She mindlessly put spaghetti on each plate, the smell of onion, mince and bolognaise sauce didn't even reach her mind such was her intense focus on the parents who had disowned her. It had been her mother that she had told about her pregnancy, not because she thought she would be more understanding but because if she waited for them both to be in town she may well have already given birth. She didn't even know what Richard's reaction had been. She'd been ensconced in the safety of Karen's before he came back to Tree Hill. All she knew was that by the time she'd given birth to Lauren the Davis home had been sold and to her knowledge neither Richard nor Victoria had stepped foot in Tree Hill since then. She did briefly wonder how Victoria had found her but figured with enough money anything was possible, besides this was a small town and people here loved nothing more than gossip and drama. Brooke as a Scott now was relatively used to having people talk about her, she had been since she'd become a teen mom, particularly given who she was living with and that fact the father of her child was the boy who himself had been raised by a teen mom.

She slipped a plate onto each setting and barely even registered that her other children were now seated at the table. Brooke may have physically been present during that meal but mentally she was a million miles away. She found herself wondered for the first time what exactly Richard had said when Victoria told him their daughter was pregnant and that she'd disowned her. Richard could have overrode Victoria if he chose to Brooke wasn't naive about that. But what exactly had been his response, had he even given thought to how she'd cope at all? And why did he care enough to want to see her now.

"Brooke?" She forced herself from the thoughts swirling in her head to find Lucas was stood beside her waiting for something from her. She noted Emily and Connor were gone, Lauren stood by the dishwasher stacking the dirty dishes inside of it. She glanced down at her own plate and saw she'd barely touched what was on it.

"Take it." Lucas did exactly as she said, clearing the plate before giving it to Lauren to stack. Once that was done the two shared hushed words before Lauren disappeared off to her room. Lucas came and sat opposite her again.

"I think we should leave talking with the kids for today Brooke, it's obvious this situation with Victoria showing up has thrown you. It's not the right time." Part of her was grateful to him for saying it and yet she felt guilty that she wasn't putting her kids first, particularly Connor given that he had done something so dangerous. But the fact was she couldn't give the children her full attention right now. She couldn't even focus on what she was feeling though she surmised that was because of the multitude of feelings swirling within her.

* * *

**Connor**

Mom was acting really weird last night at dinner, though dad being there was good. But since he came up to tell us that mom was going away overnight and he'd be staying with us I'm worrying. Maybe they're not getting on better, maybe mom is leaving us now. Logically I know that's a crazy fear because mom seems so much more dedicated to us than she has done in a long time. I couldn't sleep last night and I heard Lauren talking to mom early this morning as she packed her bag. All I could hear was something about going with a rude woman. I'm not sure what's going on, I hope Lauren will tell me what she knows because then I'll have some idea but lately she's becoming more and more like a grown up and not telling me anything. There's a horn beeping and dad looks out the window and tells my mom that it looks like the car for her. We all pile outside and mom hugs us as dad puts her bag in the car.

As she's about to get in the car dad steps forward and places his hand on her elbow. He talks softly to her and she nods along with him and she rests her forehead against his. I think I hear her say thank you but I'm not sure. There's one last long look between them and then she gets in the car. We wave as she pulls away but already it seems like she's someplace else.

Dad turns to us all and looks at us with a grin.

"So since it's just us until tomorrow afternoon I thought we could do something fun together."

"I've got plans with Ky." Dad frowns at Lauren then and I want to hit her.

"You're not even going to hear me out?" Lauren nods and dad grins again. "I figure we can drive out to Charlotte and go to Carowinds for the day and then tonight we could head to the Bobcats game." Lauren's face breaks into the biggest grin and I'm pretty sure my face is the same, Emily looks like she likes the idea, but she probably isn't too overjoyed with the basketball idea. "And so you are able to honour your plans, Ky can come with us. We're staying overnight in Charlotte though so he needs his parents' permission." I wish it was just us as a family but I know Lauren will want Ky there and I tell myself that there will be rides I'm not tall enough for so Lauren will need someone to go on them with.

"That sounds perfect, I'll go tell Ky to pack his stuff."

"Well I'm glad that the plan has been approved. Let's all grab a bag of overnight things and we'll get on the road as soon as possible.

I race up to my room and stuff some clean clothes into my school bag along with my toothbrush and pyjamas and then I'm done. I skip down the stairs to find dad loading a bag in the kitchen with drinks and snacks.

"Hey buddy, go throw your bag into the car and tell your sisters to get a move on. Have you got your Bobcats cap?" I'm almost out the door before I pause and turn back to him.

"How did you know I've got a Bobcats cap?" he pauses his hand mid way from the counter where he grabbed a bag of chips to the bag in which it was going in. His hand softly falls back to the counter and he turns slowly to look at me squinting as he does so like he's trying really hard to focus on something that's just outside of his consciousness.

"I took Lauren to the game when you were a few days old, I got carried away and bought almost every baby set there was on sale and I bought you a cap because it was something that you'd be able to keep and not grow out of real quick like the baby clothes." His voice was funny as he spoke, I can't remember any of it obviously I just know I've had a Bobcats baseball cap since forever.

"You remember that?" I turn round to find Lauren looking at him incredulously waiting for a response to her question.

"Yeah." Dad's voice is still weird, it's all shaky like he's not really sure what's happening. "You chose a little white suit with the Bobcats logo dotted all over it with an orange hat and orange booties that came as a set. You grinned the whole way home clutching it desperately excited about giving it to your baby brother." I don't remember the clothes and I've never been told this story, I watch in fascination as Lauren nods along with what my dad is saying and I feel a thrill that the first thing he remembered was to do with me, all triggered by a chance remark about a cap that I realised meant something so much more for us.

"What's going on?" Emily was now standing a little behind Lauren in the doorway staring at our spellbound faces.

"Dad remembered something."

"What did you remember daddy?" His tense face relaxes into a grin as he recounts the story briefly to Emily. He looks happy and stunned all at the same time. I feel like this is a sign that today is definitely going to be a good day. Ky arrives then and it prompts us all to finish getting ready to leave. I sit myself in the back with Lauren and Ky and let Emily sit up front without any of the usual arguments. The only thing any of us can really think of is the fact dad remembered something.

"How long has it been since the accident Mr Scott?"

"Call me Lucas. It's been just over seven months. I admit I was starting to think I wouldn't get any of my memory back. I think I'd almost come to terms with that idea so it's mind blowing to find that actually maybe I will start to remember things."

"You think maybe you should call the doctor dad?"

"It's Saturday and we've plans for the weekend so it can wait. It wasn't like a wave hit me it was a small little trigger. But it's exciting."

"I can't wait for mom to get home and we can tell her." and it's true I can't wait for mom to get home, maybe if dad remembers the good stuff he can remind mom and it'll bring them even closer. It's definitely going to be a good weekend. The drive is ridiculously long and boring, we make on stop at a diner for some food about an hour away from Carowinds and then get straight back on the road.

"Can we go on the rapids first dad?" I admit now we're here I might be a little giddy. I've only been to Carowinds twice before, one time was a school trip and the other time Uncle Nate and Aunt Haley invited me, Emily, Lauren, Leo and Lily to all go along with them. That day was awesome! Dad laughs at me bouncing around, I can barely contain my excitement because even though coming with my cousins and my aunt and uncle was great I've never been with my family and doing something with my dad makes it even better because he's never done anything like this with us before.

"Sure let's make the first ride we go on the one that drowns us." He laughs at me but follows as I race off in the direction of the rapids ride. I insist that no matter how bad we look dad gets us the souvenir photo that gets taken and he agrees without an argument. Even Emily likes the idea and she usually hates having her picture taken.


	17. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

**Brooke**

Brooke followed Victoria through a maze of corridors in a truly impressive house. The flight had been tense for Brooke and Victoria had barely a word to say, not that Brooke had any real desire to make small talk with the woman. Victoria's heels click clacked on the polished parquet and Brooke wondered just what the point of having this house really was. She doubted that Victoria and Richard would have spent that much time here, she knew what they were like after all. This place was palatial, compared to this their house in Tree Hill had been bijou. Victoria stopped suddenly outside a room with double oak doors. She threw both doors open and marched inside the same floor continued and Brooke listened once more to the click clack sound before bracing herself and walking inside. The room was dim and it took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the gloom. At first glance she didn't see him, and then her eyes found him though her brain refused to process that it was him.

"Daddy?" The word was out before she even realised she was saying it. The truth was seeing him like he was brought forth untold emotions within her. To a certain extent the way she'd always remembered her father was the way she saw him as a young child of no more than five or six. Before she realised that the amazing toys were ways of buying her off, before she saw that he was fobbing her off with gifts instead of giving her time, attention and love. She'd seen him as a giant then. And now the way she saw him made her near physically sick.

"Of course it's him Brooke. You really can be incredibly obtuse." Tears in her eyes her attention snapped from the man in the chair to Victoria.

"You could have prepared me." Victoria gave a shrug before turning to her husband.

"I did as you asked I got her here, now you deal with her." With a sneer thrown in Brooke's direction she marched to the door, pausing only to turn back. "He's prepared a little speech for you with his computer. It works through eye movement so if you ask him a question be prepared for it to take a while before you get an answer, hence the pre-prepared speech." The click clack started again signalling that she was disappearing off into the bowels of the house. Brooke inched a little further into the room taking a minute to let herself see her father. He was almost skeletal he was that thin. He was encased within what she could only assume was a chair specifically made for him with what appeared to be a computer attached to it. In fact she recalled seeing pictures of Professor Stephen Hawking in a chair very much of the same design.

"Brooke I am glad you came." She was stunned to find the robotic monotone of a computer generated voice start speaking to her. "I realise this is probably a shock to you after so many years. Firstly I wish to apologise for being such a negligent father, it probably means little now but I have re-evaluated my life of late." She noticed then that while his head was leant close towards his shoulders as if his neck muscles did not hold the strength to keep it aloft and that his expression was void of emotion his eyes watched her closely. "Almost three years ago now I received a diagnosis of a terminal illness. Despite that diagnosis I arrogantly assumed this disease would not destroy me as quickly and completely as it has others. Brooke I am suffering from Motor Neurone Disease." Like most people she assumed she had a limited idea of what exactly Motor Neurone Disease was, she was vaguely aware that most people referred to it was Lou Gehrig's Disease. All she really knew right now was that this was responsible for making her father the man she saw right now. "About a year ago a chance remark was made in the presence of my doctors making them aware of you, prior to this they had not thought it necessary to discuss that small chance that I was suffering the rare hereditary form of the disease. After looking into my family history they concluded that it was highly likely I do have the hereditary type, of which only 10% of sufferers have." A cold feeling hit her in the stomach and it became clear that it wasn't that he wanted to apologise for his poor parenting now he was facing death, he had an entirely different reason for wanting to speak with her. It felt worse somehow that such emotive and potentially devastating news was being delivered in an emotionless computer synthesized voice.

* * *

"Hey it's mom, put me on speaker phone so I can talk to you all." She tried so hard to keep her voice light as Lauren did as she asked and she found herself talking to her three children.

"Hey mom we just saw the Bobcats play and we've been to Carowinds!" Brooke managed a smile at the enthusiasm of her baby boy, she listened as he rattled off a list of the rides he'd been on and she did her best to find the words they all needed to hear.

"Right guys I need to talk to mom for a minute, I want you to get your pyjamas on now it's late." Brooke was thankful as she bid goodbye to the children that Lucas was taking the phone, she didn't know if she had the strength to keep going.

"Luke," She began before pausing trying to keep the break from her voice and the tears from falling down her cheeks. "It turns out that I need to stay here a little longer so I'm going to need you to stay with the kids."

"You want to stay, for how long?"

"Well I have a meeting with his doctors in the morning to just get some more information about everything. Apparently he..." She lost her battle and the tears overwhelmed her as she sobbed down the phone.

"Brooke? Brooke what is it what's happening?"

"He's dying Luke and..." She paused as she furiously brushed the tears from her face. "Lucas he has Motor Neurone Disease. I don't really know exactly what that entails, he appears to be quite progressed with the disease. But he tells me that his doctors established that he is one of the few people that have the disease that suffer the hereditary kind so I need to stay here for meetings with his doctors to discuss what the disease is and the prognosis not just for him but for anyone who develops the disease and then I have to talk to some psychiatrists to determine whether I am psychologically in the right place to take a test to see if I have the faulty gene that he may have passed onto me. There is a fifty/fifty chance that I have it, in which case there then becomes a fifty/fifty chance that the kids have it. They say some people don't even get symptoms until they're seventy, eighty years old so plenty of time die of a heart attack first even if I have the faulty gene. Obviously I don't want to be here longer than necessary but I need to know where I stand and I would like a little time with him." Once again she felt the swell of tears.

"Brooke do you need me to come out there."

"I just need you to look after the kids Luke. He's practically a stranger so it's not like I'm losing anything that was ever mine in the first place and apparently the tests takes a few months to a get result on so I'll be home before you know it."

"Are you sure?"

"Honestly Lucas I'm fine." They bid their goodbyes then and she knew that he didn't believe her assurances that she was fine. They both knew she was far from fine. Whatever she might claim that she couldn't possibly be upset by seeing a man she barely knew so ill and so obviously close to the end the truth was seeing her father like that had devastated her without the harsh truth that she might well be getting a glimpse into her future, and more heartbreakingly her children's.

* * *

Brooke rubbed a sleepy hand across her face as she became more aware of the knocking on the door, she grabbed her phone and pressed a button allowing the screen to light up telling her it was just gone 6am. She glanced around for a second slowly becoming aware of the fact she was laid on the sheets on a hotel bed, her face felt tight and she knew it was from the tear tracks that covered it. She couldn't remember going to sleep, just remembered lying on the bed after she'd spoken to Lucas and contemplating what exactly the next few days would bring. The knocking got heavier and she forced herself to get up. She put the chain on the door before she pulled it open. At first she was convinced her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Luke?" He gave her a small smile and she pushed the door shut to remove the chain before opening the door and letting him in the room. With a rueful smile he stepped inside and she closed the door after him.

_Tough, you think you've got the stuff  
You're telling me and anyone  
You're hard enough  
_

"Hey." She shook her head trying to clear her confusion.

"What are you doing here where are the kids?"

"They're at home. We didn't stay in Charlotte last night after all. I drove us back to Tree Hill and I spoke with Nathan and Haley and mom and Keith and I explained that I really needed to come to California so between them they're going to take care of the kids for however long we are both here." She shook her head in protest.

"No Luke I told you I was fine that your place was with the kids."

_You don't have to put up a fight  
You don't have to always be right  
Let me take some of the punches  
For you tonight  
_

"You can't fool me Brooke I've known you too long to believe that you're okay, that you're fine." He reached a hand out to touch her face and she stepped back away from his touch.

"Honestly Lucas I'm okay here on my own, I can handle this by myself." He sighed deeply and stepped closer to her, grabbing the top of her arms and forcing her to look right at him.

_Listen to me now  
I need to let you know  
You don't have to go it alone  
_

"Stop Brooke, stop trying to convince me and convince yourself that you are okay with what's happened in the last twenty four hours. I know you're not, no one would be but you don't need to fight and convince me otherwise. It's okay to need someone Brooke, it's okay to need me - it's different now. When you need me I will be there." And the wall she was attempting to keep up broke under the weight of her grief, leaving her body shaking with sobs. She clung to him like she was drowning and he was a life raft, because for right now that's exactly what he was.

_And it's you when I look in the mirror  
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone  
Sometimes you can't make it on your own  
_

It felt like an eternity that they stood pressed together so closely it was impossible to tell where she ended and he began, and when the tears had dried on her face she pulled back slightly to look up at him, her heart swelling with her love for him. Love because he was right it was different now. So very different to the miscarriage, she had begged for his help then and he wasn't there and now he was here without her having to say a word he knew that she needed him beside her so desperately and he was here. And she allowed the love she had told herself she no longer felt for him to swim through her heart through her body.

"Make love to me Lucas." He closed his eyes for a second before focussing on her again.

"Brooke I want nothing more than that but we can't, not now, not like this. I'd be taking advantage of you." She shook her head.

"No you wouldn't, please Lucas. Make love to me like you used to, make me forget everything and everyone but us make love to me so the world goes away just for now please." Tears sprang to her eyes once more but she blinked them away as she felt his lips on hers. He peeled the clothes from her body reverently and softly and tenderly he lay her back on the bed, hovering over her as though memorising the sight of her.

_Listen to me now  
I need to let you know  
You don't have to go it alone  
_

Their bodies moved as one, rocking softly and slowly as though they had been designed for the other. She didn't notice the tear slip down her cheek until he wiped it away. She smiled up at him wanting him to know that this time her tear was not for anything other than them.

"I've missed you." Her voice was softer and raspier than normal, thick with the emotion she was feeling.

"I love you Brooke."

"I love you too." She pressed her body up so her lips were able to meet his as she tried desperately to pour every ounce of love she had for him into that kiss.

_Sometimes you can't make it on your own  
Sometimes you can't make it  
The best you can do is to fake it  
Sometimes you can't make it on your own_

She lay wrapped in his arms her head on his chest as he softly stroked her hair, she felt at peace she felt safe as though nothing could hurt her. And despite the fact she was over two and half thousand miles away from her house and her children and Tree Hill laid here with Lucas she felt like she was home. It didn't erase their past and it didn't change their issues. She knew they would all still be waiting for them in Tree Hill, along with the possibility of many new ones but for now she wanted to enjoy the peace.

"What time are we seeing the doctors?" She couldn't help but smile a little that he used the word 'we' as though there was no question of the fact that he'd be with her.

"At eleven, then I said I'd go and see him again." She felt Lucas move beneath her and caught a glimpse of his watch being held up.

"By my calculation we've got at least two hours before we need to get ready did you want breakfast?" She shook her head.

"Can we just lay here?" She felt his lips press softly to her head.

"For as long as you want."

"I'm glad you're here." She whispered to him.

"There's nowhere else I could possibly be right now than with you."

* * *

The sumptuous surroundings of the office she found herself sat in would not give the casual observer cause to think they were in the offices of some of California's best neurologists. It wasn't of particular surprise to her that her father had the best doctors that money could get him, but it didn't change the inevitable truth and that was what scared her the most. As Dr Carter let himself in, shaking hands with both she and Lucas before sitting she felt Lucas grasp her hand, giving it a small squeeze.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs Scott, sadly it's under such sad circumstances. So as I'm not sure just how much your father was able to tell you I'll leave you to ask me anything you want to know." Brooke nodded and swallowed debating whether she really wanted to know any of it. She felt paralysed and unable to open her mouth, she glanced over to Lucas who squeezed her hand once more.

"Well Dr Carter to be honest I don't think either of us are too sure exactly what the disease is, I mean sure everyone's heard of Lou Gehrig but we're not particularly familiar with what Motor Neurone Disease is." Dr Carter nodded along with Lucas.

"Well I find the simplest way of explaining motor neurone disease is to say that the body has a chain through which messages get from our brain to say for example our hand to grab the glass of juice we want. Upper motor neurones take the message from the brain to the spinal cord, lower motor neurones take the message from the spinal cord to the limb which we are instructing to move. In actuality the system is a little more complex than that but essentially what happens with the disease is that these sets of motor neurones degenerate to such a point that the messages are no longer able to get to the body. The brain is still sending the message to get your legs to walk but your legs no longer get the message. This leads to paralysis and severe muscle wastage which is why Richard is now immobile and wheelchair bound."

"What are the first signs?" Her voice came out shakier than she thought it would and she realised it betrayed her fear.

"Most patients begin with difficulty with their hands, they drop things, they stumble, have muscle cramps and spasms. As the disease progresses it's often the case that there will be some level of incontinence as patients are unable to control their bladder and are unable to move quickly enough to reach the bathroom. There will be problems swallowing and eating, it becomes necessary to either liquidise food or tube feed. Then there will be problems with breathing. In my experience it is a compromised immune system that is the cause of death in sufferers rather than direct symptoms of the disease."

"Richard told Brooke that you suspect that he suffers the familial type of the disease." Dr Carter nodded feeling acutely aware of the suffering of the brunette opposite him.

"Yes familial motor neurone disease is rare, with Richard we were not aware of any children initially and so it was less of a concern establishing whether he was suffering familial or sporadic motor neurone disease, when we found out about you Mrs Scott it became more important to do so. Both types present in the same way so as with diagnosis there is no absolute way of establishing which type of the disease is present. However after examining family history we became strongly convinced that your father does indeed suffer familial motor neurone disease. On his request we performed the one test we can do to establish familial motor neurone. In many ways even though the situation is dire both you and your father are lucky in that it was established more than twenty years ago that a gene known as SOD1 is the cause of motor neurone disease in twenty percent of cases of familial patients. Testing for a faulty SOD1 gene is the only form of testing we are able to carry out for sufferers of familial motor neurone disease." Brooke tried to process what exactly this meant, it meant that she was able to be tested to know if she had the faulty gene, but the question was did she even want to know. Sure it would be great to be tested and discover Richard hadn't passed it on but what if the result was positive.

"And the chance of having a faulty gene is fifty/fifty?" Dr Carter looked across to the blond man opposite him. god he wished he had better news for these people, undoubtedly telling a family that they may well develop the same terminal illness as their loved ones was a part of the job he would never get used to.

"We all have two sets of gene codes given to us by our parents. With patients suffering familial motor neurone disease the faulty code is the predominant one which means that they will usually develop the illness because of the one faulty code. However just because it is the predominant gene when it comes to developing the disease does not make it the case when it comes to reproduction. The chance of the faulty gene being passed on to children is the same as the chance of the healthy one being passed down. This means that you may well not carry the faulty gene at all."

"I have three children, if I have the disease if I carry the faulty gene the odds of none of them having inherited it are pretty damn small right." Dr Carter nodded sympathetically.

"But there is no hard and fast rule with familial motor neurone disease. It may be the case that you develop symptoms only at the end of your lifespan, that you die of natural causes before the disease extensively progresses. Sadly even if you do carry the disease testing is only available to individuals over the age of eighteen and I must warn you Mrs Scott if you decide to be tested for the disease there will be several meetings with psychologists to ensure you are able to cope with what the results of the test might be." Brooke felt the tears in her eyes once more but this time it had little to do with what this all meant for her or her children. This time the tears were because of what this horrendous disease had done to her father. She didn't understand how something was able to wipe out a person in such a short time and she found it difficult to understand her feelings given his treatment of her eighteen years ago.

"I need to think about it." Dr Carter nodded in understanding.

"Of course Mrs Scott, you have my direct number so contact whenever you want if there's anything you need to know." He pushed a card across the desk to her. "I also thought you might like this the top number on that card is for a lady called Louise Miller, she's roughly your age I would say and her husband suffered from motor neurone disease I'm sure she'd be willing to meet with you and discuss anything you may want to know. The second number is man named Rob Townsend and his mother was diagnosed with the familial type of the disease, he sat in the same situation as you in having to decide whether to be tested so I'm sure he could offer some words of advice to you in this difficult time." Part of her instantly flared up that she shouldn't need some woman called Louise Miller to tell her what it was like when a family member had this disease, Victoria should be able to tell her but she somehow doubted that her father's illness had impacted on Victoria's life much at all. She stood up and held her hand out to Dr Carter who followed her lead.

"Thank for meeting with me at such short notice, I really do appreciate it."

* * *

The drive to her parents' house allowed Brooke a short time to think. She was still wildly unable to identify her feelings swinging from one thing to another and then back again faster than she could blink.

"I always knew my parents were pretty crappy but how bad do your parents have to be to potentially kill you off with their faulty genes."

"Brooke it's not like he did this on purpose."

"I was making an effort to be a better mom to the kids after everything and I might be responsible for their premature death from a truly horrendous terminal illness, great mom I am. Oh god." She whispered a thought suddenly forming in her head.

"What?"

"What if the miscarriage was my fault? I mean they say that miscarriages happen because the baby has bad genes or something and wouldn't survive, what if it was my faulty gene that caused our baby to die before we even really her or him."

"You are being ridiculous, for one thing we don't even know if you have the faulty and for another thing miscarriages can sometimes happen for no reason. You are an amazing mother you always were even when times were beyond hard so don't talk like this. And for another thing one faulty gene would not have killed our baby." Brooke sighed and attempted to compose herself as Lucas pulled to a stop in the driveway. They both got out the car and clasped hands as they went to the doors. The door was opened by a matronly looking woman.

"Oh you must be Brooke, it's so nice that you're here. Your father so badly wanted to see you before...well he wanted to see you. I'm Felicity I've been working here since he first lost the use of his legs around five months after he was diagnosed so we're gotten to know one another quite well. He really is still a frightfully sharp man. Oh dear me listen to me going on, you're here to see him aren't you. Well he's just dropped off for a nap but if you come in I can make you both some tea while you wait. Richard tells me you've seen his doctor this morning so I can only imagine what state you're in." Brooke shared a bewildered glance with Lucas as they followed Felicity through the house. Brooke sat at the counter in a relatively small kitchen and observed Felicity moving around.

"In what way are you employed, as housekeeper?" Felicity shook her head.

"No dear I'm your father's nurse, I've been living here since things have progressed otherwise there'd be no one to look after him." Brooke could hear the disapproval in the other woman's tone.

"Does Victoria not help at all?" Brooke knew it was crazy to ask because she knew the answer already.

"We can go days sometimes without seeing her, but from what I know from your father that was unusual before the illness so it's not too surprising nothing has changed suppose. I've only ever done respite care before your father so it's been quite a change for me being with someone full time. As I say we've become relatively friendly. I think when a man like your father is made to face his own mortality it becomes ever more evident where he has made his mistakes. He won't tell you this, but he has a file on you as thick as my arm. Pictures of you both, of your children – I must say they are all very beautiful. I never could understand why he'd go to the effort of that when all he really needed to do at the start was be there when you needed him. I think he was too stubborn and pig headed to see what was right in front of him until now."

"I have to go." She pushed the bar stool away from the counter and bolted out of the room down the labyrinth of corridors until she was able to burst free of the house. She needed to be away from this woman who seemed to know her father better than she did, who knew that Victoria was failing as a wife like she'd failed as a mother who knew her father had spent years keeping tabs on her and her family. But mostly she needed to know exactly what this illness was and whether it really was her father in there as a reformed man or the illness making him be someone he wasn't. She needed answers only someone who had been in a similar situation could give.

**Song is U2 – Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own.**


End file.
